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i told him i was horny and his response was "lol"


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My crush flew to my town and I only found out because he texted me on Christmas, and I asked him what he was doing, he told me that "he was packing because he was flying out here tmmr". I was like "why you didnt tell me" His response was "lol, do you work this weekend". And I said " I was on call" and he responded "okay". He had told me a few weeks prior that he was planning on visiting for Xmas with his friend, but they didn't buy his flights. 

I did not hear from him in two days. So I texted him asking, "hey, how was your flight?" he responded it was good and how I was doing, i said good and he responded "oh okay." At this point I was just so confused because we talk/text almost every day and I thought he would want to see me or ask to hang out. So anyways, in a desperate attempt to see him, i embarrasingly took a risk and ended up texting him the following....

Me: sooo you flew all the way out here and we're not going to see each other? I've been so horny since you told me you were flying out here this weekend"

Him: Lol really, damn i'm with my friend and we're out celebrating his bday, I would come over but i feel bad leaving him alone 

I didn't reply and the next day he texted me around 8 pm asking "WYD" I responded that I was home. 2 hours passed by and he never texted me back so I ended up texting him again, 

Me: "did you text me and then throw your phone in a river, I thought you asked wyd cause you wanted to come over".

Him: I'm sorry i didn't have time to come see you,I fly back tomorrow but i promise i'm gonna fly back soon and stay with you for a few days if thats cool with you.  It was just a quick weekend trip for my friends bday and i'm really tired and leave early tomorrow"

i haven't responded because idk what to say. i really want to go off but he at least had the decency to apologize and idk  if i should feel offended that i put myself out there and got turned down or if I should just act like I'm not bothered. We're not in a relationship and I don't want to ruin the chances of eventually being in one with him by acting crazy and going off. He probably would have never even told me that he was coming and I just wish i never offered myself off like that and i am so embarrassed and not sure what to say when he reaches back out. 

 

Edited by hoyos2020
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Did he say if he came down to see his friend that he would also see you? Perhaps he really was busy with his friend. Or maybe he was too nervous to meet you?

How long have you been speaking to him? Has he said that he likes you?

I think if it's been a long time and he's said that he likes you, it is kind of strange that he wouldn't make the effort to see you.

Either way if I were you I would tell him how I feel, tell him that you're upset that you made it obvious you wanted to see him and he turned you down. Maybe he will explain himself or make you feel better somehow.

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  • hoyos2020 changed the title to i told him i was horny and his response was "lol"

i mean the last time he was here 2 months ago, he stood with me and made it known that he wants to be in a relationship and he did try to have sex but I turned him down and i told him that we should take things slow and get to know each other better etc, he stood with me for 1 week and after he left he told me that he was so happy we didn't have sex because he feels it made us closer and our bond stronger. But that was 2 months ago and Since then we speak everyday and that is why i am so confused. 

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5 minutes ago, hoyos2020 said:

 But that was 2 months ago and Since then we speak everyday and that is why i am so confused. 

Yes, exactly. Something has changed for him since then. 

He wouldn't have been so evasive in letting you know he was in town and what he was up to if he were still interested that way. If he genuinely still wanted a relationship, he would have least mentioned he'd be in town and let you know it might not be possible meet up this time but he'd make it very clear he would be back to visit you. 

He's not interested anymore, in any case. My guess is that he's seeing someone local and doesn't have the stones to tell you. 

Edited by MissCanuck
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He is moving here in February and thats all we've spoken of since he left. So thats why I'm just so confused about everything, his actions this weekend definitely did not match his words the past 2 months and something definitely has to have changed because how can you fly 3 hours to the town where the girl you "like" lives and not make any attempt to want to see her. Even like 2 weeks ago, I had posted on instagram  a picture of dinner, (i was out with a female friend) and he responded to it asking who i was with and saying that I better not be on a date, I  told him "why would i be on a date, when you know I only want you" and he thats the same night he called me to tell me that he was planning on coming out here with his friend for xmas but they hadn't bought their tickets yet. So I don't want to say i'm wrong for assuming that we would see each other and i am very hurt. 

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3 minutes ago, hoyos2020 said:

I don't want to say i'm wrong for assuming that we would see each other

Why not? It's just a mistake. The sooner you acknowledge it, the sooner you can put this whole thing behind you and move on.

Edited by Jibralta
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Same guy? 

"Recently got back in contact with and old FWB. We haven’t spoken in a very long time. He says I ghosted him. Upon starting to hang out again, he mentioned that he is shocked at how successful I am and everything I have going on with myself and he really loves how confident I am etc and he regrets us not getting serious sooner. That night we kissed each other on the lips goodnight.

 

A few days later, at about 12am he calls me super drunk and tells me how much he wants to be with me and just all of these beautiful things and how i’m the one, and then his friend gets on the phone and is like “what did you do to him, he is so in love with you, you two need to stop playing games, and that he better be the best man at the wedding”. The next day, he texts me to meet up. So I’m thinking that he wants to meet up to talk about us getting serious and so he starts talking about his night and so I hint at the phone call. And he says “wait, I called you”

 

So I remind him of the call, and tell him everything that he said and he was in complete shock, saying omg I can’t believe I said that. I was like yeah so do you really feel that way and he says yes but then says that i am more of what he can ever ask for in a woman and that he is very attracted to me and so happy when we are together and that my success inspires him so much. But that he is a jerk and i am such a sweet person and he would never want to hurt me and he just has a lot going on that he has to deal with and he is so scared of getting hurt again (his ex cheated) and he’s scared that we get serious and then I just ghost him again. We just left it at that.

 

A few days later, he texts me if I can help him with something so he came over and I had already cooked dinner for myself so he had some and said that it was the best food he ever had and was like “wow that was amazing you are going to make someone so happy one day” and then winked at me. I just responded that I know it was so good i had two plates and laughed."

 

I’m just so confused, because I know by experience that when you’re drunk, the truth comes out. And the times we have been hanging out, nothing sexual, we’ve had such amazing times and we get along really well. He told his friends about me. I just don’t get it. How can you think so highly of someone and profess your love and then say “I’m going to make someone happy one day”.

 

At this point I feel like I like him too much to see him as a friend, so idk if i should tell him how I feel and then cut off contact or if I should just wait and go with the flow.

 
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Just now, hoyos2020 said:

yes Holly, the same guy 😞 

I suggest you reread everybody's responses in that thread.  We all advised that he was a jerk and a waste of time.  Why are you continuing with this? 

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Then you block and delete.  You are not helpless.  He is not interested in a relationship with you, and by the way he has treated you, I would wonder why you would still be interested.  

 

You need to address your self worth, as YOU are allowing a lot of bad behavior.   

 

Be done with him!  He does not respect or value you.

Edited by Hollyj
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15 minutes ago, hoyos2020 said:

That is a great question that i honestly do not have an answer to. I want to let go, but everytime I do, here he comes and always says/does something to reel me back in. 

That's because your boundaries are flimsy and self-esteem not in a good enough place to sayonara him. 

That's not on him. That's on you. Until you demand better for yourself, you will continue to let guys like this jerk you around and feed off their mediocre breadcrumbs of attention. 

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I'm in my mid 20's not 30's. No more Tarot, that was only once back in January, The fact that you would bring that up is low lol. But I get it since i put all of this out there asking for advice. I'm not strong enough to block him yet but hopefully I find the courage one day. 

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10 minutes ago, hoyos2020 said:

I'm in my mid 20's not 30's. No more Tarot, that was only once back in January, The fact that you would bring that up is low lol. But I get it since i put all of this out there asking for advice. I'm not strong enough to block him yet but hopefully I find the courage one day. 

I don't think that it was low, as you had put a lot of stock into it by creating a thread.  

I'm sorry, my mistake, you are 29 and he is 34.   You really need to address why you are hanging onto this.   You deserve much better.   

Edited by Hollyj
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