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It's not fair that my ex who cheated on me and then left me for his ex gets to be happy and so in love. While I am alone, depressed angry, and lonely. And I can't find someone else. Why does he get to be happy after what he did to me? 

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Well, it's a cliche but life is not always fair.  If it was, childhood cancer wouldn't exist and neither would hunger.

Good news is, you have a chance to let go of the bitterness and depression by leaning on friends and family and/or with a professional if you feel that would be helpful.

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I find it most helpful to remind myself that I get to choose exactly how miserable or how happy I want to be.

However, the more conditions I put on that, the more difficult I make it to find my own happiness, and the more easily I'll trick myself into believing that I'm miserable--when I don't 'need' to be.

Sure, it's not easy to search for love during a worldwide pandemic. It's also not easy to get a drink or a haircut--or anything else. So you're in excellent company in not getting what you want right now, but you DO get to choose whether to torture yourself, or not.

True, it's lousy when someone dangles themselves as a prize and then takes that illusion away. However, anyone who would do that was never a prize in the first place. So decide how painful your dis-illusion-ment 'must' be, and then reach for your resilience and make yourself proud.

The guy was a turd wrapped as a prize, and you dodged a future of unwrapping that thing to discover that you'd married a turd. Isn't that a good thing?

Head high.

 

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Do you have them on social media? It may be time to let go and delete. His life is no longer your life. His happiness is not your happiness. His sorrow is not your sorrow. His relationship issues are not your business.

Be free. I think only you can release yourself from the past and the bitterness. I've found that when someone has wronged me, badly, acknowledging my actions and lead up to the situation and the role I played plays a huge role in recovery and acceptance and letting go. 

Instead of becoming the victim, I can realize that I play an active role redesigning and creating a new life in a new direction. 

Whatever he does is not your life anymore. Keep looking at your own life and what you want out of it. Then go get it. 

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On 1/17/2021 at 1:17 AM, Candynercka said:

It's not fair that my ex who cheated on me and then left me for his ex gets to be happy and so in love. While I am alone, depressed angry, and lonely. And I can't find someone else. Why does he get to be happy after what he did to me? 

At this point you don't need or want anyone... you are still reeling over him. 😞 

I know it hurts.. but shows what a loser he is!

Now, you need to work on healing & accepting.. but you are far from this, I think.

As mentioned.. maybe look into some therapy (grief counselling) as is seems you're pretty hurt & affected by this.

Of course, when we do get hurt, it will take some time to recover... months +.

If you do not have many to 'vent' to (friends/family) can be harder.... But I highly suggest you do look into some prof help to help you work through this...

Loss hurts! I know  😞 .. But, someday, you WILL see he's a loser!

But do not go searching for someone else at this time.. that will not take your pains away - and you may end up hurting someone else out there, who may really come to like you but YOU are not into it as much as they are... which would equal more pains.

Take a good deal of time for YOU now.  Get through this.. look at dating again when you feel more yourself.

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I understand how you feel because I get into these negative thinking patterns too. It's hard to think about things logically when you're hurting and emotional. You say you haven't found anyone else. YET. You will find someone else! You broke up during a worldwide coronavirus pandemic where we've been in some kind of quarantine/lock down for basically a year now. I don't know about you but I find it pretty hard to find anyone when I just have to stay home 24/7 and the highlight of my day is walking to the supermarket wearing a face mask lol 

It's been a very hard year and in lockdown I found out my ex fiance was with someone new too! It definitely hurts but blocking him on everything helped. Life isn't always fair but there are both good times and bad times. When you're going through a bad time you just gotta "ride it out" and it gets better. 

If you're depressed then maybe you need to see a therapist about it? Forget about your ex and just focus on you! What do YOU like doing? What makes YOU happy? Spend time with friends and family (if you can), pursue your hobbies and interests. Do some self care and look after you! Time heals all wounds! Sounds cliche but it's true.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Your day in the sun will come.  You just hadn't found him yet.  It will happen in due time.  Haste makes waste.  Take your time and you can afford to be very picky and choosy.  You will observe character above all else.  Patience is key. 

Don't think your ex is so happy because since he cheated on you, he can cheat on his current girlfriend, too.  Then his girlfriend will know that he's a loser.  Since you know your ex's disdainful characteristic traits, his girlfriend will eventually discover that he's not exactly the man of her dreams as you can attest.  Don't be so envious and jealous.  It's only a matter of time before your ex and his girlfriend will end their relationship due to his infidelity, his roving eye, inappropriate comments and intolerable behaviors.  Better her than you!

Don't dwell and ruminate over your ex because he's history.  Have healthy distractions.  Focus on your health, mental well being and surround yourself with moral friends and family even if the only recourse is virtual.  Perhaps delve into a hobby, read good books, watch your favorite movies, etc. 

When your timing is right, a special someone is there for you.  Also, keep in mind, if you want to attract the right man, you need to be at the right place at the right time.  The right man is serious, working hard, has integrity, very moral, very picky and choosy in his own right as well.  It works both ways. 

No one ever said life was fair.

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