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Honeyp


Honeyp

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My husband continues to lie to me. I am struggling in my marriage. I caught him messaging some girl to go motorbike riding with, he deleted the messages so I couldn't find them, I have made it clear im not comfortable with this, especially when he can't take me on a date or anything. He has missed birthdays, anniversaries so he can do his own thing and I am constantly made feel like his hiding me. Long story and need help

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I do love him, I just don't know what to do anymore, he didn't speak to me for 3 weeks, just started Christmas day again and I have just realised how little he cares how little he respects me and how little I mean to him

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5 minutes ago, Honeyp said:

I do love him, I just don't know what to do anymore, he didn't speak to me for 3 weeks, just started Christmas day again and I have just realised how little he cares how little he respects me and how little I mean to him

You do love him, but do not care about yourself.  If you had any ounce of self esteem you would believe you deserved at least minimal decency in return.

When you stick around and allow people to treat you poorly, they will lose respect for you.    People admire and desire someone who thinks better of themselves.  They don't tolerate bad behaviour and think enough of themselves to walk away from someone who they do not trust and that doesn't show them respect.

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It's time for a divorce, honey. Staying with him isn't going to make him change. He will only hide his lies more and you will suffer more.

Letting go of a marriage is one of the hardest things to have to go through, but right now you are being emotionally and mentally abused and it's now time to leave him.

Get a hold of a lawyer and start from there.

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2 hours ago, Honeyp said:

I do love him, I just don't know what to do anymore, he didn't speak to me for 3 weeks, just started Christmas day again and I have just realised how little he cares how little he respects me and how little I mean to him

Sad... how disrespectful & deceitful he is 😞 .

Lack of communications, denial & trust issue's to boot.

Yeah, to keep this attitude up, I wouldn't take it for much longer.  We always deserve better than such mis treatment.

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4 hours ago, Honeyp said:

My husband continues to lie to me. I am struggling in my marriage. I caught him messaging some girl to go motorbike riding with, he deleted the messages so I couldn't find them, I have made it clear im not comfortable with this, especially when he can't take me on a date or anything. He has missed birthdays, anniversaries so he can do his own thing and I am constantly made feel like his hiding me. Long story and need help

How long have you been married?

Is it an arranged marriage? Do you still live together or have intimacy?

Do you have children or marital assets?

It would be best to confidentiality speak to a therapist and attorney for guidance and advice.

Stop talking to him about your feelings. Stop cooking, cleaning, shopping or any other household stuff.

As long as he's shutting you out and dating other women, don't act like a supportive spouse.

He's checked out an may be having affairs.

Do you hope to save this marriage?   

 

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4 hours ago, Honeyp said:

 he didn't speak to me for 3 weeks, just started Christmas day again and I have just realised how little he cares how little he respects me and how little I mean to him

It's difficult to understand why you would even want to be with a jerk like that.   He shows so much disrespect and all you do is show him that you have no problem with it, and allow it.   There is nothing "nice" about this guy at all.  But, .... if you want to continue in this farce of a marriage, perhaps it's time for you both to seek marriage counselling to help you work through all of the issues you both have.  If that fails, then it's time to show him that YOU  have some self-respect and pack your bags and leave and file for divorce.

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I'd figure out the emotional stuff later, after getting good legal advice about my options and the best steps to take for each option.

Knowing that you have options to make plan is the best confidence builder. The emotional stuff will look a lot different from that perspective.

Head high, and don't buy into his mistreatment as any reflection on you. It speaks of HIM, and you DO deserve better.

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15 hours ago, Honeyp said:

I do wish he could see and understand how I felt, how im breaking but nothing

Honey. He doesn't care how you feel, probably never did. What is there to love about such an individual?  Nothing.

Time to build yourself up, regain your sense of self-worth.

As CatF said, get good legal advice and move forward. Life is short! Don't waste another moment of it. 

 

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Uncoupling from a marriage takes time but the time it takes for you to do it may break you in the process (you will break anyway but you WILL heal). Try and do more thinking and figure out a way out of this maze. I know it might seem insurmountable at first, foreign, terrifying or overwhelming enough to bring on panic attacks but keep revisiting this until you feel ready to start plotting a new beginning. 

Cheating is unacceptable and so is lying or forms of deception. You already know this so you've won your life back. Vent here if you need to vent or talk about how to go about things. 

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