Girlfriend leaving away for college [Read Desc]

[Chris Decker]

Hello so me and my girlfriend we'll call her Jane for the sake of this explanation... Jane is returning to campus which is 2 and a half hours away she wont be off again until June... Were going to stay together but how do I cope with not being able to see her? And how should I tackle the not being able to text and talk often due to her schooling... Not sure if anyone has been in the same boat I know this isnt the biggest deal but its something I have never gone through before.

[Rose Mosse]

Is she just as invested in the relationship or did she seem lukewarm about the idea of staying in one? Try it out and see how it goes. 

Is that 2.5 hrs driving or flying? 

Let her know that you are letting her take the reins and to ask her to let you know when she is free so that both of you can speak on the phone or facetime or video chat at times that work for both of you. 

 

 

[SooSad33]

Not able to text or talk 'often'  should be okay- is not like you'll never be able to, right?

Is now time for YOU to work on & focus on yourself more ( never lose yourself in a relation).

Do you have things to do?  Hobby.. gaming..schooling..etc?

 

[Chris Decker]

1 hour ago, Rose Mosse said:

Is she just as invested in the relationship or did she seem lukewarm about the idea of staying in one? Try it out and see how it goes. 

Is that 2.5 hrs driving or flying? 

Let her know that you are letting her take the reins and to ask her to let you know when she is free so that both of you can speak on the phone or facetime or video chat at times that work for both of you. 

 

 

Yes were both invested this is 2.5 hours driving wise which isnt a big deal to me she just is also the type of girl thats invested in her future considering its daddies money that paying for the college

[Chris Decker]

53 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Not able to text or talk 'often'  should be okay- is not like you'll never be able to, right?

Is now time for YOU to work on & focus on yourself more ( never lose yourself in a relation).

Do you have things to do?  Hobby.. gaming..schooling..etc?

 

Yes I do I recently lost my job I was a Manager for a JCPenney and then my store closed but I do still have a good bit of money on top of unemployment now to drive me steady for a long while... I game and have a few cars that I work on just curious if other people have delt with something like this I am in my 20's and this is my first serious relationship so not sure how to handle it was all

[Cherylyn]

Remain realistic.  Make the best of the situation yet be prepared for the worst and many times, the inevitable.  Remember this:  "Absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder.  To the contrary, too much absence, causes two people to drift apart permanently." 

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Chris Decker said:

 I am in my 20's and this is my first serious relationship so not sure how to handle it was all

LDRs are difficult. How long have you been dating?

You can see how this goes. If it's not working out for you, you can always cut your losses then and free yourselves.

Keep in mind she'll be busy, talking to a lot of new people etc. You may want to do the same.

 

[MissCanuck]

How does she feel about remaining in a long-distance relationship?

[smackie9]

My advice...keep up with good communication.

[Rose Mosse]

The daddy's money thing feels like resentment brewing. Do I detect some underlying annoyance there? .. 

Good for you for being able to weather the storm. Keep up your spirits and mental health. This means not taking on too much worry or burden wondering how you can make this relationship work if it's really not meant to be. All things in good time.

If you drive, make plans to visit her (if possible, considering any restrictions or house rules on her part if she lives with other people). I think this shows initiative and the intention to maintain your relationship or intimacy as a couple. Ask her when her breaks are for school and whether she'd be open to planning day trips or road trips in the spring or summer. Are there things to explore closer to where she lives? 

After June, what are her plans? 

 

[Chris Decker]

On 1/8/2021 at 12:40 PM, Rose Mosse said:

The daddy's money thing feels like resentment brewing. Do I detect some underlying annoyance there? .. 

Good for you for being able to weather the storm. Keep up your spirits and mental health. This means not taking on too much worry or burden wondering how you can make this relationship work if it's really not meant to be. All things in good time.

If you drive, make plans to visit her (if possible, considering any restrictions or house rules on her part if she lives with other people). I think this shows initiative and the intention to maintain your relationship or intimacy as a couple. Ask her when her breaks are for school and whether she'd be open to planning day trips or road trips in the spring or summer. Are there things to explore closer to where she lives? 

After June, what are her plans? 

 

Oh no no no not at all its a joke we have between us as far as the "Daddys money" comment it was a thing he started and its been between the three of us for a long while.

I do drive yes and we have decided once the pandemic restrictions calm down where she is (as she just got back on campus) I'll start going up to visit and getting a hotel room since theres nothing out there and I have the ability luckily to do so.

We have started making plans although with the pandemic and living in New York state its very tough... I live in Syracuse NY and she live on campus north of Watertown called Canton... Theres nothing up there and she cant leave the county so were pretty much bound to whatever is in the county. However I will take into account the asking more into her breaks.

[Chris Decker]

On 1/8/2021 at 3:25 AM, MissCanuck said:

How does she feel about remaining in a long-distance relationship?

She suggested it actually... At first she was worried that I would leave her over it so it was hard for her to suggest such a thing but after we talked about it its only 2 and a half hours as far as the drive is concerned and I work in Retail driving to multiple stores throughout my region as part of my job so the driving is no hassle.  

[maritalbliss86]

On 1/7/2021 at 9:09 PM, Cherylyn said:

"Absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder.  To the contrary, too much absence, causes two people to drift apart permanently." 

That's a great quote, Cherylyn!

[maritalbliss86]

4 hours ago, Chris Decker said:

She suggested it actually... At first she was worried that I would leave her over it so it was hard for her to suggest such a thing but after we talked about it its only 2 and a half hours as far as the drive is concerned and I work in Retail driving to multiple stores throughout my region as part of my job so the driving is no hassle.  

My husband and I have seen long-distance relationships work out... but it's a minefield for miscommunication problems, just due to the reality of the distance and inability to be in-person (text, email, phone conversations are not always the same).

As long you both are upfront and honest with each other, it will probably be fine.

If something is not feeling right, or not working out, you have to be able to bring up those worries. 

If there starts to be worry for either of you, it may be a sign it won't work out (or it could be an issue to work through with good communication).

But it WILL be difficult.  You should probably expect that (which I think you already understand).

[maritalbliss86]

Writing letters can be very romantic.

And then she can reply on her own time and re-read hand written notes you write for her romantically.

Facetime is also a possibility... you could set up facetime dates and make sure you talk each night (if possible).

All those suggestions came from my husband LOL  A true romantic at heart.

[Chris Decker]

2 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

Writing letters can be very romantic.

And then she can reply on her own time and re-read hand written notes you write for her romantically.

Facetime is also a possibility... you could set up facetime dates and make sure you talk each night (if possible).

All those suggestions came from my husband LOL  A true romantic at heart.

Okay so I actually do have a series of letters written out and then a link with a playlist I dropped in there as well and its something she adored... In about 2 weeks  I am going to see her and then while im there were going to figure out how to deal with it all.... She is wanting to be a psychiatrist and it really into communication so its something I love about her. I have no issue going up to see her its just the being away is the issue to tackle... Its not even sex thats the issue its the knowing the person is there and just at arms reach at night... the ability to pull that person close to you.... Theres other more subtle physical things that I guess even I take for granted not realizing how it could vanish haha

[Chris Decker]

I will update and let you everyone know what happens when we do meet in person and figure out how things go... I will say I at first was taken back and hesitant posting on here worried about being judged and criticized for it but everyone here has been really helpful and supportive I appreciate every reply and thank all of you for taking time out of your day/night/evening to reply and offer suggestions and tips

[maritalbliss86]

12 hours ago, Chris Decker said:

Its not even sex thats the issue its the knowing the person is there and just at arms reach at night... the ability to pull that person close to you.... Theres other more subtle physical things that I guess even I take for granted not realizing how it could vanish haha

I completely understand about that... my husband really enjoys, at a very deep level, the ability to sleep next to me, pull me closer, hold me there etc.

Long distance would be insanely hard to do.  I get it.

[Chris Decker]

6 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

I completely understand about that... my husband really enjoys, at a very deep level, the ability to sleep next to me, pull me closer, hold me there etc.

Long distance would be insanely hard to do.  I get it.

We luckily have had a very long conversation about how to handle it last night and into this morning... I am understanding she wont be glued to her phone and what not but at the same time we have discussed handling the whole FaceTime virtual stuff for the next two weeks so the whole restrictions decrease at her university and then I will go up to her and visit her as she cant come down here (she cant leave the county her university is in since she lives on campus but she can have family visit they dont know who or what the visit is in relation to but as long as she doesn't leave the county they're okay with it.) We discussed at bare minimum she'd like me to come at least once a month which I stated was very doable I think we ended up settling on once at the beginning and then in the middle/end of the month like the first and third week something like that. She suggested it and I after discussing think its a nice idea to keep the physical and emotional attraction there.

[Chris Decker]

Okay after a long time now I come bearing information and unfortunate news that we are no longer dating... I went and spent that weekend with her and it was amazing we had so much fun and there after I visted 3 more weekends after as she kept asking me to come up and I didnt mind... But then this last time I visited she was telling me her friends (who are mean people) had given her pepper spray for the weekend which annoyed me a bit as she doesnt really leave my side and I have never hit her nor do we really get into fights so it was weird but I ignored it... so flash forwarding to last night we were talking about our friends and she made a comment about a friend I used to have who said to be careful she might cheat which I stuck up for her and defended us/her to the bitter end with this friend. So then I did a dumb thing I think and ended up bringing up that weekend with the pepper spray and she jumped to the defense saying that she did it to appease them and there was reason to defend me or us which I got a bit upset by and mentioned that it wasnt the pepper spray so much that bothered me but the fact she just took it and didnt even say that I wouldnt do that or tell them theres no need to worry I guess. So we argued some more over it and then eventually she said she was going to bed so I let her go to bed thinking maybe we could cool off and just work through it the next morning. So later in the night I texted her apologizing and telling her how much she meant to me and how I wanted to just talk it over and not argue so we could work through the issue as we both highly value communication... She ended up texting me around 3 PM and told me she couldnt do it and that she wanted to end the relationship which I didnt put up a fuss I allowed it to end and apologized and just let it go with ease vs making a fuss.