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I will try and make this short. Been with this girl for 14 years. We have a 12 year old daughter. The ex receives a text asking if she’s single from a co worker” asking for a friend” she laughs it off saying who would be interested in me? A few days later she gets all lidded off with me over a YouTube video of a girl in a bikini, which I didn’t watch, it auto played into the next video which was that one. She got mad for days very cold and distant. Then says we need to talk. I knew what was coming. She starts crying and says she doesn’t love me anymore it’s been like that for awhile and she’s been thinking of this for some time now. I was shocked by everything she said. Father day was a few days prior she wrote me a loving card telling me how she loves me and wants us to work things out no matter what, all that stuff. But while she’s sitting there breaking up with me telling me to move out I’m so confused how she loved me a week ago but stopped loving me awhile back. Anyways, I move out while I have no job due to covid and no where to go. So I sleep in my car. A few days later my daughter messaged me says that she found somethings on her moms computer. The ex had been looking up how to please a guy. 🤦 my daughter should be seeing that stuff. I go over and confront her and start throwing out co workers names. She starts laughing. Weird because we know she starts laughing when she gets nervous and put on the spot. Again starts crying so I leave. The next couple of days get worse. My daughter sees her texting quite a bit snd locks her phone and doesn’t let her use her phone anymore. Finds out her mom is buying sexy under wear and lingerie. And caught one day coming out of the bathroom topless after hearing her taking pictures. Most likely sending nudes. My daughter finally confront hers and tells her I know you guys are broken up I know you’re seeing someone else. Her mom told her we were just living desperate so that I get help with schooling, big lie. Even while she’s being confronted she lies and eventually admits to us being broken up and how she kicked me out. She denies talking to someone, so our daughter asks to see her phone and in front of her starts deleting texts messages. After that moment my daughter lost so much respect for her mom. Her mom sent our daughter away with her parents for the summer. I struggled to see her because she removed me from our bank account snd I was struggling finding a job. While she was with her grandparents the ex rarely saw our daughter, I’d push for her to go visit her. Our daughter would call her mom only to find out weeks later that she was being ignored because her mom was out parting getting drunk not going home to sleep. Our daughter was devastated. Her mom neglected her all summer lied to her countless times. And what makes it worse, the grama had and affair and here we are reparations history while the mom sides with the ex and my daughter is pushed aside stuck there with them not carrying that she’s being emotionally abused by her neglecting mother. I struggled so much to find a job but once I did all I could afford were hotels once in awhile so that my daughter could get away from them. Fast forward I now have a place of my own my daughter tried patching things up with her mom( who’s the grownup here) the mom tell her that she doesn’t regret lying to her, because she didn’t want to her our daughters feelings. My daughter can’t believe what her mom is telling her and all hell breaks lose. After trying to reconcile with her mom that neglected her and chose a single life over her and never bothered apologizing. She had enough and ripped up our family picture, they’re cheap prints and we have the digital files so I want bothered. Her mom threatens to send her to her parents again but until she’s 18! So I intervene and pick up my daughter and she’s been living with me ever since.(Oct 28th,2020) a week later it’s our daughter birthday and her mom wishes her such a loveless birthday. “Happy Birthday” the ex is one of the happiest, jolliest prettiest smartest hard working person is ever met. She’s gorgeous and everyone loves her. They say she’s too nice. But if they only knew how she is behind closed doors. Complete opposite, she’ll eat us alive. She messaged me on our daughters birthday saying that she changed the house lock becuse she doesn’t trust our daughter there alone. Great now our daughter waits in the complex clubs houses restroom until I can pick her up after work. She’s in there 4 hours!!! I’m here dealing with our daughters broken heart while her mom is out drinking doing who knows what. So I snap and tell her off and tell her that I’m done talking with her, we don’t need her in our life and I’ve lost respect for her as a mom. Btw she’s a RN Nurse. Her career is based around caring for other and she can’t even care for her own daughter, someone she carried around for 9 months and struggles two days to reliever. I don’t get it. My mom was a single mom and taught us that kids come first. She made that known to any guy she met. Very up front. If I were doing this, my mom would call social service on me and do everything she could to remove my daughter from me. But my ex mom believes your needs come first, and you can buy back their love with expensive gifts and eventually they’ll just forget. Play the victim everyone will come to your aid 🙄 🖕 them both. So because I told her off and told her not to message me. Told her on Nov 24th. She messaged our daughter. Our daughter basically told her off too. Saying she’ll never change and how she’s never apologized. Her mom says I’m sorry for how I made you feel. My 12 year old daughter says, that’s the problem, you never apologize for what you’ve done or regret anything you’ve done, you show no remorse.  Her mom then says I’m sorry for what I did, I regret it. Never specified what exactly she’s talking about. My daughter hasn’t replied since. She says, we don’t need her, all we need is each other, I forget she even exist. 
 

Hopefully someone with something similar can give me some insight on our situation or just advance in general. There’s days that I feel like I’m going crazy here. We’re completely alone. Even more so with covid. The way my ex has been acting drives me mad sometimes. I don’t get why’d she’s turned so cold. I can get that she lost love for me and met someone during work and left me for him. But to do this to our daughter? She has made a complete 180. Didn’t like going out, drinking, swearing, or having friends or even watching anything with nudity. And now it’s likes anything goes. Forgot to mention. Her mom went 3 weeks without checking in on our daughter. I kept track. So when I told her off I brought that up. So now every Monday on cue she’ll message our daughter saying. How are you? LOL wow. Almost like her way of saying you see I do check in. My ex has turned into a total piece of crap, so toxic. She even says in not available 24/7. Let me know a day in advance to see if I’m available. You’re a mom!!! You’re job is to be available 24/7 for our daughter. My daughter wanted to pick up a sweater from her house, since she changed the locks we had to make an appt because the ex didn’t reply to us for 2 days. 
 

I can now officially say that this has been my lowest point ever. Cheated on, homeless, no money, no food, showering at the beach, not sleeping. Losing 40 lbs in 2 months. Seeing my daughter soul being torture and not being able to help her because I have nothing to offer her! I’ve been doing my best with what I have, and we’re in a better place now. Just every once in awhile I get angry and feel like I still don’t get why all this happened and why her mom to this very second is still absent. She’s a completely different person, we have no idea who this person is, but we want nothing to do with her. Sorry for ranting, it actually helped to get this off my chest after not having anyone to talk to. 

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@Wiseman2@JibraltaOur daughter would use the one laptop in the house to work on school assignment during Distant Learning. She was going through the browser history to find the site that she normally does to log in to work on something. While I moved out she was gone with her grandparents for about 4 days. She has to keep scrolling through the history and keep seeing her moms searches. She had suspected something was going g on between us two (her mom and I) because we were distant for nearly a week. And later revealed that she had a feeling that her mom told me to leave and that she was seeing someone else. So when when she had to keep scrolling down and down. Through so many searches of Victoria secret and how to please a guy she called me. All she said was, moms been looking up some things, I can’t say what it is, I don’t think it’s for kids. She showed me through FaceTime from her iPad and right away I knew what it was. So my daughter didn’t tell me she’s buying lingerie and sexy underwear and how to please a guy. But accidentally came across it and things just started to come together in her head about her mom. And as for her catching her mom taking pictures. She said that her mom told her one day that she was going gtl shower up stairs. Except she was gone longer than usual and never heard the water. She didn’t think much of it. She went up stairs for something for her braces. The vanity is right outside the restroom door which only has the toilet and the bath tub. As she got close to the vanity kept hearing the phone making the sound it make when you take pictures. She thought that was weird and a few seconds later her mom walks out too less wearing makeup( she had done her makeup while she was in there) again all a coincidence and pure by chance that she caught her. Her mom freaked out seeing her there and covered herself with her arm phone in hand. My daughter asked what we’re you doing. She freaked out and couldn’t muster words. Eventually said nothing. My daughter asked were you taking pictures? My ex eyes widened and began to stutter and said no. She asked why are you wearing so much make up if you’re going to shower again stuttering. Said she’s not wearing makeup all while her makeup bag was also in there. One day they took some pictures of something with the ex phone and they started to look at them. While they went into the gallery my Ex freaked because she noticed she had some selfies of herself and immediately got away and started to delete them. My daughter was just putting dots together in her head and eventually confronted her mom. Even after all the proof that my daughter found and all by accident. The ex prob thought she’d never get caught but my daughter started to see her mom act different and now we know why. 

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@Wiseman2i never asked her to spy on her mom. My ex was just really sloppy and our daughter kept finding things throughout the summer by chance. I think the ex thinks our daughter was naive and wouldn’t figure anything out since she’s just a kid. But our daughter felt something wasn’t right when she would constantly stumble across things. She bottles everything up and eventually confronted her mom will all of that, and her mom freaked out called me to pick her up. That’s when I found out about my daughters suspicion. When she showed me the things on the computer and went over I didn’t tell my daughter anything about it. I talked with her mom about it and it stayed between us two. I don’t ask my daughter to spy or even say anything bad about her mom. In the first two months I was super depresssd snd wanted our life back. I wanted my family back. So I kept my mouth shut because I know if I said anything to my daughter it could change how she sees her mom and it would be really hard if we were a family again and she hates her mom. Well I didn’t tell my daughter anythkng And in the end she hates her mom me never wants to see her again. The first month I begged. Second month we were amicable. But then that when her mom confessed about going out drinking and not sleeping at home all this time. After that slowly I started seeing her differently and even more so because she still didn’t want to see our daughter, but now we knew why. I started limited contact because we have a child and have to communicate. Up until my daughter birthday when she went 3 weeks without checking in on our daughter. I told her off. I couldn’t hold it together anymore and told her we’re done talking, I blocked her. She can always message my daughter, I can’t force them to talk. Besides she rarely reaches out to her anyways. No, can I see you, I miss you. Nothing. Just how are things going with your dad. I’m sure if she wanted she could take our daughter back through court. But she knows she’s said so much that it would tarnish her reputation. She even told my daughter a few times about going to court to give up her rights. So I’m just building a case against her buying myself sometime, going to school and working towards joining the military over the summer. After that I’m taking her to court. But I also want to give us all time to cool down and not just rush into things, because it can literally change everything for us all. Right now I’m super mad and need time to cook down. Maybe her mom needs the same, time to get parting out of her system and then she’ll come back. Who knows. 

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23 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

A 12 y/o should not be dragged into this and you should not ask her to spy on  her mother.

My ex decided to break up with me while our daughter was showering. So by the time she got out she saw her mom with red eyes like she had been crying. Leading up to that day she noticed her mom Distant. She was always super affectionate. But completely stopped for nearly a week. She would ignore me In the house snd refused to take anything from me. Example if I’d make something to eat shes day no thanks snd make herself something. So leading up to the day she broke up with me, my daughter knew something was up. A few days after the break up she tell our daughter that she’s going to spend a few days with her grandparents And o the way over to her grandparents the ex tell our daughter that I’m moving out, but to get help to find a job and with school but that were not broken up and still A family. A few days after she comes back from her grandparents is when she find those things on the detach history snd her mom acting way different. Way out of character. She said she was sad and would cry because I wasn’t there and my ex would get mad and tell her to get over it. Things just kept adding up leading her to believe that something was going on. Little things here snd there. More makeup, revealing clothing’, flirting with guys. Things so out of character. It wasn’t a gradually change. It was a major overhaul over night. That’s why my daughter took notice. So much Happened it’s hard to remember it all. 

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