Jump to content
'

Need someone to hear me out


Recommended Posts

My bf and I have been together for two years. I am so madly in love with him I have never felt or experienced this before and I was with my last bf for 10 years and never felt this way... so that’s why I am stuck...

 

In the beginning of our relationship he had told me he wanted a threesome okay cool I’ll try it once ya know...  so the like first 6months I found out like a year later he was talking to girls then he stopped for about a year until about 4months ago it started again. But this time it started with me finding dating apps and Craigslist on his phone... he said he was doing it for us trying to find us a third party... when in all of everything that he posted that I had seen it never mentioned anything about me... he would post posts on Craigslist saying “ladies tired of your man come try mine he will be tied up and blindfolded at such and such place!” But making it seem as though it was me writing it! So that was upsetting that he was actively trying to sleep with some random creep from Craigslist. And when I say something to him about it he freaks. So anyway after months of him talking to other girls and what not we have a threesome with his friend who is a lesbian. Okay cool, I have one stipulation you stop Craigslist dating sites and everything else he agrees. So he erased all those apps that I know of. Next thing I know I look at his phone he got rid of all of those yes but then got a Snapchat Facebook and messenger etc now oh and tinder (which he told me was just a dummy cover so when I snooped I would think he was on it) so I shrugged it off so then a couple days after him telling me it was a dummy cover I see a notification come across his screen ‘tinder new message from Erica’ he says that is my old account from before and must be linked to my fb because I never signed into it.... and then he was using my tablet and must of forgot and I checked my emails today and lo and behold who do I have emails from, replies back to him from people he was messaging on Craigslist while I was sleeping! 

We went from sharing a phone to I can’t even look in his now and he doesn’t get it out in front of me... it really makes me think the worse case scenario. But then I sit there and drive myself crazy wondering if I’m the one in the wrong for snooping and everything.. but why the sudden lock Change and phone being secretive... 


Like I’m going crazy here I cry everyday but I don’t want to leave I love him so much I don’t know what to do! HELP!! Opinions please...

Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, Jibralta said:

You know what's going on here. What you're seeing is just the tip of the iceberg. You're being played for a fool. 

I know I just am having a hard time accepting it and understanding why. If I’m giving him everything he wants. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, Sweetchels7679 said:

I know I just am having a hard time accepting it and understanding why. If I’m giving him everything he wants. 

It's not you. It's him.

Really.

People like him take advantage of people like you. 

 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, Sweetchels7679 said:

And go find what I deserve even if it’s with one I don’t want!

It only seems that way now, because of the situation that you're in.

Your experience tells you that, because you haven't felt this way about someone before, you can never feel this way again.

But that's not true!

You will have more experiences that you never had before. Great experiences. But not until you get out of this terrible situation.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
23 minutes ago, Sweetchels7679 said:

In the beginning of our relationship he had told me he wanted a threesome okay cool.

 finding dating apps and Craigslist on his phone... . he would post posts on Craigslist saying “ladies tired of your man come try mine he will be tied up and blindfolded at such and such place!” 

So anyway after months of him talking to other girls and what not we have a threesome with his friend who is a lesbian. Okay cool, 

Unfortunately this is not cool at all. He's chronically cruising for random sex.  

This puts you at risk for STDs and destroys your self respect.

What you are stumbling upon is the tip of the iceberg.

He's a chronic cheater and possibly a sex addict.

Not "cool" at all. This is a toxic relationship. 

See a doctor about STDs and a therapist to start to undo the damages from his duplicitous and perverse behaviors.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I hope you did actually want to have a threesome and you weren't only doing it to prevent your boyfriend just from hooking up with random women. I think that your boyfriend is a cheater and he doesn't actually want to be monogamous. He doesn't want to sleep with only one woman. I actually had the same thing happen to me. I'm a bisexual woman and this guy started messaging me and said him and his girlfriend/lover wanted to have a threesome. He actually sent me a few nude photos of "her", even with her face in it. Not sure if it really was his girlfriend. So I asked when can the three of us meet for a drink? And he said I have to meet him alone first and sleep only with him first! And then he'll let the woman know how it went and if it went well then us three will hook up. I just blocked him after that because it became obvious that he's either cheating on his girlfriend, or there was actually no woman to begin with. Sounds to me like your boyfriend is doing the same!

If he wasn't trying to cheat then why had he never told you that he had these ads on Craigslist? If it was really for your threesome then he wouldn't just do it behind your back and especially writing an ad pretending it's actually you writing it. You know someone is doing something dodgy when they're hiding things and lying to you. Also, he just had a threesome already so why is he still looking for more? Also you had asked him to get rid of all these ads and he goes and installs Tinder. He really doesn't care how he makes you feel or about what you've been saying to him.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

You're feeling crazy in love because your self esteem is so lacking, this lowlife is all you think you're worthy of (subconsciously). Don't be a puppet whereas your emotions are the strings, controlling you. Use your brain and delete him from your life. Be alone and work on your self worth before attempting to date again. Otherwise, you will be repeating the pattern of choosing poorly for yourself.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Why do you allow all of this?  This guy does not love or respect you.  He is clearly cheating on and lying to you.  Don't you think you should address your self esteem issues and get out of this nightmare.  It's time to love yourself!

 

Get tested for STIs!

Edited by Hollyj
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

You think snooping because of his history of cheating is worse than his actual cheating?

Or...are you trying to grasp for an excuse to stay with this lying cheater?

If so, why do you think a lying cheater is the best you can do?

"But I LOVE him!!!" is just an excuse to not take responsibility for your own life and your own happiness.

Is this the relationship of your dreams?  When you were young did you imagine yourself spending your life with a man who lies and cheats and who you have to snoop on to find out the truth?  Does all of this make you so blissfully happy that you can't imagine leaving him?

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

wow when you all put it this way! That is what I wanted! I didn’t know if I was in the wrong for snooping?! So feeling like maybe I caused him to do this by snooping not making him happy etc. I feel like it is all my fault I pushed him to do this or something.

Link to post
Share on other sites
36 minutes ago, Sweetchels7679 said:

So feeling like maybe I caused him to do this by snooping not making him happy etc. I feel like it is all my fault I pushed him to do this or something.

No, I highly doubt that.. as mentioned above, this is who HE is. (to me, it sounds like he likes the 'thrill', he wants to venture out there - go for all).. but you don't, right?  Then he is not for you.

You've been in this for too long & what he is doing, is damaging to you.

Lose the player...gain your self respect back.  Take some time to heal from this.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
58 minutes ago, Sweetchels7679 said:

wow when you all put it this way! That is what I wanted! I didn’t know if I was in the wrong for snooping?! So feeling like maybe I caused him to do this by snooping not making him happy etc. I feel like it is all my fault I pushed him to do this or something.

Cheating is never NEVER about you. You cannot push anyone into cheating. I know I know there are a lot of claims and excuses from cheaters and their enablers how it's always someone else's fault they just "had" to cheat but that is pure bs. Nobody has to cheat.

The harsh truth is that cheaters cheat because they love the thrill of deceit. Lying and getting away with it is an adrenaline rush. Getting caught and fooling you into sticking around for more lies and abuse is a power trip and a thrill for them like no other.

Please for the love of, dump him, block all contact and then take a long hard look at yourself and why you thought that any of this was OK or acceptable for you. He didn't just cheat, he put your life and health at risk. Your ability to have children at risk. STD's aren't a joke and they have consequences. Serious ones.

A real loving relationship will never leave you in tears and pain and a partner who loves you will never intentionally harm you.

Link to post
Share on other sites

A young woman who lived in my dorm in college caught an STD and had to have a complete hysterectomy at age 18.  Never going to be able to carry children of her own.  Because someone decided their own selfish pleasure was more important than being safe, healthy and honest.

Edited by boltnrun
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, Sweetchels7679 said:

wow when you all put it this way! That is what I wanted! I didn’t know if I was in the wrong for snooping?! So feeling like maybe I caused him to do this by snooping not making him happy etc. I feel like it is all my fault I pushed him to do this or something.

C’mon.  That’s what you got from this!?  We all told you to dump him because he is a lying cheat!  Stop making excuses by blaming yourself.  

Link to post
Share on other sites
14 hours ago, Sweetchels7679 said:

wow when you all put it this way! That is what I wanted! I didn’t know if I was in the wrong for snooping?! So feeling like maybe I caused him to do this by snooping not making him happy etc. I feel like it is all my fault I pushed him to do this or something.

Is this a BDSM relationship based on your obedience and his disrespect?

You seem to tolerate being a part of his sexual harem and seem to think he's punishing you for "snooping", by catfishing as you to drag wierdos to your place and abuse you.

Maybe he forgot to let you know this is a BDSM thing?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Decide whether what you want in a relationship is monogamy, or not. If so, then walk away from anyone who'd ask for a threesome, and find someone who also wants monogamy.

Screen new dates to learn whether their agenda for dating matches your own. If not, 'next' him and keep searching for the RIGHT match.

This guy is not your match.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

The only way to steer yourself away from "But I love him!!" is to see how HE is treating you and your relationship. He lies, is deceitful, makes you feel bad, disrespects your feelings, and punishes you for busting him. He is quite confident in himself.  He knows you have low self esteem, too much in love with him, so he doesn't have any fear of you leaving him. That is why he chose you..... you are weakened/ would be in denial so he knew he can get away with hitting up these women if caught. That's why it has never stopped. Prove him wrong.

Edited by smackie9
Link to post
Share on other sites

Boy does this dude want have a cake and eat it.

I totally understand if people are comfortable enough to do threesomes.

But in finding one there should always be a clear line drawn so no one gets hurt. You're currently getting hurt.

To me, it started as that and now its just a scapegoat for doing whatever he wants. And it should should have been cut off.

At that point its not looking for a threesome. Its getting his ego massaged because he isn't taking your feelings into consideration.

That wasn't part of the delay. Only you know what is best. But its definitely not right 

All the best xxx

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...