This is a really tough time

[lionheart153]

My ex and I broke up about 2 months ago now. I can tell I still love her. Our break up was I guess mutual in some aspects. She and I knew it wasn't the right time.

While I am not ready to get into anything my friends urged me to get on a dating app and at least talk to people. Well that backfired because guess who I see on the dating app.

It's Christmas day and I had a break down. I live alone so I have no one. In all god's honest truth, the thought of killing myself or wanting to die did cross my mind. 

I feel like I am in a dark corner and I am trying everything I can to distract myself. I want to text her Merry Christmas but I ask myself what is the purpose of that. If it was truly just wishing her well with no expectations maybe that makes sense. But a part of me can tell that I am looking and asking for more or expecting something. Not sure what but something.

I feel so pathetic 

[LoreliFinn]

Start talking to other women on the dating app, lots of them.  It's insane to think of suicide over one person.  There are millions of other women in the world. 

You said it yourself, this relationship was not viable.  Pining over a relationship that wasn't meant to be is wasted energy.  You will meet someone new.  For now, talk and meet other women.

 

 

 

[lionheart153]

I don't think I am ready. The timing for us did not work but it didn't mean we weren't good together. 

Maybe that is why I am having trouble letting go.

I haven't had any concrete plans or anything but just wanting to die had crossed my mind. Its been almost 2 months and I feel like I have made zero progress

[catfeeder]

In what way was the timing bad?

[lionheart153]

different parts of lives. She is a bit younger and struggled trying to be an entrepreneur and putting 100% of her time into it vs myself, I have a more established career and I guess would consider successful. Working in the corporate world is a bit different and she felt like she wasn't putting enough time into her career and was getting anxious. Especially with pressure from her family and such. 

She just realized she couldn't do both and we both recognized that she would self sabotage the relationship. She didn't feel happy and I saw the struggle. On top of that Covid really hurt our lifestyles. Travelling and exploring would help her business but instead we were stuck at home. 

She wanted to remain friends because she felt that our connection was unique and special and the love we had for each other was nothing like she had experienced. But I just could not do it. It's to hard for me to be friends with an EX and the more I loved them the harder it is. 

There's more but that is the jist of it. 

 

 

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, lionheart153 said:

 the thought of killing myself or wanting to die did cross my mind. 

I feel like I am in a dark corner 

Sorry this is happening. How long were you dating? What was the breakup about?

The first thing to do is see a doctor about the depression/suicidal thoughts.  

You can call a hotline and talk to someone. 

Reach out to trusted friends and family. Don't bother with dating apps for "a distraction". 

First take care of your physical and mental health. 

 

[smackie9]

It's a dangerous way to be, being dependent on a relationship to be your soul purpose in life. You lonely? reach out to family and old friends. By the sounds of it, this relationship has isolated you from your own life, and gave way too much of yourself into it...you lost your identity. There are lots of self help books out there. Just go on amazon and find a few to order. You can download audiobooks in a snap and be on your way to feeling better and inspired.

[lionheart153]

4 hours ago, smackie9 said:

It's a dangerous way to be, being dependent on a relationship to be your soul purpose in life. You lonely? reach out to family and old friends. By the sounds of it, this relationship has isolated you from your own life, and gave way too much of yourself into it...you lost your identity. There are lots of self help books out there. Just go on amazon and find a few to order. You can download audiobooks in a snap and be on your way to feeling better and inspired.

One of the issues was when we met, we became friends and I had gotten out of a 3 year relationship but I was working on myself. As was she, as she had gotten over someone she was into for 4 years. The relationship was unexpected but we really had a strong connection. Covid unfortunetly hurt us a lot more than I ever realized. We also made the mistake of living together because she was worried about getting her 90 yr old grandmother sick with covid, and she was over at my place all the time I asked her if she'd like to. That was a mistake because things felt way to comfortable way to fast. On of the things that made us become great friends first and fall for each other was our love for spontaneous adventure. But covid stopped all of it. Covid also isolated myself from friends and family as well. 

I am currently back to working on myself. It's a struggle every day. I feel Like its been over a month and I should feel a little better by now but it feels the same. Maybe the holidays doesnt help and just makes it worse.

15 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. How long were you dating? What was the breakup about?

The first thing to do is see a doctor about the depression/suicidal thoughts.  

You can call a hotline and talk to someone. 

Reach out to trusted friends and family. Don't bother with dating apps for "a distraction". 

First take care of your physical and mental health. 

 

we dated for over a year. though we met 4 years ago. Break up was basically we knew we had to end it. both of us lost our identity and we needed to find ourselves. as well the sex was a problem. she inadvertently broke my confidence about sex and I was just having issues initiating. She also started to think she may be polyamorus and wanted to see other people while still dating me. unfortunately I knew I could not take it. and even though every cell in my body wanted to give it a try cuz I loved her and just wanted her to be happy, I knew I would not be able to handle it.

[smackie9]

Well it sounds like history keeps repeating itself. Learn to be happy with yourself without having to find the happiness through someone else.