Sex....or lack there of...

[Thisisme07]

My fiancé and I have been together for almost 9 months. We’ve known each other for 15 years. Our sex life is pretty much non existent. Physical intimacy is very important to me. He can live without it. He does not even have a desire to masturbate. I’ve expressed to him my needs, my desires over and over again. It will improve for a day or two. But then it just dwindles back off. And to be honest, he would rather digitally stimulate me then have intercourse. I don’t know what else do to. I NEED sex. I want him to want it. Please help. 

[DancingFool]

I mean...this is who he is. If you need sex, then for the love of, don't marry this guy.

You can't make someone who has little to no sex drive to become interested in sex. They just do not feel that need and cannot and never will.

Think of a food that you don't like. It's like that. You don't want it, you don't crave it, you don't eat it, if it disappeared completely tomorrow, you'd never miss it. You just don't think about it. If you do encounter it and someone insists that you have a bite, you might take a bite....buuuut....you are just not into it and will never want to eat that stuff anyway. This is what sex is for your fiance - something he is not into at all and you can't fix it.

People like that exist and they need to find each other. As for you, you need to end this relationship and seek out someone who is more like you. Sex is one of those critical compatibility points between people and when you are not a match, your relationship is doomed to fail. Don't do that to yourself. Just walk away.

[Wiseman2]

49 minutes ago, Thisisme07 said:

My fiancé and I have been together for almost 9 months.

Physical intimacy is very important to me. He can live without it. 

Sorry this is happening. Dating 30 weeks is a good time to observe incompatibilities like this. Are you living together? How old is he? 

Does he have health problems? Is he a heavy drinker or drug user? Is there a lot of relationship discord? 

[reinventmyself]

Respect that you have needs and honor that.  Respect that his are entirely different. 

I don't think anyone can advise you on how to change this or "make him want it"

The question here is whether you can live without it. . .or live with the compromise that doesn't seem fulfilling either.

You have choice to make.

[SooSad33]

53 minutes ago, Thisisme07 said:

My fiancé and I have been together for almost 9 months. We’ve known each other for 15 years

No matter how long you have 'known each other'... you are engaged already, after only being involved less than a year?

If this is how he is. that's sad 😞  .. Can you guys maybe look into talking to a dr.. this is not all that 'normal'.  Could be some underlying causes.

[lostandhurt]

There is not much anyone can do including you.  You have told him how important this is to you and he simply is not interested in sex.

Even if there is a medical reason he would need to admit that and seek help, not avoid the problem.

 Not sure why you agreed to marry a man that is so incompatible with you. 

There doesn't look like you have any options left.  Marry him and be miserable until you finally divorce him or simply break off the engagement and end things with him.  Who knows there may be a woman out there that isn't interested in sex too that is a perfect fit for him, obviously you are not that woman.

  Lost

[boltnrun]

He will not change.  Never marry someone thinking they'll change because they might, but it will be to become even more of who they are currently.

He isn't interested in sex.

If you proceed with marrying him you will either a) be willingly signing on for a lifetime of little to no sex or b) be tempted to step outside of the marriage to get the sex you crave.

Don't do that to yourself.  Do not marry this man.