Moving away from family and friends..

[pupaloo]

I am of retirement age and am still blessed to have both of my parents. I also have a sister that lives close by....My husband and I recently decided that we want to move to a beach community in Florida which will be about a 12 hour drive from our current home, as we are getting older and want to do this before we get too old and can't. I am excited about it but also feeling guilty at the same time for leaving my parents behind.  

I told my sister what ever is gonna happen, will happen, even if I am not home and it will just take me a little while to get back home...She is all for it except she sometime complains, because she cant retire due to her financial situation.. She will say things to me like,, "i have to work all of the time", I am so stressed out because of work"....

I feel guilty for wanting to pursue this dream because it will effect so many people, but on the other hand I am excited.. 

is it so wrong to leave my elderly parents to pursue a dream? Thanks for your replies....

[SarahLancaster]

Any chance of moving your parents to Florida as well?

I think you should pursue  your dream to move where you want, as long as you keep in close contact with your parents.  Are they capable of skyping or facetiming?

[melancholy123]

Really?  If you want to move, then move!  You get one chance at this life and if this is your dream you should go for it.  A HALF HOUR away is nothing!  I thought you were going to say you were moving 1000 miles away!  

Your sister's financial issues are not yours.  She will have to figure out what to do for herself.

If your parents need help in their home perhaps you can arrange a house keeper or cleaning lady etc.

Start packing and go enjoy what should be your retirement years with good health and sunshine.

 

 

[Andrina]

Times have changed, and people move all the time for a variety of reasons. I moved away as a military wife at age 22. My parents never made me feel guilty. My mom said she got to visit a lot of new places, visiting us, and was always positive. In fact, she told her daughter-in-law, whose grown daughter moved to another state to marry someone she'd dated in the past, "Kids grow up and move away. Get over it." (When the lady whined and pouted about the move).

Your parents got to live where they wanted to during their lives. Now it's your turn to live where you want to. Just make a plan of how you will help out when they need you, and let your sister know your intent.

I lived across the country to where my parents lived when they retired. I told them if they wanted me to take care of them when they were elderly and sick, that they would need to move by me. They resisted until it was really necessary. They didn't want to until it became absolutely necessary, 6 years ago. I don't feel guilty, as these are my prime years and I'm not going to sacrifice my happiness to live where I don't want to live. My mother passed away in August, and my father had a triple bypass in early November. I was glad he decided to move my way all those years ago, because I had to stay with him for 2 weeks when he was released from the hospital. He had to make the sacrifice to move by me for me to help out, and that's okay.

You're not across the country from your parents, which will make it easier for you to help out and regularly visit. Let go of the guilt and enjoy the beach!  

[pupaloo]

39 minutes ago, SarahLancaster said:

Any chance of moving your parents to Florida as well?

I think you should pursue  your dream to move where you want, as long as you keep in close contact with your parents.  Are they capable of skyping or facetiming?

We will video chat on facebook messenger. My mom and I have been practicing it the past couple of weeks. we will text and talk like we currently do now.

[pupaloo]

35 minutes ago, melancholy123 said:

Really?  If you want to move, then move!  You get one chance at this life and if this is your dream you should go for it.  A HALF HOUR away is nothing!  I thought you were going to say you were moving 1000 miles away!  

Your sister's financial issues are not yours.  She will have to figure out what to do for herself.

If your parents need help in their home perhaps you can arrange a house keeper or cleaning lady etc.

Start packing and go enjoy what should be your retirement years with good health and sunshine.

I am moving 12 hours away...so not being right near them is kinda my guilty feeling..

 

 

[pupaloo]

1 minute ago, pupaloo said:

I am moving 12 hours away...so not being right near them is kinda my guilty feeling..

 

 

[pupaloo]

I think sometimes that the guilt I feel is of my own making.  My parent are where they want to be ad the coast is where I want to be. My husband and I have traveled a lot in our life and while he was in the military we were even able to enjoy life abroad. 

Thanks for the encouraging words. I am excited to get this adventure started...but I know that my folks will never visit me there or move there for me to help them. (they think people their age don't do that kind of thing)... they are in their 80's and feel comfortable in their home and surroundings. I understand that.....

[melancholy123]

Guilt is such a waste of time and emotion.  You need to live your life as you see fit and do you really think 1/2 hour is far away?

Do your facetime, Skype, use WhatsApp on your phone.  There's loads of ways to keep in touch easily!  

[boltnrun]

The OP said it will be 12 hours, not a half hour.

Are your parents expressing any objections or fears?

[jimthzz]

1 hour ago, melancholy123 said:

Really?  If you want to move, then move!  You get one chance at this life and if this is your dream you should go for it.  A HALF HOUR away is nothing!  I thought you were going to say you were moving 1000 miles away!  

Your sister's financial issues are not yours.  She will have to figure out what to do for herself.

If your parents need help in their home perhaps you can arrange a house keeper or cleaning lady etc.

Start packing and go enjoy what should be your retirement years with good health and sunshine.

 

 

12 hours, but they should do it anyway.

[pupaloo]

"Are your parents expressing any objections or fears?".......

No they are not but I think they believe that we will return home to live in a few years, that all this is a pipe dream.. because they know of people that have moved away from their home town and have returned. I tell them they can't base my life on others...

[pupaloo]

"Do your facetime, Skype, use WhatsApp on your phone.  There's loads of ways to keep in touch easily!"

I am asking my mom to facetime more with me to get her used to it.  

[Batya33]

So I am not sure if this helps but I wanted to share.  16 years ago my future husband and I got back together, having dated in the past.  By the time we got back together he lived in another city and because of his job it was very likely we'd have to relocate to yet another city if we married.  We did long distance and he also lived in my city-his home town -part of the year.  My aunt and uncle took me out to brunch one day.  By that time it was pretty clear I was going to relocate about 800 miles away -also over a 12 hour drive.  They really, really liked my boyfriend/future husband - but expressed concern that I would move and not be near my parents who I guess might need help (not financial -health care).  I knew for sure my parents would hate for me to stay in our city "for them".  And I was right.  

So in 2009 I relocated.  In 2018 my sister (only sibling) relocated also over 800 miles away to be near her daughters and grandchildren.  My mom is now living on her own in our childhood apartment -my dad passed away in 2016.  She says that if she ever needs assisted living she'd likely move to my sister's city for a couple of reasons - and I live less than a 2 hour plane ride from my sister so that's good too.

In short, it is all working out -even during covid -my mom is in her 80s, she has her peeps in her community -virtually now, mostly, and I still know she'd hate if one of us had stuck around "for her".  We never even really talked about it other than she was so thrilled I was marrying my husband, very proud of his career, and excited for our adventure. Yes it's hard that she hasn't seen her grandson in almost a year but we talk all the time (she won't get a computer/facetime, sigh but has when her grandchildren visit)

All the best of luck to you.