Jump to content
'

Fetish, I found out my partner has one ! But he only told me once I was pregnant


Recommended Posts

I found out my partner has one ! But he only told me once I was pregnant ! I’m repulsed and disgusted by it , I so so moved 150 miles and left my family to move in with him out a deposit on a wedding , my mum also passed away whikst I was pregnant which was the most awful experience, after I had my baby I told him he needs to leave that alone whilst I gain some body confidence back , caught him 3-4 times looking at it months after , he wouldn’t have sex with me for weeks , months after which made my self confidence even worse ! Imagine your partner wanting you to stay pregnant and not liking your body that’s just give him a child , I do resent him for not having the decency for telling me before I moved city and job and leaving my friends and certainly before getting pregnant myself , I’m currently getting sterilised by the thought of going through all that again is awful what he put me through , did you leave ? It’s hard for me because my mum isn’t with us anymore and I can’t go home I have no family , but I don’t think il ever be ok with this , 

Link to post
Share on other sites

What is his fetish? Unfortunately it seems like you rushed into things.

Take care of yourself and your child. Talk to trusted friends and family about this and ask for help getting out of the relationship.

How long were you dating before you moved to him and became pregnant?

Also consult your doctor about this and ask for a referral to a therapist to help you leave.

Do not make decisions based on his wierdness. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

The same as the poster pregnancy fetish, we were together a year before I moved and 2 years before I got pregnant , all my family passed away when I was pregnant and my nan just after so it wasn’t a very nice time I’m just struggling I’ve spoken to him about it but the thought of being intimate repulses me , I’m 30 Hes 34 , I don’t have many friends here I’m afraid , sometimes I think I’m shallow for finding it this bad ? But I don’t feel the way I did in the beginning I feel like it’s entrapment 

Link to post
Share on other sites
22 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How was the sex and relationship before you became pregnant?

You're not married so you can leave and file for child support.

It was ok , abit bland and sometimes could go without a week or two , but now I know why , my confidence is absolutely shot I just wish he had the decency to tell me before I upped my life for him , I could of spent more time with my mum which kills me , sex  can be one sided though , U.K. give him oral he will not return , but yet I had to do all sorts when I was pregnant even though I did feel uncomfortable, never cooked for me but I do for him etc , he’s not a nasty person just not got much of a clue but I even find myself recoiling at kisses and don’t enjoy spending time together as I do resent him for W ha t he’s done especially with my family passing away , he’s not been true to me told me who he really was , 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well having a fetish is probably not deliberate and not trying to actually hurt you. People just have fetishes and usually they can't help it. The problem I see here is if he was only interested in you sexually while you were pregnant and then he lost interest. I don't think that just having the pregnancy fetish in and of itself is disgusting. It's just a fetish like any other fetish. E.g. foot fetish. If you're really disturbed by it and you can't deal with it then you might need to end the relationship. Keep in mind too that just because someone has a fetish doesn't always mean they have no capacity to have sex without that fetish. E.g. I have a masquerade mask and wig fetish and it would really turn me on if people were them (yes for real lol). However I can also enjoy sex without my partner wearing them. So the fetish is more like a fantasy but I'm not addicted to it or anything. Does your partner still like you even though you're not pregnant or he lost interest? You are probably right though in the sense that he should have told you about his fetish because it's just good to be honest about your sexuality to your partner. Sex and intimacy is very important in a relationship so it's good to be honest about these things. It's understandable that after two or three years you feel weird he only just told you about it now.

Edited by Tinydance
Link to post
Share on other sites
7 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Well having a fetish is probably not deliberate and not trying to actually hurt you. People just have fetishes and usually they can't help it. The problem I see here is if he was only interested in you sexually while you were pregnant and then he lost interest. I don't think that just having the pregnancy fetish in and of itself is disgusting. It's just a fetish like any other fetish. E.g. foot fetish. If you're really disturbed by it and you can't deal with it then you might need to end the relationship. Keep in mind too that just because someone has a fetish doesn't always mean they have no capacity to have sex without that fetish. E.g. I have a masquerade mask and wig fetish and it would really turn me on if people were them (yes for real lol). However I can also enjoy sex without my partner wearing them. So the fetish is more like a fantasy but I'm not addicted to it or anything. Does your partner still like you even though you're not pregnant or he lost interest? You are probably right though in the sense that he should have told you about his fetish because it's just good to be honest about your sexuality to your partner. Sex and intimacy is very important in a relationship so it's good to be honest about these things. It's understandable that after two or three years you feel weird he only just told you about it now.

I just wish he had told me from the start because it would of given me a chance to try be ok , he made videos of me pregnant would take lots of pictures of me all over me , and he never done that before neither after ! He says he enjoys sex with me aswell but like once a month ? He wants to buy a fair belly and me to wear it ? Because I lost my mum when I was pregnant it made me ill and I nearly died of sepsis , 1. I don’t think Il be comfertable wearing that it would bring up bad memories and 2 he won’t even do the basics to me , oral and other things I consider normal so I don’t see why I should even try get out my comfort zone when he wouldn’t do anything for me , I do care for him and we have history , do I just let him watch porn and try have a normal sex life ? I have a lovely baby, and no family or friends here or back home , I know it’s not his fault he has the fetish but it’s not my fault I’m disgusted by it either , I genuinely don’t know what to do , he ran me a bath once ( which he never does) I was going out with friends later that night and as we were out I asked him to take a picture of me and my son and to send , he accidentally left his phone ooen I could see all these pictures screenshots of pregnant women , he had ran my bath only to take all these picture down stairs Ed from the tv I was disgusted , had big blow out that night he said he needs to see it everyday and it’s a big thing , where is the space  for me there ? He’s never took any pictures of me dressed up or anniversary but will go out his way to take ones or pregnant women on the tele , you can see why am so hurt 

Link to post
Share on other sites

There are several issue. 

You need to get grief counseling and support regarding your mother.

Your sex life is unsatisfying. That has nothing to do with his fetish, so don't bother talking about it indulging it.

You need to balance things out. Talk about how to satisfy you sexually. No one-way streets.

There's a great deal of anger and relationship discord. Insist on couples therapy, if you plan to stay. 

Either way get to you doctor and talk about all this, particularly your grief , discord and unsatisfactory sex life. Get a referral to a therapist.

Stop doing too much for him and over investing, then resenting it. Ask for help with the childcare, household chores and errands.

Stop over-focusing on his fetish. That is simply a symbol of much bigger problems you don't want to address,.

 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
16 minutes ago, Alexandra26 said:

I just wish he had told me from the start because it would of given me a chance to try be ok , he made videos of me pregnant would take lots of pictures of me all over me , and he never done that before neither after ! He says he enjoys sex with me aswell but like once a month ? He wants to buy a fair belly and me to wear it ? Because I lost my mum when I was pregnant it made me ill and I nearly died of sepsis , 1. I don’t think Il be comfertable wearing that it would bring up bad memories and 2 he won’t even do the basics to me , oral and other things I consider normal so I don’t see why I should even try get out my comfort zone when he wouldn’t do anything for me , I do care for him and we have history , do I just let him watch porn and try have a normal sex life ? I have a lovely baby, and no family or friends here or back home , I know it’s not his fault he has the fetish but it’s not my fault I’m disgusted by it either , I genuinely don’t know what to do , he ran me a bath once ( which he never does) I was going out with friends later that night and as we were out I asked him to take a picture of me and my son and to send , he accidentally left his phone ooen I could see all these pictures screenshots of pregnant women , he had ran my bath only to take all these picture down stairs Ed from the tv I was disgusted , had big blow out that night he said he needs to see it everyday and it’s a big thing , where is the space  for me there ? He’s never took any pictures of me dressed up or anniversary but will go out his way to take ones or pregnant women on the tele , you can see why am so hurt 

Yes so unfortunately it seems like this fetish is a very big deal to him. Which does make it unfair when you started dating that he never even mentioned it. It's OK if he forgot to mention something very small but this is a big part of his sexuality. He should have been honest about it and let you decide if you are OK with his fetish and want to actually participate in it. I think there's a difference between having a turn on or fetish that you just enjoy whenever you can, and a fetish you have to have all the time. E.g. if he could just enjoy the fetish while you were pregnant and take sexy photos, but also take photos of you when you're not pregnant. You shouldn't have to put on a fake pregnant belly if you don't like it, you don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with. It sounds like sexually you're probably not compatible and it's not your fault because he wasn't honest with you from the start.

Link to post
Share on other sites
9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

There are several issue. 

You need to get grief counseling and support regarding your mother.

Your sex life is unsatisfying. That has nothing to do with his fetish, so don't bother talking about it indulging it.

You need to balance things out. Talk about how to satisfy you sexually. No one-way streets.

There's a great deal of anger and relationship discord. Insist on couples therapy, if you plan to stay. 

Either way get to you doctor and talk about all this, particularly your grief , discord and unsatisfactory sex life. Get a referral to a therapist.

Stop doing too much for him and over investing, then resenting it. Ask for help with the childcare, household chores and errands.

Stop over-focusing on his fetish. That is simply a symbol of much bigger problems you don't want to address,.

 

I’ve had grief counselling over my mum and nan deaths and antidepressants etc it’s not that that’s the issue really , I have tried to stop doing things cooking etc etc , I’ve asked multiple times if he would cook for me which he simple said no , the fetish’s is a big big deal for me still because there was a point after birth where it was excuses after excuse after excuse and obviously confidence was knocked , I didn’t think I could get councilling for my sex life ? But I will ask 

Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, Alexandra26 said:

I’ve had grief counselling over my mum and nan deaths and antidepressants etc it’s not that that’s the issue really , I have tried to stop doing things cooking etc etc , I’ve asked multiple times if he would cook for me which he simple said no , the fetish’s is a big big deal for me still because there was a point after birth where it was excuses after excuse after excuse and obviously confidence was knocked , I didn’t think I could get councilling for my sex life ? But I will ask 

Yes you can talk to a professional sex therapist or you can still mention your sex life just to a normal counsellor. There do seem to be many issues in your relationship and they are not only related to his fetish. But regarding the fetish, if you're disgusted by it then you can't help how you feel. You started the relationship not knowing he had this fetish so now that you know, he's not the type of person you want to be with.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
12 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Yes so unfortunately it seems like this fetish is a very big deal to him. Which does make it unfair when you started dating that he never even mentioned it. It's OK if he forgot to mention something very small but this is a big part of his sexuality. He should have been honest about it and let you decide if you are OK with his fetish and want to actually participate in it. I think there's a difference between having a turn on or fetish that you just enjoy whenever you can, and a fetish you have to have all the time. E.g. if he could just enjoy the fetish while you were pregnant and take sexy photos, but also take photos of you when you're not pregnant. You shouldn't have to put on a fake pregnant belly if you don't like it, you don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with. It sounds like sexually you're probably not compatible and it's not your fault because he wasn't honest with you from the start.

Yes exactly I wish I could of been ok with it on my own terms and not forced , I think having a baby is quite a raw time anyway especially when I lost so many family and then finding that out too , I don’t think il ever be ok with it , I’ve tried to accommodate him letting him watch it together only with me but I really do hate it I don’t want it to be part of my sex life, I’ve never really liked the idea of porn should  I be ok with letting him watch it on his own even though I know what he is watching disturbs me ? It’s made me struggle with my said esteem too knowing that no matter how thin or fit or voluptuous my figure might be I will never be what he truly  desires that makes me very sad 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Leaving the fetish issues aside I don't see how this relationship can last anyways.  From how you described him you need to start figuring out how to end this and find your own way just you and the baby.

Is his name on the birth certificate?  

I agree you need to talk to someone in your area that can offer services and help.

  Lost

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...