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Boyfriend doesn’t want to go out with me on NYE


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My boyfriend and I have been together for about 6 months. In the time that we’ve been together we spend at least 3 days a week together and he’s been really sweet and I’ve grown extremely attached. We go out on dates or out with his friends at least once a week and he’s close with my family.

One of the first issues I had regarding this topic is on his birthday. He told he that he doesn’t care about his birthday at all and that he’s going to work on that day like usual (he has his own business so he dictates when he goes in). That evening when he was finished work I called to ask if he wanted to do anything and he said no he’s just going to go to sleep as he’s tired. The next day however, he tells me that his friend called him out of the blue at the last minute and forced him out the house to go to the club. 

The next holiday we came to was Christmas, again he says he doesn’t care about Christmas, that he plans to work, and doesn’t plan to celebrate or buy any gifts. I tried again to be understanding and once again called in the evening, and he informs me that he’s currently passing by his friend’s Christmas dinner as they spontaneously called him after work and asked him to come. He noted that if I wanted he would come and spend time with me after, however at this point i felt like an afterthought 

Now today, it’s new year’s eve and I asked him what we are doing tonight. He states that he doesn’t care about NYE and that he has a lot to do at work tomorrow so doesn’t want to go anywhere. I told him I don’t have anyone else to hang out with as all my friends are coupled up but he insists he doesn’t want to go anywhere.

Am I being petty for feeling really upset about this or does this seem like a much larger problem at hand?

Edited by Yasmine
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It's very typical that couples are on the best behaviour during the first months of a new relationship honeymoon period.   Between 3 to 6 months that exercise begins to wear off and you get to see what you really have standing in front of you.

Seeing he's pulled a bait and switch on you a few times, it's safe to say he sees himself as a single man with a relationship on the side.

You aren't being petty.  He not only disregards your needs, he makes unilateral decisions in a dishonest way to purposely exclude you from important events.  Unless you are ok with being nothing more than a convenience on his terms, I would end this relationship.  This isn't a one time mistake, this is a pattern.   He has a lot of growing up to do

It's possible he really doesn't want to go out for NYE.  We are having a pandemic afterall.  Do you have plans to spend it together at home or are you concerned he'll pull another Houdini move and accidently fall into a party and inform you after the fact?

Edited by reinventmyself
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I would brace yourself to learn that he's again gone out without you for NYE. 

Sorry OP, but he doesn't seem as serious about this relationship as you hoped. It's convenient that he doesn't observe these holidays and yet somehow celebrates anyway - without you.  I think that's by design, girl. 

I'm sorry. 

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I agree with the previous comment. I think he's looking for convenient plans that are already laid out (to be invited) but isn't putting in the effort in the type of relationship you're looking for because you're both not on the same wavelength. Dial it back a bit and find new friends or people to spend time with as this isn't as serious as you thought it was or both of you want different things. 

If you're too attached or dependent on him for family-type holidays or vacations to spend regular time together, this isn't it. Seems more casual. 

Someone who wants to be with you will cross oceans and then some. Don't settle. 

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2 hours ago, Yasmine said:

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 6 months.

he tells me that his friend called him out of the blue at the last minute and forced him out the house to go to the club. 

Sorry this is happening. Unfortunately he's lying about 'working and sleeping' so he can hang out with friends and/or other women. 

24 week dating is a good time to step back and observe this trend. 

Edited by Wiseman2
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Come on girl this is done all on purpose...it's very planned and calculating. The writing is on the wall that he doesn't want much to do with you.

Find out where he is, and when the ball drops, go up to him and end it.

Edited by smackie9
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Agree with the sentiments expressed above. 

If you'd like a guy who will consider you on important occasions—or consider your feelings about important occasions to be as valid as his own—then he is doing a very good job of showing you that he's not that guy, not with you. 

Generous view here is that he's just a kind of an inconsiderate dunce. Less generous view is that he's trying—and succeeding—in giving you the impression that he's in a serious relationship while also maintaining some version of a single life. In your shoes, however, I wouldn't really be keen on exploring either of those possibilities. 

Curious: Aside from these instances, have you ever found yourself doubting his commitment to you these past 6 months, or feeling like your emotional investment is the primary driver of the relationship? 

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2 hours ago, Yasmine said:

Now today, it’s new year’s eve and I asked him what we are doing tonight. He states that he doesn’t care about NYE and that he has a lot to do at work tomorrow so doesn’t want to go anywhere.

Right...unless he gets another spontaneous call from a friend.  Rather than stoop to his level by listening to his lines of BS, I'd walk away without a word.  He's not worth your time.

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4 hours ago, Yasmine said:

I told him I don’t have anyone else to hang out with

How often do you connect with your friends? It seems to me that your social life hinges heaps on spending time with a dude who doesn't even treat you respectfully. Which honorable man treats his girlfriend like an afterthought?

I agree with others. You deserve better!

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Even if you give him the best benefit of the doubt, let’s say that you are a person who likes to spend special occasions with their partner and he actively isn’t. As in 3 out of 3 times you have invited him and he’s declined you and then accepted the invitation of another. Like it reeeeeally isn’t meaningful to him to see you on special days. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn’t share this value? It is totally ok to prefer a partner who is on the same wave length as you about this, that is a reasonable preference to have (I don’t think he will ever be that partner though). 
 

Uninvesting  in him and investing in your friends and your own life sounds like a very solid plan. 

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