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Did I screw up entirely?


Gaffle919

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I met this girl on hinge last weekend.  We talked on the phone a few times this week, and both expressed that we were looking forward to meeting each other.  

 
We had a first date planned for tonight, but she texted me yesterday to ask if we could reschedule it to Sunday.  Instead of accepting that as soon as she asked, I blew it up a bit and made it a bigger deal.  I know she's upset because she hasn't responded to my text or call from yesterday.  In my last text I told her that I moved some things around and my schedule can accomodate a date with her on Sunday.  She hasn't deleted me off of hinge, but has obviously been taking her space.  Should I continue to wait it out and see if she reaches out tonight or at any point tomorrow, or should I call her tomorrow evening, apologize, and see if she is still interested in meeting?  I know what I did wrong and how I messed up.  I still see a lot of potential there, but I don't know what to do.  Thanks in advance for advice.
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I'd wait this out.  You mentioned you called and text and she's not responding.

Dating is a series of tests.  (Not deliberate or intentional) Your first test presented was to see if you were flexible and accommodating.  She gave you plenty notice.  You acknowledge you didn't handle it well and already tried to recover.  The balls in her court.

If you don't hear from her and she hasn't blocked you, I'd wait a couple days and apologize.  To go from being edgy about the date change to pushing for a reconciliation comes off as too intense.  Step back, let this cool off.  Anymore seems a little bit of desperation.  First impression are hard to step back from.  You haven't met and already caught up in a conflict.

You shouldn't have that much invested in someone you've never met.  Learn to roll with it and be a little more flexible.

Remember, these people owe you nothing.

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I moved things around so that I could meet you tomorrow. I already have obligations on Sunday.

I genuinely understand that. But even if the alternative was just to hang out and have some laughs over food, I would've felt that you still respected my time

That's fair, I'm speaking more so on the fact that I told you I moved things around to see you. I would prefer not to discuss the matter over text though, as words can oftentimes be misconstrued without hearing a tone. You're welcome to call me this evening and we can come to an agreement

 

----

 

Without giving her responses, these were the texts that I sent

 

 

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I think on online dating it's best to act casual and chill. I think acting too full-on can scare people away. I know it's annoying she wanted to reschedule but you can still give her the benefit of the doubt that it was for a good reason. If she did it more than once then yeah you can get annoyed. But I still think it's important to keep your cool and not act angry because that would just make the other person sure that they made the right decision not to meet you. If someone is being flakey, maybe just say: "OK well just let me know when you want to meet." And don't contact them anymore. That makes you look dignified and more appealing than if you lose your marbles. 

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3 minutes ago, Hollyj said:

" I would've felt that you still respected my time"    This was not necessary, especially with someone you never met. You should have set another date, and if she cancelled, you write her off as a flake.   

 

Chill. 

 Yeah, she has a life, same as you. If she had cancelled and not offered an alternative day for the date then that would be another issue. Then i wouldve put the ball in her court and not contact her until she suggested a new date. She offered Sunday, if that didnt work for you, then you both couldve chose a slightly later date that wouldve worked. 

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6 hours ago, Gaffle919 said:

 I blew it up a bit and made it a bigger deal.  I know she's upset because she hasn't responded to my text or call from yesterday.  

What exactly do you mean by "blew it up bit"? She politely made a counteroffer,no?

Don't get into power plays like this.

Certainly you need to be flexible when dating in general and in these times in particular.

Also you haven't met so are both talking to and meeting others.

Make sure you are ready willing and able to date. This means you're not upset about the past or too burned out.

In this case, see if she contacts you. Next time be flexible.

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7 hours ago, reinventmyself said:

To go from being edgy about the date change to pushing for a reconciliation comes off as too intense.  Step back, let this cool off.  Anymore seems a little bit of desperation.  First impression are hard to step back from.  You haven't met and already caught up in a conflict.

I agree!  If you reacted this way and haven't even gotten going- shows her how things can be- whether you are always like this or not, this is what you have shown her.  Yah, not a good impression.

I say leave her be.  If she does not respond to meet you, move on.

Might I say, next time, take it easy BEFORE you respond?

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Make sure you are ready willing and able to date. This means you're not upset about the past or too burned out.

Yes.  This as well.  Good point.

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The problem with making someone feel bad about asking to reschedule is that it defeats the purpose of meeting up to feel GOOD about one another.

Even if, after your scolding, she were to backpedal and agree to meet you at the original time, there's no putting the toothpaste back in the tube--you made her feel lousy about you, and so that feeling colors her whole experience of getting to know you.

It's best to allow strangers to show you who they are without attempts to 'correct' them. If they disappoint once, give them the opportunity to recover and observe whether they appreciate this and make it up to you, or not. If you squelch that opportunity, you'll never know.

I would not contact her again. If she ends up reaching out, then she really likes you. If not, then leave her alone--it's not recoverable.

Fingers crossed for you, and I hope you'll let us know the outcome.

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13 hours ago, Gaffle919 said:

I moved things around so that I could meet you tomorrow. I already have obligations on Sunday.

I genuinely understand that. But even if the alternative was just to hang out and have some laughs over food, I would've felt that you still respected my time

That's fair, I'm speaking more so on the fact that I told you I moved things around to see you. I would prefer not to discuss the matter over text though, as words can oftentimes be misconstrued without hearing a tone. You're welcome to call me this evening and we can come to an agreement

No, this is way too much for a first date. 

I'm sorry, but I probably wouldn't be interested in communicating any further either, if I were here. 

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What's up good people, thank you for all of the responses.  I learned a lot from this experience.  I was way too antsy.  I called her about 20 minutes ago, and she hit me back instantly.  She said she was never upset, but appreciated the space I gave her yesterday.  Told me we were good, and we're on for tomorrow now.  Won't squander the opportunity away this time, but I will be more careful with my words going forward.  

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1 hour ago, Gaffle919 said:

What's up good people, thank you for all of the responses.  I learned a lot from this experience.  I was way too antsy.  I called her about 20 minutes ago, and she hit me back instantly.  She said she was never upset, but appreciated the space I gave her yesterday.  Told me we were good, and we're on for tomorrow now.  Won't squander the opportunity away this time, but I will be more careful with my words going forward.  

Wonderful news, Gaffle, and thank you for updating us. Fingers crossed for you!

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