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Sometimes Rude, Sometimes Nice Ex-Husband


ChellyV
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I thought this was a non-issue to me but I will be a hypocrite if I say it does not bother me. I thought I would be indifferent by now, but I am not! Grrr at myself. 

Ex-husband of 10 years separated in late 2019, and in the process of divorce. The cause of the demise  is quite complex - a stepson who is a chronic thief (not sure what words best describes), lazy, disrespectful, and by year 7 of marriage, ex-husband would say “he does not love me, and will never love me”, slept separately for 3 years before the final kaput. I stayed hoping things will change, but its true what they say, you wake up and suddenly you are so tired of it. I asked him to leave. He admitted he was not ready for that, but I said, you will just have to figure it out. 

Just a week ago, he was stalking me on social media. Then, called me to say he will pay off our credit card. I said, I cannot make a lumpsum payment of my share, so we have to do a payment plan. He said, I can pay whenever. Called again about his covid scare, his union, his job, etc. Then today, called me ..his typical sarcasm over my text request for him to be present on a zoom call with our immigration lawyer, for my daughter’s I-130. I thought a simple smh reaction would do, but I was 😡😡😡😡. I did not articulate what I was feeling, I simply pretended not to hear it. The worst part is having to stay on the line for him to finish $@)*#)*!!@@## just so I can say what needed to be said, that his wet signature is required on one of the documents, and when may he find time to do it. 

Ah just venting. I am friends with most ex’s. This one is a challenge. May be a problem on my end too. 

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4 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Can you have a trusted go-between person communicate with him about this sort of thing on your behalf?

I actually do, my bestfriend, but she is recovering from COVID. 😔 And gave me feedback about him being difficult sometimes. Ayayay. 

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1 hour ago, ChellyV said:

I actually do, my bestfriend, but she is recovering from COVID. 😔 And gave me feedback about him being difficult sometimes. Ayayay. 

Yes- can she text or call him on your behalf or do you mean she is feeling poorly? I sure hope she feels all better soon.  

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I have a feeling HE was just coasting along.. in comfort.. But then suddenly YOU made a move- he wasn't expecting?

So, he's 'reacting', so you will get a whole mixed bag of tude.. ?

I only dealt with my ex's as necessary re: our kids. ( of course they reacted in a negative for a good while).

I don't play those games. We're all affected, of course.

So, I suggest you try to keep to yourself- don't react to his acting up over it. He's going to need some time to work on accepting all of this.  He NEEDS to learn to vent onto friends/family.

I think only one or 2 ex's I was 'able' to accept as a 'friend-like' relation afterwards, since neither were affected, all was accepted and no harsh reactions (hurt).

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Sorry this is happening. Are there divorce/separation issues that you can have the attorney handle?

The more things are black and white and follow the laws regarding dissolution of marriage and division of property the less arbitrary things are or subject to whether he's nice or not.

Talk to your attorney about the debt and any other ties and responsibilities.

Make sure your estranged husband is not calling the shots that an attorney should be handling.

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  • 8 months later...

I would have a mediator or your lawyers as the go between. Do not involve a friend.  Be very business like when you communicate, preferably in an email.  Do not put emotions or feelings into it - just state what needs to be done.  "our daughter needs to have signatures on her documents.  The signature is due x"

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