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Is he still interested?


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At work, I was telling one of my friends that one of the other guys at work was my "type".  Lol,  he always stopped to talk to me about his kids, he's a really hard worker, he's funny, and he's so cute! Literally, the next day, he found me on Facebook and we've been talking everyday since November.

At work, we don't get to talk as much.  He works in a different area than me and our schedules are a bit off.  We've gone to lunch together a few times, but at the moment he gets off before I'd even be able to take my lunch, so can't even do that now.  We haven't gotten to hang out outside of work either.  I've been working 50+ hours a week, plus we're both single parents.  It's just been hard.

But our texts were friendly, but soon turned flirty/sexual.  But, early on, we had expressed, both of us, that we were going to take it real slow, see where this goes, and just get to know eachother.  But sometimes, when he's drunk, he's talked about getting married, having kids, and he said he loved me.  I know he was drunk though, and we've only been talking for 2 months.  He doesn't even remember, more than likely, saying that stuff. 

The other night, he went to give his kids a bath (that's what he said when he got back), but I made a comment since he was gone a few minutes "you sick of me already? Find someone new to talk to? Lol" and when he came back he said that he doesn't have many friends that he talks to, just one of his friends from middle school.  And said do I sense a bit of jealousy?  And I laughed and said no. His exact words were "I thought we were just kicking back and taking things slow.  Sexual tension is normal.  Just roll with it. Don't try to make things happen.". But what does that mean??  The last couple of days, texts haven't been as flirty as they had been.  I've said a few things, but he doesn't really come back at him like he used to.  Could be the kids are around, or maybe I'm being too pushy?  

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This may just be a dead end. It's the sexting that makes me think that. 

I don't think it's a matter of you being pushy, or his kids being around. I think it's a matter of pace and comfort.

I get the sense that you both have different ideas of what "real slow" is. You should acknowledge that because it will bite you if you don't.

Also, the sexting thing... It doesn't sit well with me. How do you take things "real slow" and then sext? 

Maybe I'm wrong, but it just seems like sexting is something you do with someone that you're not serious about. It sets a weird tone. Sort of like receiving a d*ck pic.

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25 minutes ago, JandJMom said:

His exact words were "I thought we were just kicking back and taking things slow.  Sexual tension is normal.  Just roll with it. Don't try to make things happen.".  

He's putting you in your place here. 

I would be put off by his response, but it's your indication that he's not actually looking at progressing things, in my opinion. But honestly, I would've been put off by love and marriage talk from a guy I've never even gone on a date with, anyway. 

I wouldn't bother "kicking back" with him any further. He doesn't take you seriously. 

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15 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok sounds like some single parents having some flirty fun. However it's not really going anywhere.

How would you like to see this progressing?

Honestly, I haven't had sex in 3 years.  I wasn't looking for it for a long time, but now I'm ready to have a little fun.  So I'm fine.  I'm not looking for a serious relationship, at this time.  We're both the same age, have a lot of things in common, I like talking to him.  Do I think this is some long term thing?  No.  I think that I'm just ready to get out a little bit.  So I think this is fine. 

Or maybe I'm just desperate for some kind of intimacy and I'm not that pretty, so Im just taking what I can get 😩

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25 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

This may just be a dead end. It's the sexting that makes me think that. 

I don't think it's a matter of you being pushy, or his kids being around. I think it's a matter of pace and comfort.

I get the sense that you both have different ideas of what "real slow" is. You should acknowledge that because it will bite you if you don't.

Also, the sexting thing... It doesn't sit well with me. How do you take things "real slow" and then sext? 

Maybe I'm wrong, but it just seems like sexting is something you do with someone that you're not serious about. It sets a weird tone. Sort of like receiving a d*ck pic.

I'm not going to lie, I don't think I'm looking for anything serious with him anyway.  He's a really nice guy, and I don't want to be mean, but he's not the type of guy that I can see myself taking home to meet my parents.  The more I talk to him, the more I see that he's not the marrying type, not yet anyway.   I'm just looking for a little fun, at the moment, so I guess I'm asking, if he still seems like he's interested in a casual relationship still, lol.  

We took off time next week together and at first he was saying all the things that we were going to do.  But the other day, I asked if we were still going to hang out, and then he said as much as I'd like to do "things to you" I think it would be really nice if we got the kids together to do something fun.  Which is fine, but I was ready to have fun without kids, if you know what I mean.  So, I don't know.  We have sons around the same age and we've talked about getting them together a decent amount, so it will be kind of a date. 

I don't know.  I think I'm just desperate at this point.  I don't even think I want to be married again, but I'm lonely and like to have the attention of a man.  So it's been nice to have someone, that's seen me in person, lately, to be interested in me.  I don't have the highest self esteem, so I feel like I need to take what I can get.

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2 hours ago, JandJMom said:

I think I'm just desperate at this point.  I don't even think I want to be married again, but I'm lonely and like to have the attention of a man.

I get it. Everyone suffers from loneliness or desperation (most likely both at once) at some point in life.

The problem is, these things ruin your judgment. There's really nothing you can do about it at the moment, and this situation will probably go off-kilter one way or another. It happens. Have your fun, take your lumps, move on.

But going forward, you should look into assuaging that loneliness. It really distorts your perceptions.

https://ideas.ted.com/7-ways-to-practice-emotional-first-aid/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2hc2FLOdhI&vl=pt-BR

 

 

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Why not just come right out and tell him what you told us.

You are not interested in anything super serious but you do miss having a man in your life and that you are perfectly fine with just a casual thing right now.

You are both single parents with time constraints and responsibilities so this type of arrangement could benefit you both.   

If he is interested he will make time for you two to be alone, if not he will balk and then you can write him off and find some other guy that fits the bill.

He may be thinking the same thing but is afraid to bring it up.

  Lost

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Having dated jealous and controlling men, that comment "are you sick of me yet?, found someone else?" would set me off.  Taking into consideration that this man merely had to step out and take care of his children.  You might have thought sending something like that in a text was under the guise of being playful, but you can't control how it was received.

I think most people are on the look out early on for red flags.  You shared that moment as if it was innocent, but later admit that you might be a little desperate.

I am sure that's not easy to admit but my guess is he already read that.  Insecurity is often easy to detect even though we think we are really good at hiding it.  When you text him those comments he was probably already suspecting it.  It would explain his strong response.

Edited by reinventmyself
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