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Will she unblock, reach back out and we can work things out?


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I've known a girl for 7 years, where theres always been attraction. Not an ex but a mutual attraction, but I moved to a different state. 

Like most people she has a horrible 2020, where she got caught with the wrong crowd and wrong things, so I made a promise to being there for her, which I never broke that promise and never gave up on her! I did help her out with bills, food or even shelter even being far away. I guess I let my actions speak louder than words showing that she had someone who had her back!

She tends to close herself off alot of times and go distant. I did feel she was going to 'ghost" me when I didn't do anything to deserve it. I was just standing up for myself that I'm not a pushover or a crutch, which I did everything because I'm actually a laid back, genuine dude who actually cares for her and her well being. 

I told her I wasn't gonna tolerate it because I always filled her life with positive vibes and a mindset but I ended up getting blocked from all platforms, on 12/23/2020 ( the last time we spoke)

 

Edited by Rs1784
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Will she magically transform into someone who reciprocates your friendship? Very unlikely.

She might unblock you but she’ll be the same person who ghosted you in the first place. 

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23 minutes ago, Rs1784 said:

 I ended up getting blocked from all platforms, on 12/23/2020 ( the last time we spoke)

 

Sorry this happened. What transpired before this block?

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58 minutes ago, Rs1784 said:

I made a promise to being there for her, which I never broke that promise and never gave up on her! I did help her out with bills, food or even shelter even being far away. I guess I let my actions speak louder than words showing that she had someone who had her back!

She tends to close herself off alot of times and go distant. I did feel she was going to 'ghost" me when I didn't do anything to deserve it.

Sounds like she takes advantage of your crush on her, and you're realizing your can't White Knight her into reciprocating your feelings. 

Stop giving her money. Stay away from people who take and don't give back. 

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2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. What transpired before this block?

In early 2020, she had problems with an on and off again boyfriend, that caused her to start hanging out with the wrong crowd, which led to her going to rehab. 

Even though we live in different states, I tried to be there for her the best I could. I know things probably would have been different if I was closer because I'm the person who always has positive vibes and energy! She always admitted to wanting to see me or escaping her state to get away from the bad! 

I simply voiced my opinion out in a harsh way, because she only talked to me only when I did something or gave her something!  She claimed I never cared or I wasn't concerned about her well being but I got caught up in attractions or feelings. 

I mean, 

$1,000, food, hotel room so she wouldn't have to sleep in the woods or in her car and  doing little surprises like getting Edible Arrangements for kicking ass through rehab! 

I mean if that shows someone doesn't care, I don't know what else will and I never asked for much im return. I just hate seeing the people around me stressed out and depressed! 

But I called her out that  I couldn't carry any bad or toxic vibes into the new year. I was just standing up for myself and didn't want to be disrespected or taken advantage of. 

I mean we have known each other for 7 years, and I understand she probably lost attraction, but I didn't deserve to be treated as a crutch 

( Which lead to the block on 12/23/2020)

Edited by Rs1784
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I see 3 issue's

51 minutes ago, Rs1784 said:

In early 2020, she had problems with an on and off again boyfriend, that caused her to start hanging out with the wrong crowd, which led to her going to rehab. 

 

51 minutes ago, Rs1784 said:

she only talked to me only when I did something or gave her something! 

 

52 minutes ago, Rs1784 said:

I just hate seeing the people around me stressed out and depressed! 

She has issue's.. sadly YOU cannot fix.

In order for someone to end up in rehab... need funds.. etc ~>  Not good- will probably continue.

So she drinks a lot/does drugs? (are you sure is was just a bad 2020?  She's been fine before this?)

I just find this odd.  

If she deals with Depression.. again another real challenge.

As for you speaking up at her - If she is dealing with all of these things... drinking/depression/money... then gets put in her place, due to her issue's/actions & behaviour.. She does not like being told.

56 minutes ago, Rs1784 said:

I mean we have known each other for 7 years, and I understand she probably lost attraction, but I didn't deserve to be treated as a crutch 

- Lost attraction?  You sure she just wasn't using you?

I guess you're right... you were being used as a crutch- but people like this sadly, can 'get lost' 😞 

If they run you down- yes, you need to back away for your own well being.

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29 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Sure, she'll "come back" if you throw another  $1000 her way. 

You can't get someone to love you with money and gifts.

I honestly wasnt trying to buy her friendship or a relationship. 

She always said that people gave up on her and were never there for her! 

Yeah I did do things because I have a heart and I cared. 

If you are in my element I'd do that for anyone. I  mean I paid it forward the other day buying a stranger's groceries 

Edited by Rs1784
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Kindness is good. But you have to be aware there are people who will take advantage of you.

She doesn't feel she "owes" you a romantic relationship in return for the money you chose to spend on her. 

So yes, she will unblock and reach out the next time she needs money.  And then she'll disappear again until the next time she needs money. And so on and so on.

Question is, are you willing to continue to allow her to use you for money?

And what's wrong with the women in your area? Are there no nice women you can date?

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This sounds like an unbalanced/unhealthy dynamic.    She took advantage of your "need" to take care of her. She sounds awful!

Look into co dependence as your behavior is not good.  You are acting like a parent, not a friend.

Check this out:  https://coda.org

Edited by Hollyj
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3 hours ago, Rs1784 said:

She claimed I never cared or I wasn't concerned about her well being but I got caught up in attractions or feelings. 

You seem like a good Samaritan. Was there feelings/attraction?

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3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You seem like a good Samaritan. Was there feelings/attraction?

I was attracted for sure.  She made it seem before I helped her out that the attraction was mutual! 

I met her 7 years ago and we have hung out a few times but she had  off & on boyfriend! But I never hid my intentions. 

It was only last year where she got lost and into drugs because the breakup   hence why I figured that being there for her when she said people always gave up on her would have helped . 

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Ya but didn't you see what happened when you stood up for yourself? She ditched you because she knows she has nothing to give you in return. She's been using you all this time. You should come to realize you were taken advantage of because you did care. The "everyone abandoned me thing" is pure bs. She was just attention seeking. There's a reason she had so many "bad BFs" etc. She doesn't care about anyone but herself. That's why she keeps finding herself in these situations...those have figured it out, and left her...then she runs back to you, sucks you dry until she finds someone else. You were supportive, got nothing out of it, but a big social media face palm. Dude snap out of it. You need to recognize that you have wasted 7 years of your life, and have most likely missed many opportunities along the way. Stop... you are not saving anyone here....but you should save yourself and move on.

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On 1/16/2021 at 1:30 PM, smackie9 said:

Ya but didn't you see what happened when you stood up for yourself? She ditched you because she knows she has nothing to give you in return. She's been using you all this time. You should come to realize you were taken advantage of because you did care. The "everyone abandoned me thing" is pure bs. She was just attention seeking. There's a reason she had so many "bad BFs" etc. She doesn't care about anyone but herself. That's why she keeps finding herself in these situations...those have figured it out, and left her...then she runs back to you, sucks you dry until she finds someone else. You were supportive, got nothing out of it, but a big social media face palm. Dude snap out of it. You need to recognize that you have wasted 7 years of your life, and have most likely missed many opportunities along the way. Stop... you are not saving anyone here....but you should save yourself and move on.

So you don't think people can change? 

Its hard to move on. I always have thoughts that she will change because  of the people she had in the past. She admitted that I was different than most dudes and more or less she felt blessed to be around me! 

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18 minutes ago, Rs1784 said:

So you don't think people can change? 

Its hard to move on. I always have thoughts that she will change because  of the people she had in the past. She admitted that I was different than most dudes and more or less she felt blessed to be around me! 

7 years of the same behavior? NO. She is the way she is. That won't change. And those things she says is a method called breadcrumbs....it's to keep you hopeful, so she can continue to use you. You have been duped.

Edited by smackie9
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On 1/16/2021 at 3:13 PM, Rs1784 said:

I was just standing up for myself and didn't want to be disrespected or taken advantage of. 

 

17 minutes ago, Rs1784 said:

So you don't think people can change? 

The above suggests she hasn't changed, OP. 

She was happy to take advantage of you as long as you were still coughing up the cash and perks. As soon as you voiced your concern, she flipped out. 

You need to accept that this woman was not into you for the right reasons. 

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On 1/16/2021 at 1:11 PM, Rs1784 said:

I was attracted for sure.  She made it seem before I helped her out that the attraction was mutual! 

Ok, she wasn't using you. Unfortunately you had two differing agendas. She's learned tricks on the street. You wanted a relationship. Let it go.

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