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I’m confused as to why this woman would keep full-on staring at me and not smile or looks away? We’re both females.


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We work together and she’s in a higher position than me and I have known her for five years and throughout the years she would stare at me every time she sees me (which is like 3/4 times a week) even if I’m talking to someone or focusing on my work and I’d look up or to the side and she’d be there full on staring at me from a distance (even through the window on two occasions) and would maintain eye contact with me until I look away and doesn’t even smile or blink.

I’ve also had other people coming up to me & mentioning her staring at me without my awareness & found it strange. I’ve also caught her giving me side glances through my peripheral vision and she would do this when she’s talking to other people except me.

 

Besides from her stares, I find it frustrating that she would act hot and cold nearly every week that I have to be around her. She acts more cold towards me if I’m being too nice to her such as helping her out or doing other things for her compared to others whom she’s more talkative and outgoing with. It’s just with me, she gets all silent and tried to end the conversation quickly. But every now and then she would make small talks or jokes with me if she’s in a good mood. 

 

However, I also need to mention that there’s 2/3 occasions where she would make direct comments about relationship and sex at me in-front of other people and smirks at me which I’m not sure if she’s joking or being serious since I’ve also caught her staring at my chest and butt before and she makes it well known that’s she staring at it. 

She also doesn’t seems to care about invading my space and would caught me off guard with it like on one occasion, I was sitting down with my friends and she came to stand in front of me somehow she managed to have one of her leg in between my legs. 

I have never experienced this type of behaviour before so I am not sure if she dislikes me or interested? 

Edited by MR_890
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  • MR_890 changed the title to I’m confused as to why this woman would keep full-on staring at me and not smile or looks away? We’re both females.

Very simple solution -call her out on it - simply say neutrally "you're staring at me - may I ask why?" Or you can be lighthearted and ask if you have mascara running down your face, etc.

I stare back at people who stare at me and that also works.  I wouldn't waste time analyzing why -she obviously missed that day in kindergarten when basic manners were taught.

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4 hours ago, MR_890 said:

We work together and she’s in a higher position than me.

 I am not sure if she dislikes me or interested? 

What is it you wish to see happening? Are either of you bi/gay?

Step way back from this and be as professional as possible.

If you wish to find "interested" people, you need to date outside of work.

If you find the behavior interferes with work, discuss your concerns with human resources.

In the meantime, stop staring at her or watching her every move. Focus on work and professionalism.

Also update your LinkedIn profile and begin to research new jobs.

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You never once say how any of that makes you feel, with the exception of frustrated. Blatantly staring at your chest and butt is sexual harassment. But in sexual harassment, sometimes the rules entail speaking to the person first and saying the behavior is unwanted. If it's repeated, you can report it to your supervisor or HR.

The best way to change someone's behavior is to change your own. Say something as Batya suggested. If that doesn't work, report her or get a new job.

And like Wiseman said, if you would welcome a romantic relationship, it's not a good idea for obvious reasons. The other reason is that her behavior is that of a creepy, unhinged person. If you're attracted to that in a person, go find another creepy person outside of the workplace. 

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