Honeyp Posted January 6, 2021 Share Posted January 6, 2021 My husband continues to lie to me. I am struggling in my marriage. I caught him messaging some girl to go motorbike riding with, he deleted the messages so I couldn't find them, I have made it clear im not comfortable with this, especially when he can't take me on a date or anything. He has missed birthdays, anniversaries so he can do his own thing and I am constantly made feel like his hiding me. Long story and need help Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 6, 2021 Share Posted January 6, 2021 Why do you stay in the marriage? Link to comment
Honeyp Posted January 6, 2021 Author Share Posted January 6, 2021 I do love him, I just don't know what to do anymore, he didn't speak to me for 3 weeks, just started Christmas day again and I have just realised how little he cares how little he respects me and how little I mean to him Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 6, 2021 Share Posted January 6, 2021 5 minutes ago, Honeyp said: I do love him, I just don't know what to do anymore, he didn't speak to me for 3 weeks, just started Christmas day again and I have just realised how little he cares how little he respects me and how little I mean to him You do love him, but do not care about yourself. If you had any ounce of self esteem you would believe you deserved at least minimal decency in return. When you stick around and allow people to treat you poorly, they will lose respect for you. People admire and desire someone who thinks better of themselves. They don't tolerate bad behaviour and think enough of themselves to walk away from someone who they do not trust and that doesn't show them respect. Link to comment
Honeyp Posted January 6, 2021 Author Share Posted January 6, 2021 Yeah I guess that is true, no self-esteem at all, but am starting to realise I dont deserve it and deserve better. I do wish he could see and understand how I felt, how im breaking but nothing Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 6, 2021 Share Posted January 6, 2021 25 minutes ago, Honeyp said: Yeah I guess that is true, no self-esteem at all, but am starting to realise I dont deserve it and deserve better. I do wish he could see and understand how I felt, how im breaking but nothing But it's not up to him to define you. Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted January 6, 2021 Share Posted January 6, 2021 You teach people how to treat you. You've shown him he can treat you like crap and get away with it. You keep coming back for more. Where's your breaking point? You cant make him want or love you if he doesn't. This won't get better. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted January 6, 2021 Share Posted January 6, 2021 It's time for a divorce, honey. Staying with him isn't going to make him change. He will only hide his lies more and you will suffer more. Letting go of a marriage is one of the hardest things to have to go through, but right now you are being emotionally and mentally abused and it's now time to leave him. Get a hold of a lawyer and start from there. Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted January 6, 2021 Share Posted January 6, 2021 2 hours ago, Honeyp said: I do love him, I just don't know what to do anymore, he didn't speak to me for 3 weeks, just started Christmas day again and I have just realised how little he cares how little he respects me and how little I mean to him Sad... how disrespectful & deceitful he is 😞 . Lack of communications, denial & trust issue's to boot. Yeah, to keep this attitude up, I wouldn't take it for much longer. We always deserve better than such mis treatment. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 6, 2021 Share Posted January 6, 2021 4 hours ago, Honeyp said: My husband continues to lie to me. I am struggling in my marriage. I caught him messaging some girl to go motorbike riding with, he deleted the messages so I couldn't find them, I have made it clear im not comfortable with this, especially when he can't take me on a date or anything. He has missed birthdays, anniversaries so he can do his own thing and I am constantly made feel like his hiding me. Long story and need help How long have you been married? Is it an arranged marriage? Do you still live together or have intimacy? Do you have children or marital assets? It would be best to confidentiality speak to a therapist and attorney for guidance and advice. Stop talking to him about your feelings. Stop cooking, cleaning, shopping or any other household stuff. As long as he's shutting you out and dating other women, don't act like a supportive spouse. He's checked out an may be having affairs. Do you hope to save this marriage? Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted January 6, 2021 Share Posted January 6, 2021 4 hours ago, Honeyp said: he didn't speak to me for 3 weeks, just started Christmas day again and I have just realised how little he cares how little he respects me and how little I mean to him It's difficult to understand why you would even want to be with a jerk like that. He shows so much disrespect and all you do is show him that you have no problem with it, and allow it. There is nothing "nice" about this guy at all. But, .... if you want to continue in this farce of a marriage, perhaps it's time for you both to seek marriage counselling to help you work through all of the issues you both have. If that fails, then it's time to show him that YOU have some self-respect and pack your bags and leave and file for divorce. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted January 6, 2021 Share Posted January 6, 2021 I'd figure out the emotional stuff later, after getting good legal advice about my options and the best steps to take for each option. Knowing that you have options to make plan is the best confidence builder. The emotional stuff will look a lot different from that perspective. Head high, and don't buy into his mistreatment as any reflection on you. It speaks of HIM, and you DO deserve better. Link to comment
LaHermes Posted January 6, 2021 Share Posted January 6, 2021 15 hours ago, Honeyp said: I do wish he could see and understand how I felt, how im breaking but nothing Honey. He doesn't care how you feel, probably never did. What is there to love about such an individual? Nothing. Time to build yourself up, regain your sense of self-worth. As CatF said, get good legal advice and move forward. Life is short! Don't waste another moment of it. Link to comment
Rose Mosse Posted January 6, 2021 Share Posted January 6, 2021 Uncoupling from a marriage takes time but the time it takes for you to do it may break you in the process (you will break anyway but you WILL heal). Try and do more thinking and figure out a way out of this maze. I know it might seem insurmountable at first, foreign, terrifying or overwhelming enough to bring on panic attacks but keep revisiting this until you feel ready to start plotting a new beginning. Cheating is unacceptable and so is lying or forms of deception. You already know this so you've won your life back. Vent here if you need to vent or talk about how to go about things. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted January 6, 2021 Share Posted January 6, 2021 You may love him but he obviously does not love or respect you. You see that right? I too would like to know some background on your dating this man, marriage, children... What exactly is keeping you with him? Certainly love is not enough. Lost Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 6, 2021 Share Posted January 6, 2021 He knows he hurts you. He just doesn't care. Think about whether or not you want to continue to give your love to someone who doesn't care if he hurts you. Link to comment
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