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Thank you letter to an ex girlfriend


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Hello, 

Recently my ex girlfriend dumped me. We are young so I often visited her at home and stayed over night. 

She lives with her mom, they also cooked often times for me.

I drank their coffee coke or wather. 

And so on.

I think this Isnt for granted so I wanted to. 

Get them delivered some neutral flowers with a thank you letter. 

I wanted to ask if that is appropriate? 

 

Dear...... Family, 

A dream is a wish your heart makes when it’s fast asleep, or so the Disney song intones, but we know that a dream is actually something wonderful that you two made come true for me whenever I had the joy of visiting in your home. Every time I came to spend time, you gave me a truly precious gift by going above and beyond as hosts. 

Your kindness meant everything to me; you gave me the best food, nourishing not only my heart but also my belly, and some of my favorite memories were made with this beautiful time spent in your abode. The delectable pasta that you made holds a special place in my stomach and soul alike; as Jennifer Hyman once phrased it, “When I feel like the day is great? Pasta. When I feel like I want the day to be great? Pasta. It's just awesome.” Your pasta was awesome, and I haven’t even spoken of how restorative the coffee was! I believe that my birthstone may be a coffee bean, and yours was simply terrific. 

My life has been one blessed by finding such caring people; the kindness with which you treated me means more to me than I can say. I feel profoundly fortunate and thus deeply grateful to know you both as ones who have shown me so much thoughtfulness. I wanted to ensure that you know how much I appreciate having had the chance to visit your wonderful place that you made so warm and welcoming.

I hope you felt my gratitude though we may not be together. I cannot thank you enough for your warmth and hospitality, but this is my attempt. 

With warmest wishes and great gratitude,

 

 

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2 hours ago, Placebokeks said:

I had the joy of visiting in your home. Every time I came to spend time, you gave me a truly precious gift by going above and beyond as hosts. 

 

2 hours ago, Placebokeks said:

I feel profoundly fortunate and thus deeply grateful to know you both as ones who have shown me so much thoughtfulness.

This is fine...

IF you wish to add more... This is appropriate. (below)

2 hours ago, Placebokeks said:

I wanted to ensure that you know how much I appreciate having had the chance to visit your wonderful place that you made so warm and welcoming.

Do NOT over do something like this.. if you really feel you should write out such gratitude & aprpeciation.. -or they'll find this kinda odd - way over doing it.  ( IMO).

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It's a great letter and it's good you wrote it all down. However, don't send it. Just keep it on file.

Unfortunately it makes you seem like an orphan they took in and fed.

How long were you dating? What was the breakup about?

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10 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Why did the two of you break up?

Are you wishing the two of you could get back together?

She broke up with me because, I didn't emotionally support her enough. 

I have big problems on my own from childhood that I never worked on. 

We where 9 months together and she really loved me, always helped me with my emotional drama. 

But I keep fighting over little things, said this isn't going to work so on and so on. 

 

Than someday she decided that she is not the one for me, and I am not the on for her. 

 

I think all selfish fighting made her really stressed on to of her job and the uni 

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From the back of my heart I really want to be back with her. 

She always told me I was her best boyfriend in everything so far. 

And everyone els said they did not see her this happy bevore. 

 

I did many great things, but only surface level I think. 

 

I'm 22 and I have a lot of problems within me so, bevore I can think of beeing in a relation ship I need to work on myself. 

 

It only was two weeks ago, but I started visiting Psychologists. Started working again and so on. 

 

We talked two times after the breakup. 

I said I accept it and apologized. 

Than after my first visit at the psychology. 

I thanked her that without her and the breakup I'd never ever had gone there. 

And it helped me alot even if it only was the first visit 

 

 

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4 hours ago, Placebokeks said:

 I started visiting Psychologists. Started working again and so on. 

Excellent. Bring the letter to the psychologist to discuss your thoughts and feelings.

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6 hours ago, Placebokeks said:

I have big problems on my own from childhood that I never worked on. 

 

6 hours ago, Placebokeks said:

It only was two weeks ago, but I started visiting Psychologists. Started working again and so on.

Yes, if you have some issue's to deal with, do continue with the professional help.

I suggest you do not think of getting involved again for a good while, but continue to work on YOU.

You do not want to keep having this kind of thing re-occurring.

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Writing a letter like that is a wish for forgiveness and a rekindling of the relationship. Don't do it...it won't work. Distancing yourself from it is better and more helpful to you. It may not feel like it, because naturally you want her back. If you work hard on yourself, become a better person you either will rekindle your relationship later, or meet someone even better or you will actually enjoy just being you, and digging all the things life has to offer.

Edited by smackie9
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You had the opportunity to express gratitude while you were together by being supportive. You were not because you were "unable to because of your childhood".

Well now it's too late. Sending the letter after the fact is akin to saying "I know I blew it and never expressed gratitude or listened to you when you told me you I was not supportive but now that you dumped me I want you to know I always cared and appreciate what you did for me".

It's not productive. If anything it's a thinly veiled attempt to say "I miss you please give me another chance"

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Do not send the letter.  It will be viewed as a transparent attempt to get her to feel sorry for you.  It will also be viewed as an attempt to get her parents to convince her to give you a second chance.

You have a golden opportunity to resolve childhood issues that are preventing you from having a healthy relationship.  Focus on that so the next wonderful woman who comes along will have the benefit of someone who's ready for a strong, committed and healthy partnership.

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I've never been interested in receiving any communication from someone I've broken up with, and I did not welcome flowers from someone I broke up with either. Some people are only meant to be in your life for a season. Sending letters and waiting for a reply will only delay your closure. Your connection is severed so act like it. Most of us have been through many romantic relationships, and if we're open to it, we learn what we want in a partner and learn how to be a good partner. It usually takes a good amount of life experience to finally achieve success. Know what you're going through isn't out of the ordinary. Take care.

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I agree with others.  Write the note but don't send it because it's unnecessary.  No, it's not appreciated.  While you were with her and her family, your appreciation and gratitude was expressed then when you were a part of their lives. 

You can send the note to her and her family but I would keep it extremely brief such as "Thank you for your warm hospitality and I appreciated your kindness very much.  Sincerely, Your Name."  Keep it short.  Don't get personal nor gushy with your thank you note.  Send it and be done with it.  Don't expect anything in return.  Be prepared to be ignored because now you are history. 

Don't ingratiate yourself otherwise you'll sound as if you're groveling. 

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Honestly, I think it's up to you.

If you are an expressive type of person and this is going to give you some closure because you said the words you felt you needed to say, then do so.

I know many times, people break up and move on and regret not saying things. But don't do it in the hopes of getting back together, do it more as your last entry in a book that is now closing.

If you want this family to be left with these words from you, why not.

Life is too short, do what you think is going to make your heart feel better.

If you know you will look back one day and remember that you left them with sincere words then it will be a nice memory.

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If an ex ever sent a letter to my family, I'd view it as manipulative and patronizing--and desperate. It would confirm for me that I made the right choice to dump him.

Regardless of how well intentioned you believe your motives to be, it'll come of as a Hail Mary attempt to influence your ex.

I'd reach for my best dignity and skip that.

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Don't send it. It's over the top, in my opinion. It mostly talks about you and how great their food and coffee was which is fine but it says nothing about how you treated their daughter in the end (and it shouldn't because this is private). I also would find it manipulative and patronizing although it's not intended that way. 

I second bringing the letter to a therapist or psychologist and working through residual feelings of loss, pain, sadness after the break up. 

Remember that in every break up there are always two sides: you didn't support her enough and maybe she didn't support you enough either. 

You have to let go of all those misgivings to move on. The letter is proof that you have not moved on. If you see them in person one day you can thank them in person for all they've done. Keep it short and simple in person and then move on on your way. 

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