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Is she flirting with my wife ?


Janedoe91234

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I’ve been together with my wife for over a year and we had a baby girl recently (I carried her) we have been busy taking care of the baby and things seemed ok until we met a girl who lives in our building let’s call her S. 

So S is a party girl and usually has friends over and drinks. My wife and her became kind of friends. So s starts offering to market for us (I have my own restaurant , my wife is a personal trainer.) so S starts to market my wife and promise to get her clients. Also me and my wife are both lesbian but when I asked S if she is bi (she constantly talks about her ex boyfriend and how good and bad their relationship was ) she laughed and said she wasn’t sure and maybe in the middle.  

 

On maybe the second time we met S was drunk and sad I didn’t know why. My wife then took her drink and downed it and when S asked why, my wife said because I don’t want you to get drunk. Then s said can we talk over on the side , my wife said ofcourse and stayed behind. 

It looked like a. Deep conversation. Before I left I saw S hold my wife’s hand and intertwine the fingers. My wife didn’t pull away. 

The 3rd time we went I left to take care of the baby and my wife stayed behind with S and her friends till morning. 

The next time S invited us to hang out again and I didn’t want to go but my wife insisted. It was maybe 4th time we met. We went up and s was with one guy who said hey s can you massage my neck and she said sure. After a while the guy said wow s has amazing hands you girls should try. 

 

I said no politely but my wife said sure. Anyway the girl began massaging her neck and shoulders and from the beginning my wife was saying it was so good and she knew how to do it so well and also kind of moaned. S massaged her forehead and cheeks, and leaned her head back against her chest  

It went on for over 10 minutes. 

Btw my wife is a chiropractor too and kept insisting to stretch S out but S was saying no I’m fine. My wife was persistent and S finally agreed. Most of the evening they were talking to each other 

 

Also I noticed my wife doesn’t listen to S’s voice notes when I’m around even though they are short and In texts it’s usually S who talks more but it’s about business mostly. 

 

What do you guys think? Am I being paranoid ? Or is there something going on?? 

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5 minutes ago, Janedoe91234 said:

I left I saw S hold my wife’s hand and intertwine the fingers. My wife didn’t pull away. 

Anyway the girl began massaging her neck and shoulders and from the beginning my wife was saying it was so good and she knew how to do it so well and also kind of moaned. S massaged her forehead and cheeks, and leaned her head back against her chest  

It seems inappropriate. Have a talk about boundaries and reaffirm your commitment.

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Sounds like you and your wife need to sit down and have a conversation about relationship boundaries. What is and isn't acceptable when you are married kind of a thing.

I wouldn't bring up S in particular because it's too easy for the conversation to derail into accusations of jealousy. Rather just focus on boundaries and figuring out what is and isn't appropriate behavior for you and your wife as a couple. One of those things that's probably best to nip in the bud early on, but without an all out direct confrontation about S in particular.

What stood out to me is that S seems to include you both equally. However, you have different boundaries from your wife and where you walk away and say no, your wife is happy to accept and say yes. So that's something you need to reconcile with your wife.

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The minute you saw this deep intimate talk they had, with the hand holding, that's when it should have been put to a stop, by explaining to her that it was inappropriate behavior. My god if my husband did that I would be dragging him out by his damn ear.

Don't have S over for drinks again, she can't handle her liquor. No one who behaves like that should be in your house when you have a child around. It's time for everyone to grow up and work out priorities. And that should include the company you/her keeps.

I know the above post suggests going the passive route, but I disagree. You have to point out the actions so you both understand clearly that this needs to be corrected. This can be done with an open honest conversation without jealousy or accusation. This is what being married is all about....communication and honesty or it starts to fail.

Time to have a back bone and get this sorting out.

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14 hours ago, smackie9 said:

The minute you saw this deep intimate talk they had, with the hand holding, that's when it should have been put to a stop, by explaining to her that it was inappropriate behavior. My god if my husband did that I would be dragging him out by his damn ear.

15 hours ago, smackie9 said:

I know the above post suggests going the passive route, but I disagree. You have to point out the actions so you both understand clearly that this needs to be corrected. This can be done with an open honest conversation without jealousy or accusation.

I would not go the passive route, either. The conversation doesn't have to be a big rage-fest. Your boundaries just need to be very clearly drawn, as do hers. 

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So you've been married a year or did you only meet a year ago? Seems strange that you didn't know how she regularly interacted with others, as people usually don't all of a sudden change how they normally act in such a huge way. Is it that you haven't known her very long, or could she be bored and/or becoming emotionally disconnected from you? Unless you're normally an unreasonable person, always trust your gut.

Your partner can't read your mind. You need to tell her what's on it. You should have established relationship boundaries at the point you became exclusive. Since that didn't happen, you'll have to do it now and hope she's on the same page, or complies with your ideas because she values the relationship. Because a relationship won't work if you have opposite ideas on how to be a couple. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

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