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Talking to other girls?


coly16
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So my boyfriend and I have been together 2 months. Everything has been going smoothly, if not perfect. The other day I got a weird feeling that I've never gotten before and I could tell he was hiding something. When I looked on his phone he had been calling different girls gorgeous, saying they "look good" and stuff. I know it's not technically cheating but now i don't know how to feel. I'm just confused. Any advice?

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Have you both talked about being exclusive? 

It sounds like you have razor sharp instincts! Don't lose that.

And you lose that by staying in toxic, unhealthy relationships which slowly dull your shine and you start to normalize unhealthy behaviour.

If you don't feel comfortable around him, start putting more distance between the both of you until you can sort out your thoughts and communicate with him.

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There should be a certain amount of respect when anyone starts dating. You shouldn't behave as you did when you were single.

Calling other people 'gorgeous' in a flirtatious manner, "they look good", etc, isn't respectful to you, his girlfriend. (at least in my opinion).

And while you can't demand someone stop behaving a certain way, you can leave the situation if you feel they aren't taking your feelings into account and are doing things that are hurting you.

 

I think there is a huge difference between being polite or friendly, versus being flirty and messing where he shouldn't be messing.

 

It's up to you on what you're willing to accept or not accept.

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1 hour ago, coly16 said:

So my boyfriend and I have been together 2 months. Everything has been going smoothly, if not perfect. The other day I got a weird feeling that I've never gotten before and I could tell he was hiding something. When I looked on his phone he had been calling different girls gorgeous, saying they "look good" and stuff. I know it's not technically cheating but now i don't know how to feel. I'm just confused. Any advice?

Sorry this is happening. How old is he?

8 weeks dating is a good time to observe how someone acts.

In this case, have you had the exclusive talk? Are you both still on dating apps or taking to and meeting others?

Perhaps clearing that up will help, but if what you are observing is a red flag 🚩 for you, step back, reflect and lower your investment in this.

He is clearly acting unattached. Think about that.

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12 hours ago, coly16 said:

So my boyfriend and I have been together 2 months. Everything has been going smoothly, if not perfect. The other day I got a weird feeling that I've never gotten before and I could tell he was hiding something. When I looked on his phone he had been calling different girls gorgeous, saying they "look good" and stuff. I know it's not technically cheating but now i don't know how to feel. I'm just confused. Any advice?

You should feel the way that you feel. That is your standard. You are the one who is stuck with the person you choose to have as a companion, not other people. 

That said, if I found out that my boyfriend was communicating with other women, calling them gorgeous and such, he would immediately thereafter be my ex-boyfriend.

Edited by Jibralta
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Unfortunately it sounds like one of those situations where while you feel it's all amazing and near perfect, you just discovered that he isn't feeling the same about you and is actually actively shopping for a bigger better deal. So the real question is, how do you feel about being someone's temporary place holder?

In your shoes, I'd be gone. However, I'm not you and you have to decide for yourself what is and isn't acceptable for you.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Seeking the attention of other women is emotional cheating. What he is doing to them is what he’s did with you when you met right?

he’s not 100% invested or committed. This is not fixable. He will just be more discreet. 
Like the other poster said he is dump worthy. 

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He's not "talking to other girls" - many people have friends of the opposite sex.  He is typing to other women focused on the topic of how he is physically/sexually attracted to them and why.  Who cares if it is labeled as cheating -it's inappropriate to behave that way when you're in a romantic relationship that is exclusive.  And tacky too.  

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I second that.. 'why are you going into his phone'?  I've dated guys & NEVER looked on their phone.

You did this after 8 wks?  Shows no trust.  IMO, all's goin downhill now - and lack of trust.

It's early on... walk now. ( You're not comfortable with what you know).

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 12/11/2020 at 4:23 AM, coly16 said:

So my boyfriend and I have been together 2 months. Everything has been going smoothly, if not perfect. The other day I got a weird feeling that I've never gotten before and I could tell he was hiding something. When I looked on his phone he had been calling different girls gorgeous, saying they "look good" and stuff. I know it's not technically cheating but now i don't know how to feel. I'm just confused. Any advice?

I’ve had same problem and I put my foot down straight away like hell will I look like a mug to other girls they must laugh at other girls excepting this put your foot down and don’t allow this to happen to you , it’s disrespectful to you 

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