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My bf say he wants to clear his mind


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We've been together for 9 months.We were happy and we did a lot of things, I met all his family and friends and he shows how happy he was to be with me. I forgot to mention the fact that we have a long-distance relationship, he's not the type to cheat, instead he's a slightly colder person, who doesn't show his fears, sadness or emotions too often.After New Year's Eve, he began to behave strangely and be irritated by anything. I didn't understand why and at one point I got really angry and told him I was leaving, while I was packing, for the first time in my life I saw him extremely angry. I went outside to smoke a cigarette to calm down and in the meantime he gave me a message to ask me how I am, I had arguments with him in which I went out to calm down but he never gave me a message until now. I went back to his house and we started talking, he told me that he was bothered by the fact that I didn't show him all my sides and I understood him. Initially he wanted to break up with me but I explained the situation, the fact that i had a hard year and he understood, we reconciled and everything was fine. Before the train arrived, he explained to me that he would like more time for him to free his head. And here is the problem, since I left, he hasn't talked to me much. Then I found out that he has some serious problems from a friend that I can't write about here. I understood and gave him time. Last Saturday we saw each other for 2 and a half hours and it seemed a bit sadder. Since then, I didn't talk until 5 days ago, when I called him and asked him why he was behaving like that. He answered me the same way, that he wants more time for him and that he has a more difficult period and I haven't spoken since. I don't know what to do in this situation. to give him more time and give me a message or to wait another 4 days and call him. I am very confused with this situation, he is a very direct person and if he wanted to break up with me, he would have done it but no.

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Sorry this is happening.  9 mos is long enough to observe some incompatibilities. There seems to be a lot of drama and red flags for a budding relationship, no? Reflect if you really want someone who not only seems to lack communication skills, but makes you this uneasy about the relationship.

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If you were a true partners, he would share his grief and ask for support to help him through his situation...instead he pushed you away. To me this is not what a relationship is about. You should be there for each other even through the bad times, times of stress, or trouble. This is a dealbreaker. You don't deserve to be shut out indefinitely. It's damn selfish. And to think he complains that he never gets to see all side of you...that's placing blame...he's being a bad BF. Bad BFs are to be kicked to the curb.

Edited by smackie9
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1 hour ago, Amyyy3 said:

Then I found out that he has some serious problems from a friend that I can't write about here.

The fact that your own boyfriend didn't share with this with you, and you had to hear it from his friend, is your indication that you two are not really that close. 

It seems that upon spending more time together in person, you're learning that you two are not that compatible and you're seeing sides of him you didn't know existed. 

What do you mean when you say he was behaving very strangely on NYE and he got extremely angry? What did he say or do? 

Edited by MissCanuck
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3 hours ago, Amyyy3 said:

I forgot to mention the fact that we have a long-distance relationship, he's not the type to cheat, instead he's a slightly colder person, who doesn't show his fears, sadness or emotions too often.After New Year's Eve, he began to behave strangely and be irritated by anything. I didn't understand why and at one point I got really angry and told him I was leaving, while I was packing, for the first time in my life I saw him extremely angry.

This all spells trouble.  Not good.

- Long distance

- Low eq

- overly moody with you

As mentioned above by other responders... for him to NOT be confiding or communicating with you properly, he's shutting you out.

I agree as well... in 9 mos time, to see his behaviour lately, is pointing to more problems, I feel. You now see how is is.  And you are not happy - but more hurt/frustrated?

If this is how he is with you, along with the long distance - makes things all much too difficult.

I wouldn't tolerate these issue's of his anymore.  

Be strong, tell him 'enough'.  He's got too many issue's and will not work with you.

Be done.  Leave him alone.

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