Jump to content

Recommended Posts

hey everyone,

I'm 24, in a relationship with a guy since 4 years. He is straight:)

He told me, something he'd like to experience once is a threesome. He says he'd only want to fulfill this fantasy if I was turned on by this in the situation.

Now, should I be super happy, that he would like it only with me being turned on?

Or is it really the minimum to only want to have a threesome in reality if your girlfriend wants it because otherwise you would be alone with 1 woman, and what you want is 2 women?

So much thanks for reading,

Lara

Link to post
Share on other sites

Don't.

It usually sours a relationship.

1) Mistrust is created when one party "already has someone in mind as the third"
2) Overanalysis of the behavior of both parties (giving the third too much attention)
3) Suspicion over communication between the third and the other person ongoing afterwards

Its one thing to have a fantasy - its another thing to request it. 
Say no. 

Has there been any discussion on the long term for this relationship recently?

 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Decide whether you want a monogamous relationship with a committed partner, or not. If so, consenting to bring someone else into your sex life opens that door, and it's not likely to ever shut again--regardless of whether or not you are invited to participate.

The choice is yours.

Edited by catfeeder
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

If he wanted this experience he should have done it when he was single. It's not fair to suggest it with someone you are in a committed relationship with because it can cause all kinds of trust issues. A girl I went to college with told me about her experience. Her BF got so jealous, their relationship went downhill from there and it was HIS idea.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
On 1/15/2021 at 1:39 PM, laralu said:

Now, should I be super happy, that he would like it only with me being turned on?

 

That's a bold face lie....this is only for his own satisfaction, whether or not you get turned on by it isn't his goal here.

Edited by smackie9
Link to post
Share on other sites

Happy? Why because he will be turned on by seeing you turned on and he gets to have sex outside the relationship? He doesn't want to be in a committed relationship with you.  He wants to be in a relationship where he can have sex with others or watch you having sex with others.  Do you want that?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
34 minutes ago, Hollyj said:

In your recent thread you said you have been together 2 years.  Which is it?

Dear @Holliyj 

sorry for the confusion it’s 4 years.

i was super happy because of the thoughtful posts in the other thread. 

It just made me dig in the past so I decided to Stay in the present and ask about this new Topic again. The past is over

Edited by laralu
Link to post
Share on other sites
33 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Happy? Why because he will be turned on by seeing you turned on and he gets to have sex outside the relationship? He doesn't want to be in a committed relationship with you.  He wants to be in a relationship where he can have sex with others or watch you having sex with others.  Do you want that?

I thought that if he‘s only into it when I am, he Will Be perfectly Fine when i say no (what I do) 

Because then he‘d no longer interested you Know?

Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, laralu said:

I thought that if he‘s only into it when I am, he Will Be perfectly Fine when i say no (what I do) 

Because then he‘d no longer interested you Know?

I'm sorry, but I do not understand this answer?

Link to post
Share on other sites
45 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

That's a bold face lie....this is only for his own satisfaction, whether or not you get turned on by it isn't his goal here.

That might be true. Sometimes it‘s hard to detect a lie. I just depend on his honesty, that‘s a but difficult here 

Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, Hollyj said:

I'm sorry, but I do not understand this answer?

Ahh sorry i meant. If He Can really just be Interested in a 3some. When i say yes and Show my attraction. 

His interest Will Not evolve be there if i always say no Right?😂

sorry again for my Bad english (i am from France and try my best)

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, smackie9 said:

Guys will do and say anything to get sex or sex related things. He's trying to make it appealing to you.

I agree, when it comes to threesomes i think Some guys would do anything to experience it once..

Link to post
Share on other sites
52 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

If he wanted this experience he should have done it when he was single. It's not fair to suggest it with someone you are in a committed relationship with because it can cause all kinds of trust issues. A girl I went to college with told me about her experience. Her BF got so jealous, their relationship went downhill from there and it was HIS idea.

Acutally He Had the chance when He was single. He said no because He was insecure. I think his wish is bc of this..

Link to post
Share on other sites
6 minutes ago, laralu said:

Ahh sorry i meant. If He Can really just be Interested in a 3some. When i say yes and Show my attraction. 

His interest Will Not evolve be there if i always say no Right?😂

sorry again for my Bad english (i am from France and try my best)

No problem, I just wanted clarification.  

Is this something that you had wanted to do, before he brought it up?   Do you prefer a monogamous relationship or do you want others involved sexually?

Edited by Hollyj
Link to post
Share on other sites
12 minutes ago, Hollyj said:

No problem, I just wanted clarification.  

Is this something that you had wanted to do, before he brought it up?   Do you prefer a monogamous relationship or do you want others involved sexually?

My wish is a monogamous relationship. 

But also I wanted to do it before He Mentioned it and it’s definitely a Wish for me but not inside a Relationship..

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
21 minutes ago, laralu said:

My wish is a monogamous relationship. 

But also I wanted to do it before He Mentioned it and it’s definitely a Wish for me but not inside a Relationship..

 

Then you shouldn't do it.  

Link to post
Share on other sites
12 hours ago, laralu said:

My wish is a monogamous relationship. 

But also I wanted to do it before He Mentioned it and it’s definitely a Wish for me but not inside a Relationship..

 

So then by definition you will never be into it.  So tell him that "you said you only want to do it if I am into it but since I only want monogamy and would not do this in a committed relationship please don't ever ask me because I will never be into it."  That's the truth right?  And then do you think he'll be "fine" with that?

Link to post
Share on other sites

When you're young and think you're really open to anything, it sounds like a good idea, but nope, it is so not a good idea.

It will ruin things, if not now, then definitely down the line.

There are all sorts of reasons. It's just a bad idea.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Speaking from experience: only do this is you already had an interest in having this experience. 

It will be a disaster otherwise. 

Only you can decide if him even suggesting it hurts your feelings. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

So then by definition you will never be into it.  So tell him that "you said you only want to do it if I am into it but since I only want monogamy and would not do this in a committed relationship please don't ever ask me because I will never be into it."  That's the truth right?  And then do you think he'll be "fine" with that?

Yeah, I think he will absolutely fine with not living it. He would never expect me to do anything I don't want. That's why I was really understanding because of his wish. His motives matter most to me. I hope he tells me the truth about this only wanting if i want. And that it's not because of: "If only the other woman wants it, and my girl doesn't I don't want to, because i want 2 girls."

So I was wondering if his motivation is "special" and really caring for me, and not because of egoism. And that is really, really hard to differ.

Is that somehow understandable?

Edited by laralu
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...