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Boyfriend does not keep pictures


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So my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 months. Know each other about 6. I noticed I have pictures of us in my phone. I post them online. I also send all my picture of us to him. Apparently he hasn’t saved any I sent him. When I asked why he said “phones die and get lost so I store my picture on Facebook” but he doesn’t have them there either. He tags me in posts and has me as his girlfriend on Facebook publicly so he’s not trying to hide me. But why doesn’t he keep these pictures? I’m just confused. I don’t want to compare but my ex had an entire file in his phone for pictures of us. It makes me feel like he’s ready to cut me out at any second 

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5 hours ago, Bbygirl said:

So my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 months.

I have pictures of us in my phone. I post them online. I also send all my picture of us to him. 

Sorry to hear that. 12 weeks is a good time to observe if you are compatible.

You don't seem ready to date because you're trying to make him be like your ex with the pictures.

Stop sending and posting pics. He's not into it. Also don't post pics of someone without thier consent.

Unfortunately you seem to be fast forwarding this.  Is your ex the reason you need to broadcast pics of your new BF on social media?

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11 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry to hear that. 12 weeks is a good time to observe if you are compatible.

You don't seem ready to date because you're trying to make him be like your ex with the pictures.

Stop sending and posting pics. He's not into it. Also don't post pics of someone without thier consent.

Unfortunately you seem to be fast forwarding this.  Is your ex the reason you need to broadcast pics of your new BF on social media?

It’s not the social media portion. I just find it odd he doesn’t have any pictures of us. And he’s fine with me posting and tagging him. Granted I only have 1 ex and I brought him up to say I don’t really have much information to look back on besides him. I guess my question is: is this a sign of commitment level? Or is this a personality thing? Do I have reason for concern?

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  • kamurj changed the title to Boyfriend does not keep pictures

Why does he need to have photos of you posted publicly? Why do you? Why do you need photos on your phone? Why does he? I delete a lot of photos so I have room on my phone.  My sense is you're concerned about how into you he is and you're using the photos as a way to worry about it.  Why are you questioning this in the first place? Here's what I do know - I know of several couples who plaster social media with photo after photo of how happy they are - all it means is that they like the attention it gets, have a need to brag, to have others know -woo hoo! - they are in a relationship.  Says nothing about commitment or loyalty, etc.  It's like someone I know who is pregnant for the third time and has told people in our moms group.  But she hasn't told her husband yet.  Because he's out of town -but her whole focus is on how to make it a whole display - what the sign should look like etc.  I don't know.  I peed on a stick then stuck my head out of the bathroom and shouted with joy at my husband - who then took a photo that was never ever posted anywhere publicly.  I promise he's committed to our family.

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7 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Why does he need to have photos of you posted publicly? Why do you? Why do you need photos on your phone? Why does he? I delete a lot of photos so I have room on my phone.  My sense is you're concerned about how into you he is and you're using the photos as a way to worry about it.  Why are you questioning this in the first place? Here's what I do know - I know of several couples who plaster social media with photo after photo of how happy they are - all it means is that they like the attention it gets, have a need to brag, to have others know -woo hoo! - they are in a relationship.  Says nothing about commitment or loyalty, etc.  It's like someone I know who is pregnant for the third time and has told people in our moms group.  But she hasn't told her husband yet.  Because he's out of town -but her whole focus is on how to make it a whole display - what the sign should look like etc.  I don't know.  I peed on a stick then stuck my head out of the bathroom and shouted with joy at my husband - who then took a photo that was never ever posted anywhere publicly.  I promise he's committed to our family.

I’m not concerned with the social media portion. I guess it just seems easy for him to cut me out if there’s no pictures of us. Like I said my ex is my only real frame of reference so I’m trying to gauge the importance of this. 

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17 minutes ago, Bbygirl said:

I’m not concerned with the social media portion. I guess it just seems easy for him to cut me out if there’s no pictures of us. Like I said my ex is my only real frame of reference so I’m trying to gauge the importance of this. 

So that's really concerning -why would it be any easier? He can delete photos or block you on social media if he wants out.  No biggie. Why are you going there? Yes, if a man won't marry you because he tells you that he doesn't want to be tied to you legally or financially he is telling you he wants it to be easier to separate from you.  If he tells you a year from now he doesn't want you to meet his family because if he does it's a signal to his family that you are his forever person and he doesn't feel that way about you -then yes.

  But deciding not to have pictures of what you look like? Pictures of you two together?  It takes a few clicks to change a social media profile to remove anyone or anything.  If he had pictures of you it would just mean.... he likes having other people see what you look like, he likes having other people know he is dating someone.  I never needed that kind of attention to my boyfriend -now husband -and I as a couple.  I knew we loved each other.  I knew we were committed to each other.  So did our families and close friends -not because of photos.  Because we saw them in person, because we spoke of each other to our families and friends, because when we married we had a place together and a baby.  I see dozens of photos of couples on facebook and the status "in a relationship" -sometimes that status sticks for a couple of months, sometimes for decades and everything in between.  

Here's the real question - are you two on the same wavelength as far as your intentions towards each other? Do you want the same things, have the same general and specific goals about each other? Stop looking for positive and negative signs.  If you're not sure of his intentions towards you ask a simple and direct question "how do you see us as a couple?" or "what are your intentions towards me or about us?"  Don't get all coy and ask him about pictures - that will likely annoy him when he realizes what you're really asking.  Ask him what you're really asking and that's how you get the frame of reference.  If to you commitment means blasting your photos all over the place and parading around as a "couple" then meet someone who likes that sort of attention and who doesn't think a relationship is real unless it's facebook official.  But I don't think you want that.  You want to know what his intentions are.  Ask him.

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23 hours ago, Bbygirl said:

So my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 months. Know each other about 6. I noticed I have pictures of us in my phone. I post them online. I also send all my picture of us to him. Apparently he hasn’t saved any I sent him. When I asked why he said “phones die and get lost so I store my picture on Facebook” but he doesn’t have them there either. He tags me in posts and has me as his girlfriend on Facebook publicly so he’s not trying to hide me

Whollay... like slow it down.

Fine if YOU want to take a dozen pics.. save & share.. but don't expect him to be like this.

Like Wiseman said above ^ .  slow it down a bit.

Stop assuming.. stop questioning everything.. Honestly, I would be overwhelmed with all of that in just 3 months!

If he wants to keep, share, store pics.. or not.  Is up to HIM.  Leave it alone.. and give this relationship time.

Not everyone (or guys) favour all the stuff 'girls' do.

But, keep these silly accusations & going at him up & he won't tolerate it for long.

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6 hours ago, Bbygirl said:

. I guess it just seems easy for him to cut me out if there’s no pictures of us. 

The important thing in gauging how are things are going is how he treats you.

Pay attention to his words, actions how involved and engaged he is.

Those things are important. Images can be erased as quickly as they're uploaded/sent so it's more or less  meaningless.

Whatever habits you and your last BF shared doesn't matter. As you can see, that ended, regardless of images.

Many people don't want to clog up thier phones with redundant data and storage eating material. You should do the same.

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10 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

Whollay... like slow it down.

Fine if YOU want to take a dozen pics.. save & share.. but don't expect him to be like this.

Like Wiseman said above ^ .  slow it down a bit.

Stop assuming.. stop questioning everything.. Honestly, I would be overwhelmed with all of that in just 3 months!

If he wants to keep, share, store pics.. or not.  Is up to HIM.  Leave it alone.. and give this relationship time.

Not everyone (or guys) favour all the stuff 'girls' do.

But, keep these silly accusations & going at him up & he won't tolerate it for long.

that’s why I came here before really getting into a long conversation about it. My frame of reference is pretty limited and it’s such a stark contrast that I was worried. 

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You didn't mention your ages.

  You are projecting the importance of storing pictures to the health of the relationship.  If he has tons of pics then it will show he really loves me and will not break up with me so to speak.  Are you that insecure about the relationship that you feel you need this to feel better about the security between you two?

Interesting enough your fear of losing him and the way you are reacting could very well cause what you fear most which him cutting you out of his life.  Self fulfilling prophecy.  Do you see what I mean?  The more you fret about this and bring it up the less he is going to want to be around you or with you because it is a bunch of drama about nothing in his eyes.

  Step back a little and think long and hard as to WHY you need the person you are with to store pics for you to feel wanted and secure in a relationship.

  Lost   

Edited by lostandhurt
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I don't get why you need a frame of reference.  Do you have friends -close friends? Are you close with any family members? Do you have friends who are in serious relationships or married? It's really basic common sense. You don't need to have romantic relationship experience to analyze why it concerns you about this photo situation.

 There's no rule for how people deal with photos and social media when they are friends or married or involved with someone -it depends on many factors.  For example I often get really really tired of friends who post photos of themselves or with their SO on Facebook targeted to get attention for how awesome they look.  So sometimes I don't 'like" it if it's overdone.  But I might like the person as a person just not their attention-grabbing bragging behavior on Facebook.  My husband has zero photos of me posted on his Facebook which he basically never checks/uses.  I have a few photos of him -our wedding picture and photos from years ago I posted in my photo section from when I first joined Facebook.  I love him very much and I'm very committed to him!  And no I don't indicate on my profile I am married "to him" -just married.  Guess what -i have no idea what his relationship status is on Facebook.  Because I don't care.

I agree you need to be a lot more chill/low maintenance in this new relationship.

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19 hours ago, Batya33 said:

So that's really concerning -why would it be any easier? He can delete photos or block you on social media if he wants out.  No biggie. Why are you going there? Yes, if a man won't marry you because he tells you that he doesn't want to be tied to you legally or financially he is telling you he wants it to be easier to separate from you.  If he tells you a year from now he doesn't want you to meet his family because if he does it's a signal to his family that you are his forever person and he doesn't feel that way about you -then yes.

  But deciding not to have pictures of what you look like? Pictures of you two together?  It takes a few clicks to change a social media profile to remove anyone or anything.  If he had pictures of you it would just mean.... he likes having other people see what you look like, he likes having other people know he is dating someone.  I never needed that kind of attention to my boyfriend -now husband -and I as a couple.  I knew we loved each other.  I knew we were committed to each other.  So did our families and close friends -not because of photos.  Because we saw them in person, because we spoke of each other to our families and friends, because when we married we had a place together and a baby.  I see dozens of photos of couples on facebook and the status "in a relationship" -sometimes that status sticks for a couple of months, sometimes for decades and everything in between.  

Here's the real question - are you two on the same wavelength as far as your intentions towards each other? Do you want the same things, have the same general and specific goals about each other? Stop looking for positive and negative signs.  If you're not sure of his intentions towards you ask a simple and direct question "how do you see us as a couple?" or "what are your intentions towards me or about us?"  Don't get all coy and ask him about pictures - that will likely annoy him when he realizes what you're really asking.  Ask him what you're really asking and that's how you get the frame of reference.  If to you commitment means blasting your photos all over the place and parading around as a "couple" then meet someone who likes that sort of attention and who doesn't think a relationship is real unless it's facebook official.  But I don't think you want that.  You want to know what his intentions are.  Ask him.

We’re official. It’s not that. I think my insecurity stems from an event that happened a couple months back where he was messaging other girls and commenting “gorgeous” and stuff on their pictures. 

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5 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Pics on his phone proves he really loves you?

I think the insecurity stems from a thing that happened a couple months ago where he would comment on girls pictures and message them “gorgeous” and stuff. Not like soliciting anything but it’s still in the back of my head. 

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Just now, Bbygirl said:

 I think my insecurity stems from an event that happened a couple months back where he was messaging other girls and commenting “gorgeous” and stuff on their pictures. 

Ok, that's a whole different story. Talk to him about boundaries.

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5 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

You didn't mention your ages.

  You are projecting the importance of storing pictures to the health of the relationship.  If he has tons of pics then it will show he really loves me and will not break up with me so to speak.  Are you that insecure about the relationship that you feel you need this to feel better about the security between you two?

Interesting enough your fear of losing him and the way you are reacting could very well cause what you fear most which him cutting you out of his life.  Self fulfilling prophecy.  Do you see what I mean?  The more you fret about this and bring it up the less he is going to want to be around you or with you because it is a bunch of drama about nothing in his eyes.

  Step back a little and think long and hard as to WHY you need the person you are with to store pics for you to feel wanted and secure in a relationship.

  Lost   

Actually I did think harder on it after reading some replies. I think this insecurity stems from him commenting “gorgeous” and stuff on other girls pictures. And it was like this huge thing. I have a tendency to cut people out and I’m trying to change that. So I agreed to stay but I think it still is in the back of my mind sometimes 

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3 minutes ago, Bbygirl said:

I think my insecurity stems from an event that happened a couple months back where he was messaging other girls and commenting “gorgeous” and stuff on their pictures. 

How did he handle things when you explained to him that him messaging other girls and leaving comments like that didn't jibe with what you want from a committed relationship? Was he understanding? How long had you been together when he was doing that? 

All in all, it's starting to sound like your focusing on the photos to avoid focusing on something else. 

 

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13 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok, that's a whole different story. Talk to him about boundaries.

I didn’t really think about it actively as a factor because I’m usually not like this. And when people pointed out the social media thing that was really out of character for me. But should I tell him that it’s concerning me and where that concern comes from? Is he hiding something from me? Because I asked to see one of the pictures (my phone died) and he said he didn’t have it. So my immediately thought was he didn’t want to show me what pictures he had.  I mean I think to him the issue is resolved because he’s not doing it. And while it’s getting better for me things like this feel worse than they are. It’s not that I’m unhappy with him. I’m incredibly happy. But this one thing is still very prevalent in my consciousness but bringing it feels like I’m beating a dead horse 

Edited by Bbygirl
Wasn’t sure how to word it
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1 minute ago, bluecastle said:

How did he handle things when you explained to him that him messaging other girls and leaving comments like that didn't jibe with what you want from a committed relationship? Was he understanding? How long had you been together when he was doing that? 

All in all, it's starting to sound like your focusing on the photos to avoid focusing on something else. 

 

He was understanding. And he hasn’t done it again since we had the discussion. We were together about a month and a half officially. I thunk I’m afraid of being stupid. Like I usually don’t give second chances. So this is something I’m wrestling with. And I’m not sure if I’m looking for a reason to be suspicious. If I’m right to be suspicious. I just don’t know. 

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2 hours ago, Bbygirl said:

We’re official. It’s not that. I think my insecurity stems from an event that happened a couple months back where he was messaging other girls and commenting “gorgeous” and stuff on their pictures. 

But at that point you weren't official right?  So I wouldn't be interested in dating someone who behaved that way because I find it tacky and shallow whether the person is in a relationship or not.  And even if he had pictures of you posted his values are that he thinks it's appropriate to comment on women's physical features on facebook and message them about their bodies.  Many would be fine with that because they also like to comment on other's physical features on Facebook or social media.  I also think if a person is in a relationship it's probably not appropriate to do that but that's a separate matter. He hasn't done it again which shows he is trying to change his behavior.  Do you find him to be a person who regards women with respect and as people not just bodies?

Edited by Batya33
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1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

But at that point you weren't official right?  So I wouldn't be interested in dating someone who behaved that way because I find it tacky and shallow whether the person is in a relationship or not.  And even if he had pictures of you posted his values are that he thinks it's appropriate to comment on women's physical features on facebook and message them about their bodies.  Many would be fine with that because they also like to comment on other's physical features on Facebook or social media.  I also think if a person is in a relationship it's probably not appropriate to do that but that's a separate matter. He hasn't done it again which shows he is trying to change his behavior.  Do you find him to be a person who regards women with respect and as people not just bodies?

So he was in the marines. Hasnt dated anyone since freshman year of high school. And I had decided it was he hadn’t mentally switched into being officially in a relationship. (We were officially and it was on Snapchat so not public). So he’s changed his behavior and He is really respectful. I just am finding it difficult to let go of that. 

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Let go of the past. He's treating you well.

If you keep operating based on your last BF, you'll undermine future happiness.

At a few weeks in you should be enjoying your new romance, not nagging him about what's on his phone.

Why did you and your former BF break up? Are you still talking to him? Sounds like you are still scanning his social media.

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