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Flowers for someone who turned you down


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Don't set yourself up for more hurt.  Should you send flowers, she will say or text something to you which you will not like, snub or ignore you.  And, if both of you are at the same workplace, it's all the worse.  Don't risk getting personal with colleagues in a public setting, embarrassed, humiliated or receiving a talking to.  Do you want any of those scenarios?  I doubt it. 

Let it go and let her go.  Time will heal your wounds.  You don't see it now but in the near future, she will eventually become a blur as life moves on for you. 

Chin up. 

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18 hours ago, Brice said:

The day before she cancels saying she clicked with someone else.  
my question is:   I don’t just want to give up, is it ok for me to send her flowers to her work at hopes of making the date again?

Nah, I say leave it.  She reacted & told you the truth here...

Give Her Nothing. . . Just walk away. ( Her choice..)

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It might be helpful to consider those who've 'nexted' you for someone else to have done you a favor by screening themselves out.

The old saying, "...trying to find a needle in a haystack," applies to all of us, because most people are NOT our match. So the goal is resilience while we keep searching to find one person who can view us through the right lens.

When someone doesn't own the capacity to see and appreciate your unique value, that speaks of their limits rather than as any reflection on you.

Keep being you, and the right person will recognize you--without any need to pretzel yourself to compete. Think 'simpatico' and settle for nothing less.

Head high.

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I have some advice that you can carry with you for situations like this....to be desirable is to be less available. Giving them the idea that it's done, shows self worth, strength in yourself, and confidence. Sending flowers says "doormat/push over" You never ever let them think they have all the control/the upper hand. Detaching yourself breaks those chains.

You date others, have fun, have sex, etc. If she messages you, you don't jump at it. Be cool, a little aloof, maybe slip a little flirt to bread crumb her. Make it look like she has to work for it a little. I say this because people desire what they can't have or is just out of reach. If you are too eager, they get comfortable and make you an option. Just the way it is.

Edited by smackie9
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8 hours ago, smackie9 said:

I have some advice that you can carry with you for situations like this....to be desirable is to be less available. Giving them the idea that it's done, shows self worth, strength in yourself, and confidence. Sending flowers says "doormat/push over" You never ever let them think they have all the control/the upper hand. Detaching yourself breaks those chains.

You date others, have fun, have sex, etc. If she messages you, you don't jump at it. Be cool, a little aloof, maybe slip a little flirt to bread crumb her. Make it look like she has to work for it a little. I say this because people desire what they can't have or is just out of reach. If you are too eager, they get comfortable and make you an option. Just the way it is.

I appreciate your outlook.  And you probably are right.  Just those are precisely the dating games I hate. 

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3 hours ago, Brice said:

I appreciate your outlook.  And you probably are right.  Just those are precisely the dating games I hate. 

There is no game.  She was forthright and direct with you.  She just chose someone else.  It would be a game if she strung you along.  If someone doesn't feel a connection with you, its best if they don't accept another date so you can meet someone who suits you better, too

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17 hours ago, abitbroken said:

There is no game.  She was forthright and direct with you.  She just chose someone else.  It would be a game if she strung you along.  If someone doesn't feel a connection with you, its best if they don't accept another date so you can meet someone who suits you better, too

My reference to the dating games was not with respect to her at all but the angle the previous poster suggest I act when dating.  

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On 1/12/2021 at 4:15 PM, Brice said:

I appreciate your outlook.  And you probably are right.  Just those are precisely the dating games I hate. 

And sending flowers isn't part of that game??? come on. The game: doing an action to get a reaction.

 

Edited by smackie9
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On 1/12/2021 at 7:15 PM, Brice said:

I appreciate your outlook.  And you probably are right.  Just those are precisely the dating games I hate. 

The idea of bringing some small/inexpensive flowers on date #2 is a great idea.  See how things go. Unfortunately the start of online dating is a lot of one-and-done. Often has nothing to do with you. People are talking to and meeting others, may be talking to an ex, who knows.

All you can do is follow up and try to secure a second date possibly on date one. The rest is out of your hands.

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On 1/14/2021 at 10:50 AM, smackie9 said:

And sending flowers isn't part of that game??? come on. The game: doing an action to get a reaction.

 

Agreed. Not all that long ago I struggled with a new short term relationship ending and it really blindsided me. Never saw it coming and I was surprised at how heartbroken I was over it. I managed to maintain NC ever since and haven’t heard from her either. I’m glad I did because I feel like I kept some self respect. 

My point is, in the month following I had a strong desire, for a couple of nights, to send flowers to her home. Saying no hard feelings and that she’s still a great person (which I do believe). I almost convinced myself it would make me feel good and that I wasn’t wanting a reaction or response to them. I let that simmer for awhile in my mind and didn’t act on my hearts impulses. A few days later I was so glad I didn’t and my emotions were clouding everything including actions and I wasn’t thinking clearly. I never sent them or even a text since the break up, a part of me can hang my hat on that and so could you.

Doesnt mean she’s a bad person or wanted to hurt you. She just made a choice based on how she felt. I still think the world of my ex but she’s gone and I accept that and respect her now for being honest and leaving me instead of dragging things on.

LSS, don’t send her any gifts or messages unless you really are willing to accept friendship or nothing. She left you, let her leave you and not give her the gift of you missing her.

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