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Regretting


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My relationships were always lacking. My first love told me to go die, my second which was a long term one didn't excite me that much, I loved them but I couldn't feel like being in love with them.
Then I met this girl, that ended up letting go. We started as friends I instantly knew that something about her was unique.
She was younger than me. (her 19 me 26)  She had a face with beautiful features, a stunning body and a impressive way of thinking, she wasn't neither superficial nor too try hard, nor arrogant . Furthermore that girl was a great artist. Inspiring me to start painting, opening up, sharing my deepest thoughts The chemistry between us was nice, we built an amazing friendship, then we started dating. At that time I suffered with depression and anxiety due to the fact I had so many pursuits in mind along with a pressuring master. I remember her trying everything to help me, always supporting me, having time for me. She had some past traumas as well but she will always focus on me. That girl was a giver, she enjoyed it showing me affection.
At that time I was confused about my feelings. It felt like I was loosing the balance between my responsibilities and my desires . Other than that I was missing my Ex, the trips with them , the routine. Some days before breaking up with her, I wanted to have a talk  about my feelings. I wasn't intending to tell her about it but my dumpass mouth spitted that I missed that Ex.

After breaking up with her my friend told me that instead of her dumping you first because no one deserves to be told that, she planned trips for you both to go during the summer.

After a week i met another girl on a game I used to play. She was at the same age as me, we talked, she had that maturity that the other girl lacked due to her age. But I never realized that... I thought it was just her personality.
The girl I met through the game, did what the other girl couldn't, heal me. She was intrested in me so we had something.

About the other girl, i told her to stay friends after the break up, nothing between us will change. but eventually I pushed her away. Being super excited from my new relationship. She from the other hand didn't block me, like i did on Facebook. We still interacted via Instagram with me liking her art pieces

But I was so cold when it was about chatting incase that indicated that I'd like to try again with her. I'd only text her during holidays. But despite my terse and cold attitude. She always replied with the same way we used to when we were friends, excitingly with a bunch of emojis.

She learned from a friend that my brother was going through an operation and immediately texted me just to comfort me that everything is going to be okay.

The thing that surprised me the most was that after the Break up she refrained from every romantic interaction for a lot of while... I was indeed meant something to her. Can't believe I chose her over an internet person, just because I needed someone to "fix" me.

By trying to find the better person, I lost the best.

My stupid self never realized how much she loved me until now... Two years later, thinking that I'd never find someone like her. I see her on social, growing into a beautiful young woman. Letting someone else give her what I couldn't.

Edited by Tinatin
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It just means you're free now to do your own growing and reflecting. Don't live in regret forever... it's a painful place. When you're ready, come back out. The age gap between 19 and 26 is large enough for there to have been issues anyway. I'd put this aside and take it as a learning experience. Don't put her on a pedestal. You seem to idealize women. First, your ex. Second, the 19 year old. The grass seems greener on the other side? 

Let go. Focus on what you do have. An internet gaming relationship probably isn't the most fulfilling. Date locally and find someone else you have more in common with. If you're unhappy with your current life, look forwards. 

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Regrets are there to teach us a lesson about a mistake, hopefully one we can undo but if not one we will never make again.

No one can fix another, they can support and encourage though.

Have you dared contact her and tell her what you told us?

Lost

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1 hour ago, Rose Mosse said:

It just means you're free now to do your own growing and reflecting. Don't live in regret forever... it's a painful place. When you're ready, come back out. The age gap between 19 and 26 is large enough for there to have been issues anyway. I'd put this aside and take it as a learning experience. Don't put her on a pedestal. You seem to idealize women. First, your ex. Second, the 19 year old.

I agree with this.  The age gap was a little much.. Plus, you admitted you were still not over the ex?

2 hours ago, Ericos said:

The thing that surprised me the most was that after the Break up she refrained from every romantic interaction for a lot of while... I was indeed meant something to her.

- And how do you know this?  Did you two discuss WHY she was not involved again.. yet?

You do know that we do NOT always need to be involved.  How about you try that?

Slow things down... because I feel, if you keep this up- in another 6 mos, you'll again be saying how 'you miss your ex'.   Ya think?

 

2 hours ago, Ericos said:

 

2 hours ago, Ericos said:

my second which was a long term one didn't excite me that much, I loved them but I couldn't feel like being in love with them.

Ok, then you left that... fine.

By trying to find the better person, I lost the best.

- The best of what?  Of the 3?  Nah, you're just exploring.  Regret nothing,  move on.

 

 

2 hours ago, Ericos said:

built an amazing friendship, then we started dating. At that time I suffered with depression and anxiety due to the fact I had so many pursuits in mind along with a pressuring master. I remember her trying everything to help me, always supporting me, having time for me

Okay.. so you were having some real issue's...negative?  Moods?  Dependent?

 

2 hours ago, Ericos said:

After a week i met another girl on a game I used to play. She was at the same age as me, we talked, she had that maturity that the other girl lacked due to her age. But I never realized that... I thought it was just her personality.
The girl I met through the game, did what the other girl couldn't, heal me

Can't believe I chose her over an internet person, just because I needed someone to "fix" me.

What the other girl couldn't do... heal you?  I don't get this.  :/

You are to work to heal yourself.  Not depend on others for that.  I dealt with depression- when I did, I pushed ,my partners away :/.  I had to deal with ME.  My issue's.. & get some professional help.

 

 

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2 hours ago, Ericos said:

She learned from a friend that my brother was going through an operation and immediately texted me just to comfort me that everything is going to be okay.

This stood out for me in a positive way.

 

2 hours ago, Ericos said:

By trying to find the better person, I lost the best.

Is she still single? If yes, would you like to be with her? If yes to both, then why not give it another go. She seems worth fighting for. 🙂

Edited by greendots
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3 hours ago, Ericos said:

 

My stupid self never realized how much she loved me until now... Two years later, thinking that I'd never find someone like her. I see her on social, growing into a beautiful young woman. Letting someone else give her what I couldn't.

You made it apparent to us how much she cared about you.   Of course you realized it then.

What is attractive about it now?   Being wanted is attractive but not enough to make a relationship work. 

Loving someone is about wanting what is best - for them.   Based on what you wrote, you are wanting to be wanted. 

Nothing wrong with that, but do you have the same love to give her in return.? 

It's certainly suspect when someone realizes they love someone in their absence but was willing to lose them to begin with.  It's usually about something else entirely. If that's true, what could that be?

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Unfortunately you seem to reel women in, then push them away always thinking the grass is greener or the reminiscing about the one who got away.

At some level you know this has nothing to do with finding the"right" women, because you'll sabotage things and push them away.

It seems like you are not ready to settle down. You seem to want to play the field and have adventures.

When you have learned something new or the novelty wears off, you seem to set your sights elsewhere, either in the past or the future.

When your soul is this empty, you'll never be fulfilled.

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