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Ex Unfriended all my friends and family on Facebook except for one person


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When my ex and I broke up, she unfriended all my friends and family except for the person who had been my best friend since elementary school. I thought this was odd but didn’t think much of it. They didn’t know each other before we started dating and weren’t really friends in real life aside from their association with me. I unfriended all of her friends and family (and eventually her). They were all primarily her friends and I think it would be too awkward and weird to follow them on social media.

A few months after we broke up, she reaches out and says she wants to be friends with me. Except I very quickly learned the only time she wanted to talk was when she needed something from me or needed to ask me a question no one else could really help her with. She would also try to ask me what I was up to, I guess to see what my life was like post breakup because she never wanted to carry on a full conversation.

I feel that still leaving this friend of mine as a Facebook friend was a part of her peering into my life because my friend and I would always tag each other in posts and mess around with each other. I don’t remember if I ever told my friend the full extent about my suspicions of her and I guess it wasn’t something he paid much attention to either.

Unfortunately, my friend has since passed away and my ex is still friends on Facebook with him. It doesn’t sit right with me only because of what her intentions seem to be with me. And I can’t talk to my friend anymore about my ex’s stalkerish behavior towards me.

My only concern is that if I post on his memorial wall, she will be able to see it. I just feel like whatever I post from this point forward is none of her business. I want to confront my ex about her behavior and get her to unfriend him, but that probably won’t go well.

I’m probably going to wind up blocking her, but also looking for ways to cope with this too I guess.

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I think that the simplest solution is to block.   You are tying yourself up into knots over nothing, focus on your lovely friend.  

I  am very sorry for your loss.

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If for whatever reason you don’t want to block her yet you can change your posts from public to ‘all but ‘insert name here’ ‘

 

I’m sorry for your loss 

Edited by 1a1a
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9 minutes ago, 1a1a said:

If for whatever reason you don’t want to block her yet you can change your posts from public to ‘all but ‘insert name here’ ‘

I'd forgotten about that option, but good point. You can specifically filter her from seeing what you post, OP. 

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4 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

I'd forgotten about that option, but good point. You can specifically filter her from seeing what you post, OP. 

I appreciate that. But unfortunately I’ve already unfriended her and I recently had his account memorialized at his families request. Because of that, there doesn’t seem to be a way to specifically exclude her from what I see. Anything I post on my timeline that’s friends only she can’t see of course! But there doesn’t seem to be a way to filter who can see what you post on the tribute wall for a memorial account. It seems to be open to all of their friends with no filters.

His family is currently trying to become the managers of his memorial account. When/if that happens, I might explain to them the situation and see if they will remove her from his friends list. But I will probably just block her at this point. That way she can’t peek at my profile either, even though I have pretty much nothing there for non-friends to see.

And thank you everyone for your sympathies. It stinks, but I have lots of memories to hold onto from my friend.

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You don't have to be friends with someone in order to block them. Once blocked, they shouldn't be able to see any content you post, even on someone else's timeline.

How did she even end up on your friends FB page? Did they accept a friend request from her? I'd also be careful about talking to your friends family about your ex, it might look like pettiness. But it also depends on how close you are to their family. I think they might wonder too though why she ended up on that persons friend list.

But blocking her seems to be the best solution. I know you don't want her on their page at all, but if it's because you don't want her seeing your posts, blocking will remedy that.

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9 minutes ago, SherrySher said:

You don't have to be friends with someone in order to block them. Once blocked, they shouldn't be able to see any content you post, even on someone else's timeline.

How did she even end up on your friends FB page? Did they accept a friend request from her? I'd also be careful about talking to your friends family about your ex, it might look like pettiness. But it also depends on how close you are to their family. I think they might wonder too though why she ended up on that persons friend list.

But blocking her seems to be the best solution. I know you don't want her on their page at all, but if it's because you don't want her seeing your posts, blocking will remedy that.

I know that. I just feel like she doesn’t have any business being on his page at this point based off of her post breakup behavior and things she has said to me. Because of things she has done and said, I feel like it’s a way for her to maintain a connection to me, even though it’s a very small connection. But blocking her would fix that.

I don’t know who initiated it, but they were Facebook friends while we were still together, so nothing unordinary about that at the time. I was friends on there with her friends too, but some of them unfriended me after the breakup and I unfriended the rest at that point in time. And I’ve known my friend and his family since elementary school. Mostbpeople seem to understand my concerns about her when I explain to them the full situation. That’s too much to share here and could easily be another post or posts on this forum.

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6 hours ago, 1a1a said:

If for whatever reason you don’t want to block her yet you can change your posts from public to ‘all but ‘insert name here’ ‘

Good tip! Always a good idea after a breakup to retool and reset all social media.

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Just to let you know, Facebook is glitchy and changing posts for only certain friends, doesn't always work. It can and still does sometimes post for all to see (I've had that happen to me more than once). I found out by seeing a person on my fb like or comment on a post that was supposedly hidden from them.

Blocking is the only for sure way.

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2 hours ago, SherrySher said:

Just to let you know, Facebook is glitchy and changing posts for only certain friends, doesn't always work. It can and still does sometimes post for all to see (I've had that happen to me more than once). I found out by seeing a person on my fb like or comment on a post that was supposedly hidden from them.

Blocking is the only for sure way.

But like I said, I unfriended my ex on Facebook a while back. I know she can’t see my posts because she essentially complained to me that I unfriended her...after we had already broken up.

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Yes, but if there is a memorial page and you post on there, she will see it. The only way she can't see it, is if you block her.

FB has an option to make a post and then only choose specific people who can see it, but as I was saying it doesn't work half the time and sometimes it will post for all to see, despite you restricting it.

I found out the hard way.

Mind you, my post wasn't offensive to anyone, it was only pictures meant for a few specific friends to see and a bit of background info. I changed the post so it only included a few people, but then I had a few other friends liking and commenting. So I know that option doesn't actually always work.

If you're adamant about her not seeing anything you wrote, your only option is to block.

 

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Deepest sympathy for the loss of your friend.

The key word in your post is 'ex'. This means, as with every other adult, you don't get to control what she reads or sees.

So don't post where you believe she can see it if that bothers you so much. Meanwhile, research every technical avenue of blocking her, and be done. Quickly.

We can't control other people, but we can control our own reaction to them. So focus on your own life, and make room for the idea that a public forum is shared with the public, one way or another.

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Might be overthinking it my friend. She is an X, which means you do not have to devote a single bit of energy on them. You dont have to worry about that they do, what they may or may not see, how they react, what they feel, who they are feeling things with, who they are with.. nothing. They are an X and you leave them at that. And from what you said it sounds like she has already emotionally put you in her past. She can be friends with you because she doesnt see you as a romantic interest, she doesnt want you, doesnt want to be with you and I think the "can we be friends" line is just a way to relieve her guilt. 

And you answer is simple. If you dont care for your X, you dont have to worry about blocking because you live your own life. Post what you want on your friends page and its up to your X to deal with it, not you. Life moves on.. the sun will still rise and set even without her in your life so there is no reason to give it a second thought. She is a part of your past, leave her there. 

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