ForeverLearning 35 Posted January 16 Share Posted January 16 (edited) So I have a former coworker that I worked with for a few years. He’s a lot older than me. We became close friends and started texting. A couple months ago, I left that job and we started texting a lot more. Like everyday almost. We usually talk about my work now and advice about life in general. He talks about his family and stuff. But sometimes I feel weird about I because he’ll vent to me about his family issues. I love being the person he goes to but I feel like I know too much at times. I love talking to him but want to make sure I’m not doing anything wrong. Do you think he sees me as something more? Edited January 16 by Thatengineerchick Too much Link to post Share on other sites
Hollyj 1,641 Posted January 16 Share Posted January 16 What is he saying? Link to post Share on other sites
ForeverLearning 35 Posted January 16 Author Share Posted January 16 (edited) @HollyjVents about issues with his wife and kids. But also talks about normal stuff. He checks up on me Edited January 16 by Thatengineerchick Link to post Share on other sites
Hollyj 1,641 Posted January 16 Share Posted January 16 I can see it with the kids, but not the wife. It is inappropriate. I would consider him to be emotionally cheating- I'm certain his wife wouldn't appreciate it. It does not sound like you have known this guy for very long and so you would probably want to extricate yourself from this. You can also tell him that he should be working on this with his wife and it makes you uncomfortable. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Hollyj 1,641 Posted January 16 Share Posted January 16 The dude should not be using you as his therapist. He also may be trying to set something up between the two of you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ForeverLearning 35 Posted January 16 Author Share Posted January 16 @HollyjThanks for the advice. My father isn’t in my life so he’s really the only father figure I’ve ever had. Link to post Share on other sites
Hollyj 1,641 Posted January 16 Share Posted January 16 6 minutes ago, Thatengineerchick said: @HollyjThanks for the advice. My father isn’t in my life so he’s really the only father figure I’ve ever had. He is not your father and the is not a healthy dynamic. Bottom line, he should not be discussing his wife with you. Either you have boundaries or you don't. I am wondering what you were seeking when you started this thread? Link to post Share on other sites
ForeverLearning 35 Posted January 16 Author Share Posted January 16 @Hollyj I had my doubts about him but I wanted confirmation. So I’ll definitely be distancing myself from him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
reinventmyself 1,012 Posted January 16 Share Posted January 16 (edited) How do you think his wife would feel about him talking to you everyday regarding details of their personal life? Edited January 16 by reinventmyself Link to post Share on other sites
ForeverLearning 35 Posted January 16 Author Share Posted January 16 8 minutes ago, reinventmyself said: How do you think his wife would feel about him talking to you everyday regarding details of their personal life? I’m not sure. I don’t know how they get along but from what he’s told me, she probably wouldn’t like it. Link to post Share on other sites
reinventmyself 1,012 Posted January 16 Share Posted January 16 1 hour ago, Thatengineerchick said: I’m not sure. I don’t know how they get along but from what he’s told me, she probably wouldn’t like it. How would you feel if your husband was confiding in another woman about your personal business, daily? Link to post Share on other sites
acursedloneliness 3 Posted January 16 Share Posted January 16 (edited) I have met quite a few people that have no clue what "emotional Infidelity" is. AKA Emotional Cheating. It is a form of cheating on someone where you may not even ever PHYSICALLY touch them, maybe not even once, not even a handshake or a hug is necessary to qualify as Emotional Infidelity... But I can guarantee from past experiences that it hurts just as much as finding out your lover is laying in bed with someone else... It can be a coworker that they confide deeply in, a scenario exactly like yours.. maybe even about things they don't confide in with you (their actual lover)... It is a touchy subject, some people say it is BS, but it has been SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN to exist, and proven to be hurtful, So i could care less about the opinions of those who say it is BS. I know it is not. He could be "into you" and just not letting on yet, typically if a guy is spending that much effort talking to a female that he had no prior friendship with (like a family friend of years prior, or a friend of a friend etc) then there is a good chance that he wants you, and is setting it up like Holly says. If your genders were reversed and I was his lover then I would be pretty angry, put it that way.. Edited January 16 by acursedloneliness 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jibralta 1,271 Posted January 16 Share Posted January 16 2 hours ago, Thatengineerchick said: I’m not sure. I don’t know how they get along but from what he’s told me, she probably wouldn’t like it. Would you like it if your husband (or boyfriend) was talking to another woman every day, and divulging your personal issues to her? Serious question. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 2,829 Posted January 16 Share Posted January 16 Sounds like he's setting the table for the " my wife doesn't understand me" routine. You need to cut him off. Step way back from this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ForeverLearning 35 Posted January 16 Author Share Posted January 16 7 hours ago, reinventmyself said: How would you feel if your husband was confiding in another woman about your personal business, daily? Not great Link to post Share on other sites
ForeverLearning 35 Posted January 16 Author Share Posted January 16 7 hours ago, acursedloneliness said: I have met quite a few people that have no clue what "emotional Infidelity" is. AKA Emotional Cheating. It is a form of cheating on someone where you may not even ever PHYSICALLY touch them, maybe not even once, not even a handshake or a hug is necessary to qualify as Emotional Infidelity... But I can guarantee from past experiences that it hurts just as much as finding out your lover is laying in bed with someone else... It can be a coworker that they confide deeply in, a scenario exactly like yours.. maybe even about things they don't confide in with you (their actual lover)... It is a touchy subject, some people say it is BS, but it has been SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN to exist, and proven to be hurtful, So i could care less about the opinions of those who say it is BS. I know it is not. He could be "into you" and just not letting on yet, typically if a guy is spending that much effort talking to a female that he had no prior friendship with (like a family friend of years prior, or a friend of a friend etc) then there is a good chance that he wants you, and is setting it up like Holly says. If your genders were reversed and I was his lover then I would be pretty angry, put it that way.. Does it make any difference that he’s been a mentor to me? He gives me a lot of helpful career advice. Link to post Share on other sites
ForeverLearning 35 Posted January 16 Author Share Posted January 16 6 hours ago, Jibralta said: Would you like it if your husband (or boyfriend) was talking to another woman every day, and divulging your personal issues to her? Serious question. I wouldn’t like it probably Link to post Share on other sites
Jibralta 1,271 Posted January 16 Share Posted January 16 Probably?? Come on, is there actually a chance that you would enjoy it? Don't minimize this. Be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
ForeverLearning 35 Posted January 16 Author Share Posted January 16 20 minutes ago, Jibralta said: Probably?? Come on, is there actually a chance that you would enjoy it? Don't minimize this. Be honest. It would honestly depend because I think it depends. I think it’s important to have someone other than your spouse to talk to about things. Though, I’d feel more comfortable with him confiding in a man around his age, not a girl half his age. So to answer the question about the exact scenario, no I would like it at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Jibralta 1,271 Posted January 16 Share Posted January 16 1 minute ago, Thatengineerchick said: I think it’s important to have someone other than your spouse to talk to about things. About things, perhaps.... but about issues in your marriage? I don't know about that. When my boyfriend and I first got together (going on nine years now), he told me about his stepsister, and the way that she complained about her husband to people. He said, "Please don't complain about me to other people like that. If you have a problem, talk to me about it." I thought that was very fair and completely appropriate. It's been easy to honor that request because I respect and love my boyfriend. 12 minutes ago, Thatengineerchick said: So to answer the question about the exact scenario, no I would like it at all. I am guessing that his wife would not like it either, AND I bet she doesn't even know about it. This guy is probably sneaking around behind her back, telling you these things. That should tell you something about the kind of person that he is. Link to post Share on other sites
ForeverLearning 35 Posted January 16 Author Share Posted January 16 12 minutes ago, Jibralta said: About things, perhaps.... but about issues in your marriage? I don't know about that. When my boyfriend and I first got together (going on nine years now), he told me about his stepsister, and the way that she complained about her husband to people. He said, "Please don't complain about me to other people like that. If you have a problem, talk to me about it." I thought that was very fair and completely appropriate. It's been easy to honor that request because I respect and love my boyfriend. I am guessing that his wife would not like it either, AND I bet she doesn't even know about it. This guy is probably sneaking around behind her back, telling you these things. That should tell you something about the kind of person that he is. That’s a very good point. I had an ex that did that and ultimately led to us breaking up. I sometimes goes to him with issues with my partner but my partner is 100% aware because he rather me go to him than my mom, who is a lot less forgiving. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SooSad33 459 Posted January 16 Share Posted January 16 Does he not have a buddy he confides in? I would hope so.... Easy you don't end up affected by this stuff- hoping HIS life doesn't run you down. I have 'friends' of both sexes.. but I do not know ALL about their life, their job issue's & personal lives. AND I sure would not want to hear about it every day! C'mon.. needy much? :/ Link to post Share on other sites
ForeverLearning 35 Posted January 16 Author Share Posted January 16 5 minutes ago, SooSad33 said: Does he not have a buddy he confides in? I would hope so.... Easy you don't end up affected by this stuff- hoping HIS life doesn't run you down. I have 'friends' of both sexes.. but I do not know ALL about their life, their job issue's & personal lives. AND I sure would not want to hear about it every day! C'mon.. needy much? 😕 1) I don’t think he has many friends to confide in. 2) It’s not always bad stuff that happens in his life but also good stuff. Like when his kids do something cool/ exciting. Link to post Share on other sites
SooSad33 459 Posted January 16 Share Posted January 16 11 minutes ago, Thatengineerchick said: 1) I don’t think he has many friends to confide in. 2) It’s not always bad stuff that happens in his life but also good stuff. Like when his kids do something cool/ exciting. Yeah, but he should have someone else out there - not just you! Consider the guys age... he's got to have at least one or two.. If not.. I question why? Whatever he's yakking about.. is it constantly.. daily? Link to post Share on other sites
ForeverLearning 35 Posted January 16 Author Share Posted January 16 3 minutes ago, SooSad33 said: Yeah, but he should have someone else out there - not just you! Consider the guys age... he's got to have at least one or two.. If not.. I question why? Whatever he's yakking about.. is it constantly.. daily? Not daily. Like every other day at most. Usually a few times a week. He’s a quiet person and he told me he’s doesn’t have many other people to talk to. I do like being there for him because it’s reciprocated. Link to post Share on other sites
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