Jump to content

Is dating always about games?


Recommended Posts

31 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How old is she? Her parents are in their 80s? So she is in her 50s or 60s?

Unfortunately it seems like you are stalling, not her.

At some level you know face-to-face is out of the question for a while, and you seem to be the one resisting anything revealing more identity such as live video chat or live phone calls.

Perhaps you want to keep this as cyberpals and don't want to ruin that with any reality?

Lol you realize that people can have kids at an older age right? She's 28. Not that this detail was necessary but her dad isn't in good health as she says so she is very careful with the risk. Going only to groceries stores.

No I've asked her to do a phone call and she just brushes it off and says things like "I don't know what we'd talk about I'm so boring" yet we talk for literally hours on voice notes back an forth.

The way she phrased bout being friends and what not and having the whole instagram thing happen where she backed off I guess has me being extremely cautious with her. I'm confused as hell so I guess that's why I'm taking it to the internet to seek for answers

Link to post
Share on other sites
48 minutes ago, lionheart153 said:

Lol you realize that people can have kids at an older age right? She's 28. Not that this detail was necessary but her dad isn't in good health as she says so she is very careful with the risk. Going only to groceries stores.

No I've asked her to do a phone call and she just brushes it off and says things like "I don't know what we'd talk about I'm so boring" yet we talk for literally hours on voice notes back an forth.

The way she phrased bout being friends and what not and having the whole instagram thing happen where she backed off I guess has me being extremely cautious with her. I'm confused as hell so I guess that's why I'm taking it to the internet to seek for answers

See, I think that’s fishy.  The brushing off of phone calls/video chats.  We can give her the benefit of the doubt and say she’s got anxiety surrounding the phone(which I found out when I was dating...it’s a thing...but, this was before COVID and they were perfectly willing to meet, so that was okay).  But it’s pandemic time so if you wanna try your hand at dating you have to do these things.  
 

I personally would not invest any more time unless she is willing to step up and do a call(preferably video chat).  I can understand the hesitation to meet when it’s winter, your only options are outside and you’ve got tight restrictions.  Although you could meet in a large parking lot in your respective  cars.  Jeez, dating during a pandemic seems super sucky.  

Edited by Cheetarah
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Cheetarah said:

See, I think that’s fishy.  The brushing off of phone calls/video chats.  We can give her the benefit of the doubt and say she’s got anxiety surrounding the phone(which I found out when I was dating...it’s a thing...but, this was before COVID and they were perfectly willing to meet, so that was okay).  But it’s pandemic time so if you wanna try your hand at dating you have to do these things.  
 

I personally would not invest any more time unless she is willing to step up and do a call(preferably video chat).  I can understand the hesitation to meet when it’s winter, your only options are outside and you’ve got tight restrictions.  Although you could meet in a large parking lot in your respective  cars.  Jeez, dating during a pandemic seems super sucky.  

Dating during the pandemic is ***. 

I guess because it wasn't a dating app that we met on.. there is no expectations of dating being on or off the table

As mentioned before she pulled away when she thought I was a player but apologized after. It's not to say our conversation have died. I just noticed it's not as engaging or long. Could be that the texting is just dried up or I'm just bad at trying to think of more conversation topics....

I unno I'm so confused

Link to post
Share on other sites

Canadian here as well (though I live abroad now), and so I can understand the extreme weather and Covid restrictions prevent you from doing some of the things folks in this thread are suggesting, such as a walk in the park. It's simply not possible or feasible in some areas of the country right now. 

But OP - Remember that there is no way you know her "true self" at this point. 

You only know whatever she's choosing to show you, which is a fraction of her character. It's inherently limited since you two have evidently never spoken to each other live, let alone met in person. I would try to arrange for a phone call at least. If she shies away from that, I would not waste any more time with extensive texting or voice notes. That's just not a substitute for genuine interaction, and if she's that nervous just to say hi in real time, going on dates is going to be that much more of a challenge. People who only open up when they're behind a screen are not good candidates for dating. 

Edited by MissCanuck
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Tip: always keep your dance card full....meaning have other options, talk to other women, and if possible go out with other women.

Never invest in someone that just gives you promises.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

I am somewhat suspicious that she doesn't want to talk on the phone.  Next chat don't ask, just tell her you would like to have a real conversation and that you are going to give her a call and then do it.  If she is that adverse to talking on the phone then how on earth is there a chance at anything more?

If someone is not emotionally healthy enough to date then they shouldn't be dating or leading others to believe they want to date them.

I think it is time to move this along to see if she really is who she says she is and if she is capable of person to person interaction. 

Lost

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

So many issues from the get-go. I want to stay positive for you but I don't know what's keeping you around this woman except the chase. I think those are red flags about her insecurities and she's already warning you about potential arguments and desire to skirt around difficult topics. Imo, this woman isn't ready to date at all. She should be meeting people and recovering from her past experiences with new experiences - really, staying single for a long while until she feels more confident about herself. 

I feel like you're looking to fill a void for her that no other man had a chance yet to fill akin to white knight syndrome. You seem aware and wary of this but also strangely attracted to her brokenness. Why? 

Unless you both can get to know one another on a much more down to earth and less instant messaging (2D) type of interaction, this is only a fantasy world of what if and could haves. If she continues to avoid you and talks about her exes all the time, this has got to get old.  

 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, lionheart153 said:

Lol you realize that people can have kids at an older age right? She's 28. Not that this detail was necessary but her dad isn't in good health as she says so she is very careful with the risk. Going only to groceries stores.

No I've asked her to do a phone call and she just brushes it off and says things like "I don't know what we'd talk about I'm so boring" yet we talk for literally hours on voice notes back an forth.

The way she phrased bout being friends and what not and having the whole instagram thing happen where she backed off I guess has me being extremely cautious with her. I'm confused as hell so I guess that's why I'm taking it to the internet to seek for answers

Don't you think that she sounds strange.  How can you have any type of relationship by voice text.   For all you know, this could be a guy.  If not, she does not sound emotionally stable.  

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

So many issues from the get-go. I want to stay positive for you but I don't know what's keeping you around this woman except the chase. I think those are red flags about her insecurities and she's already warning you about potential arguments and desire to skirt around difficult topics. Imo, this woman isn't ready to date at all. She should be meeting people and recovering from her past experiences with new experiences - really, staying single for a long while until she feels more confident about herself. 

I feel like you're looking to fill a void for her that no other man had a chance yet to fill akin to white knight syndrome. You seem aware and wary of this but also strangely attracted to her brokenness. Why? 

Unless you both can get to know one another on a much more down to earth and less instant messaging (2D) type of interaction, this is only a fantasy world of what if and could haves. If she continues to avoid you and talks about her exes all the time, this has got to get old.  

 

That is a good question. I don't know why and until you pointed it out it does seem like I am attracted to her brokeness? Sorry it is so tough to portray the conversation we had onto a single post. I feel like maybe I have scaled the situation a bit

4 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

I am somewhat suspicious that she doesn't want to talk on the phone.  Next chat don't ask, just tell her you would like to have a real conversation and that you are going to give her a call and then do it.  If she is that adverse to talking on the phone then how on earth is there a chance at anything more?

If someone is not emotionally healthy enough to date then they shouldn't be dating or leading others to believe they want to date them.

I think it is time to move this along to see if she really is who she says she is and if she is capable of person to person interaction. 

Lost

She seems very shy and selective as a person. It def feels like she was hurt in the past which she went into some details about but told me she would really like to talk more bout it in person. According to her she only has 2 best friends, and her IG itself has 5 followers, including me now. Not going to lie or wanting to sound like a pyscho but I did think for a bit that she may be fake. But her friends check out. So unless a fraud has highjacked her account then ya not sure... Even talking to her dad thats just crazy if it was all fake I guess

4 hours ago, smackie9 said:

Tip: always keep your dance card full....meaning have other options, talk to other women, and if possible go out with other women.

Never invest in someone that just gives you promises.

yea I am, but I guess no one else has really captured my attention. 

6 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Canadian here as well (though I live abroad now), and so I can understand the extreme weather and Covid restrictions prevent you from doing some of the things folks in this thread are suggesting, such as a walk in the park. It's simply not possible or feasible in some areas of the country right now. 

But OP - Remember that there is no way you know her "true self" at this point. 

You only know whatever she's choosing to show you, which is a fraction of her character. It's inherently limited since you two have evidently never spoken to each other live, let alone met in person. I would try to arrange for a phone call at least. If she shies away from that, I would not waste any more time with extensive texting or voice notes. That's just not a substitute for genuine interaction, and if she's that nervous just to say hi in real time, going on dates is going to be that much more of a challenge. People who only open up when they're behind a screen are not good candidates for dating. 

That's a good point, If we have another conversation in the coming days I will ask to arrange a phone call. She messaged me yesterday but I chose to not respond as this post has kind of made me cautious.

41 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Are Adrian and Lionheart the same person? I'm confused!

yes, I apologize to the mods as well my chrome keeps accidently signing into my other email accounts and accidently made another account without realizing it. it should be fixed though now.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Just take it one step at a time. If you like each other, call her if you have her number. In the call arrange a video chat if the call goes well. I wouldn't invest any other energy into this until you have a better idea of who she is as a person. 

I'm not too keen about her ongoing issues and negativity or shyness but her openness with you (for what it's worth) is a plus. See how it goes. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, smackie9 said:

No one has captured your attention because you are too focused on her.

I agree with Smacking. You've imposed your own perspective, seen things through a lens of your own bias, if you will. 

Move on. You didn't meet on a dating app. imagine what you'll find if you look for women also looking to date! 

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)

So I actually asked her if she would down to do a phone call and she said yes. She just thinks that she is awkward and hopes I don't think she is slow or something if it takes her a while to respond or that she doesn't end up talking as much and just listens.

that's a somewhat of a positive sign?

We are planning to do it this weekend.

Edited by lionheart153
Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, it's positive. Although is there a reason why you both have to wait until the weekend (days away..) to have a phone call? Why not earlier?

Even though it is outside her comfort zone she's willing to speak on the phone. It's normal to feel nervous in the beginning. Not everyone is comfortable speaking with new people and not everyone is a big talker.

Hopefully she relaxes during the phone call. Let her listen if she prefers to listen. This is a dynamic you'll have to choose whether it's right for you. Most people need some 50/50 type of interaction and this may either be 1) she's just nervous at the start and will come out of her shell or 2) she and you just don't have enough chemistry to keep it going. 

See how it goes. 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, lionheart153 said:

. She just thinks that she is awkward and hopes I don't think she is slow or something if it takes her a while to respond 

That's a wierd statement. How does someone "take a while to respond" when talking live on the phone?

This had to be planned in advance? That's weird also....if you're texting all day .

Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, lionheart153 said:

So I actually asked her if she would down to do a phone call and she said yes. She just thinks that she is awkward and hopes I don't think she is slow or something if it takes her a while to respond or that she doesn't end up talking as much and just listens.

This is a little odd. I also find it a bit strange that the phone call needs to be planned for the weekend. Are you both so busy that you couldn't find 10 minutes to chat today? 

She could be overly self-conscious, or there might be something deeper going on with this girl that she's anxious to reveal to you. Talk to her and see how it goes, but again, use your common sense. If she's difficult to communicate with, dating is going to be...a challenge. A big one. 

Don't be too surprised if she tries to dodge this phone call, when push comes to shove. 

Edited by MissCanuck
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
19 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

This is a little odd. I also find it a bit strange that the phone call needs to be planned for the weekend. Are you both so busy that you couldn't find 10 minutes to chat today? 

She could be overly self-conscious, or there might be something deeper going on with this girl that she's anxious to reveal to you. Talk to her and see how it goes, but again, use your common sense. If she's difficult to communicate with, dating is going to be...a challenge. A big one. 

Don't be too surprised if she tries to dodge this phone call, when push comes to shove. 

to be fair I suggested the the weekend because I am usually working and busy with other things. it's kinda like a date in my head. Plus the day I asked her she had said she was having a rough day as she had a headache so I didn't want to make her think I wanted to talk on the phone right away. We haven't met in person so planning it out is normal to me. 

19 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's a wierd statement. How does someone "take a while to respond" when talking live on the phone?

This had to be planned in advance? That's weird also....if you're texting all day .

She just meant she is shy and a bit awkward. She said she likes to respond with thought so she's just embarrassed that she might seem not as quick on her feet in a conversation. vs when we text and leave voice notes there is not awkward silence if one of us is thinking about how to respond with an answer. I get that some peopel arent as quick on there feet. I used to be very shy like that and be self-conscious so that's understandable. Im going to just see how it goes I can tell she is super nervous about it as it is. At this point im not worried about her being a fake or catfish because I've checked her friends on instagram shes had pictures witha nd the comments tehy post on her IG and I know other people that know her friends. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Eh, she could be really shy on the phone.  She could have social anxiety on it that might make her stutter, stammer etc.  I wouldn’t worry about it unless you start hearing someone feeding lines in the background.  😜

Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, lionheart153 said:

to be fair I suggested the the weekend because I am usually working and busy with other things. it's kinda like a date in my head. Plus the day I asked her she had said she was having a rough day as she had a headache so I didn't want to make her think I wanted to talk on the phone right away. We haven't met in person so planning it out is normal to me. 

I can understand needing to find  a mutually convenient time, but I think the build-up to it might actually work against you here. If she is this shy and nervous about talking on the phone, she's going to likely experience even more anxiety as this call approaches and she starts putting pressure on herself to meet your expectations (whatever she perceives those to be)

Anyway, see how it goes. If it's difficult to maintain a conversation or she bails at the last minute, let that be your cue that this isn't sustainable. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think everything sounds fine and normal. Perhaps you guys were just texting a lot so she just got a bit bored and felt she didn't have to respond back immediately, or she was a bit busy with things, but that's actually pretty normal! If someone is texting me too much I'll get bored and vice-versa. 

Here's what I would do, I would skip a phone call, and do a video chat. Get dressed up a bit and maybe even you both prepare a dinner or glass of wine and talk just like you would on a real date and just keep it simple having a nice time and you'll know if there is any chemistry. 

I really think you have a good chance here!

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
19 hours ago, mical said:

I think everything sounds fine and normal. Perhaps you guys were just texting a lot so she just got a bit bored and felt she didn't have to respond back immediately, or she was a bit busy with things, but that's actually pretty normal! If someone is texting me too much I'll get bored and vice-versa. 

Here's what I would do, I would skip a phone call, and do a video chat. Get dressed up a bit and maybe even you both prepare a dinner or glass of wine and talk just like you would on a real date and just keep it simple having a nice time and you'll know if there is any chemistry. 

I really think you have a good chance here!

 

So we had our call! it went great! She was def more talkative. Gonna call again tomorrow!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...