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Flowers for someone who turned you down


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Met someone whom I talked with for a month before going on the first date.  We really seemed to hit it off, and it was mutual with her usually bringing that up and remarking how great the night was and not wanting to wait to do it again.   Seemed really genuine and was honestly the best date of my life.  
We both agreed, it was a fantastic evening and agreed we’d go skating outside for the second date.  This was just before Christmas, unfortunately she was going to her sisters for Christmas and New Years so it was 3 weeks before we could go out again.  But all along we were texting and still planning on getting together after the holidays. 
finally arranged the second date.  The day before she cancels saying she clicked with someone else.  
my question is:   I don’t just want to give up, is it ok for me to send her flowers to her work at hopes of making the date again?

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No, she already told you she clicked with someone else. Sending flowers to her would signal you can’t take no for an answer. She said no in a nice way. She’s interested in someone else. It was ONE date. Just move on. 

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2 hours ago, Brice said:

 I don’t just want to give up, is it ok for me to send her flowers to her work at hopes of making the date again?

No. That's creepy and sort of stalking.

No matter how well a date went, unfortunately there's a lot of one-and-done situations because people are still meeting and talking to others.

Best thing to do is bow out gracefully and move forward. If she contacts you in the future, you can rethink things then.

 

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I’m sorry, OP. 

No, don’t send her flowers (especially not to her workplace) She’s already drawn a boundary and that would be over-stepping it. It’s likely to make her uncomfortable, and make her think you don’t respect her wishes. 

Simply carry on and understand that she isn’t the right match for you. 

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Sending flowers would be a terrible idea! That would be really full-on and make you seem like a stalker. Sorry! I think the best you can do in that situation is say: "I really enjoyed meeting you, if you change your mind let me know". And just never contact her again unless she reaches out to you.

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No.  She was clear that she was interested in someone else.   It would very disrespectful to both of them, and show you in a bad light.

Would you like someone to do that with someone you are dating?

Edited by Hollyj
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I’m suing Hollywood.  Lol.  
 

I guess I normally just move on, and it never seems to workout and it’s just the same old story for me, always the second choice.    Thought about trying something different this time, and I thought she was worth the effort.  

Edited by Brice
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3 minutes ago, Brice said:

I’m suing Hollywood.  Lol.  
 

I guess I normally just move on, and it never seems to workout and it’s just the same old story for me, always the second choice.    Thought about trying something different this time, and I thought she was worth the effort.  

I think someone is only worth the effort if they're actually interested. Unfortunately giving someone gifts or flowers wouldn't change their feelings. Besides, you don't want to "buy" someone's feelings anyway. Feelings should be natural. You should save buying flowers for your actual future girlfriend!

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10 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

I think someone is only worth the effort if they're actually interested. Unfortunately giving someone gifts or flowers wouldn't change their feelings. Besides, you don't want to "buy" someone's feelings anyway. Feelings should be natural. You should save buying flowers for your actual future girlfriend!

I don’t see flowers as buying someone something,  I see it as thinking of them.  On your point all of dating is buying someone things.  If it’s drinks, dinner, or flowers etc.   I see and appreciate your point, I just see it differently I guess.   
 

but alas it seems the flowers idea seems to be a resounding no.  

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1 hour ago, Brice said:

but alas it seems the flowers idea seems to be a resounding no.  

I'm on board with "no" as well. Under these circumstances, sending flowers (or gifts) comes off as creepy, unfortunately. 

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2 hours ago, Brice said:

I don’t see flowers as buying someone something,  I see it as thinking of them.  On your point all of dating is buying someone things.  If it’s drinks, dinner, or flowers etc.   I see and appreciate your point, I just see it differently I guess.   
 

but alas it seems the flowers idea seems to be a resounding no.  

Dude she doesn't CARE that you are thinking about her because she found someone she likes better.

That's what you need to understand.

It isn't about YOU anymore.

 

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19 minutes ago, gamon said:

Dude she doesn't CARE that you are thinking about her because she found someone she likes better.

That's what you need to understand.

It isn't about YOU anymore.

 

DUDE. I get it.  The first 10 people were good thanks. Just explaining my thought process...not persisting.  Thanks for your input DUDE.  

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3 hours ago, Tinydance said:

I think the best you can do in that situation is say: "I really enjoyed meeting you, if you change your mind let me know".

I agree with this.

Removing the lens from you, understanding this is a sensitive moment, I'll just say that when I've been in your shoes this has been my general response: totally get it, lovely meeting you, should the winds change don't be a stranger. That's being confident enough to own your truth and respectful of where it doesn't align with someone else's.

Good vibes for all—and good for you, big picture, because good vibes are attractive. 

 

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8 minutes ago, bluecastle said:

I agree with this.

Removing the lens from you, understanding this is a sensitive moment, I'll just say that when I've been in your shoes this has been my general response: totally get it, lovely meeting you, should the winds change don't be a stranger. That's being confident enough to own your truth and respectful of where it doesn't align with someone else's.

Good vibes for all—and good for you, big picture, because good vibes are attractive. 

 

Appreciate the comment.  That’s what I did.   That’s been historically my approach.   Historically I’ve always left it at that.  
most the time They rarely cross my mind again.  Once before when I thought they were worth it I thought about texting the person a few months later to see how they were, but didn’t.  This time I thought about flowers, but didn’t.  

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Maybe you need to work on why this is the same old story for you, and you're always the second choice.

Perhaps you get very defensive and don't respond well when someone gives you constructive criticism.

 

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Just now, gamon said:

Maybe you need to work on why this is the same old story for you, and you're always the second choice.

Perhaps you get very defensive and don't respond well when someone gives you constructive criticism.

 

Funny. I think I responded well to everyone but you.  Perhaps it was how you said it and not what you said.  Seemed like just a jumping on the pile kind of snide remark.  Thanks for your time 

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In fact you only responded directly to one other poster besides me, and in that response you said "I see it differently".

In other words, not once- in that response or elsewhere else on this thread did you indicate that you understood why sending flowers wasn't a good idea.

 

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10 minutes ago, gamon said:

In fact you only responded directly to one other poster besides me, and in that response you said "I see it differently".

In other words, not once- in that response or elsewhere else on this thread did you indicate that you understood why sending flowers wasn't a good idea.

 

I see it differently a bad response?  It’s how I view it that’s all.     Not insulting their opinion merely saying it’s a different opinion.
everyone else seemed to have positive criticism, and framed it bluntly but politely.  Yours did not give that vibe...thus my specific reply to you  

I did say previous to your comment in reply to others input “but alas it seems the flowers idea seems to be a resounding no”  

 Not sure where this is going, but all the best my man. 

Edited by Brice
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You said to me "I get it" but in your only response to another member your indicated that you didn't agree with them. All you said was that because other people said it's a bad idea you won't do it but you didn't understand why and I think it's important to know why.

That's why I responded the way I did, to try to explain to you why sending flowers to a girl who dumped you and is now with another guy is a BAD idea.

 

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Actually I said I normally move on and wouldn’t do it...meaning I do kind of get it, but thought or trying something else this time, no?   Was just throwing it out there are an option not that I was committed to it.   
My disagreement with them that flowers is a financial gesture not that giving them in the first place was a good or bad idea.   
regardless, thanks for caring enough to provide feedback.  

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She didn't "dump" him lol.  She politely explained she felt she clicked with someone else and wouldn't be dating him anymore.  They went on ONE date which hardly qualifies as being "dumped".

Anyway, I agree with "no" to the flowers idea.  But you seem like a nice man, OP.  There's a woman out there who is right for you, it just takes some time to find her.

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1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

She didn't "dump" him lol.  She politely explained she felt she clicked with someone else and wouldn't be dating him anymore.  They went on ONE date which hardly qualifies as being "dumped".

Anyway, I agree with "no" to the flowers idea.  But you seem like a nice man, OP.  There's a woman out there who is right for you, it just takes some time to find her.

Thanks buddy.  

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2 hours ago, Brice said:

Thanks buddy.  

Agree with Bolt.  Do not ever send anything to someone’s work place unless you know it’s ok with them. Especially flowers. Or you’re an established couple.  

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No, it's not ok to send her flowers.  Never grovel.  She has made it clear to you that she clicked with someone else so take the hint and get her message that she has since moved on from you. 

You mean well and I admire you for that.  I'm sorry you were rejected and replaced.  No one likes it.  However, that's life. 

Soldier on.  It wasn't meant to be.  The right one is out there for you.  You just haven't met her yet.  In due time, your day in the sun will come.  Patience is key.  Hang in there. 

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