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Wanting to get back with my EX


Guest SoloDolo

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Guest SoloDolo

So I’ll try to make a long story short but basically I am the reason for my own misery.

 

I cheated on my wife of 7 years [been together 11 years] on a one night stand after I got drunk. The girl I cheated on her was very attractive but I had instant regret after doing it. I tried to forget it happened and eventually tell my wife but my worst nightmare happened. The girl I cheated on told me she was pregnant. I was in shock, I thought about the information for a few days and I compulsively made a decision to kick her out and try to do what was best for my child. Now that I think back I’m not sure why I did this I guess I felt I had an obligation to my child and to do right by it. I think also the attraction of the other woman played a role carnally for me at the time.

 

Anyway, fast forward a bit my poor ex wife begged me for about 2-3 months as I tried to get to know baby momma, I ignored her but honestly every night I missed her so much. Eventually she wouldn’t stop begging so I began being mean to her, thinking this would help her move on. I said some really nasty things, most I did not mean and some had truths. I really regret doing all of it tbh once I really dawn on the hurt it did.

 

after a couple weeks I had not heard from my ex wife, at this point I realized that I loved her to much to give her up. I would very eveynight but I would ignore my feelings. So I finally decided I gotta get this girl back. I arrogantly thought I would call her and she would come running back but little did I know my selfish actions created something that would change my life forever. My ex wife was dating someone else!. At this point she was angry and said she’s never going back. I begged her for 3 months straight. I eventually got her to meet me up and play the friend and it honestly went very well then I caved the next day and begin begging and it pushed her away once again. She made her relationship official on FB, so I decided in hopes to make her jealous I would make my baby momma Official on FB [Which FYI had a miss carriage]

 

its been 5 months now since she’s been with her rebound and I’m losing hope. I finally stopped begging her 8 days ago.

 

honestly I’ve been selfish,  made poor decisions, cheated and just been a horrible person.

but I love my ex, I always did but I’m a fool. Is there any suggestions how I can get my wife back?. 
 

 

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Guest SoloDolo
35 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry to hear this . Your exwife moved on, let it be. How's it working out with babymama girl?


not good at all, she knows I’m still in love with my ex and I can’t give her any real emotions because of it. It’s very likely we will separate and that we are clearly using eachother for companionship as she recently got out of a relationship not to long before.

 

well one thing I’ve noticed about my ex is that she’s showed that she still has feelings and in love but hurt and embarrassed to give me a chance. I thought maybe if I give her no contact maybe she can breathe abc maybe try again in a month?.

 

i know I don’t deserve her after everything but we were flawless for 11 years. It just feels like ashame to give up on true love.

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You gave up on true love by messing around UNPROTECTED and getting another woman pregnant. Then you made it worse by treating your wife horribly and saying awful things to her.

 

Learn a hard lesson from this; do not play with people like they are toys.

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Guest SoloDolo

Just to reply to everyone, [Baby Momma had a mid carriage] so a child is no longer in the picture.

 

also noting, cheating is terrible and I’m not going to use this as an excuse but I was probably the most intoxicated I’ve ever been in 10 years. I was definitely taken advantage of but nonetheless there is no excuse for cheating and I should have put my foot down firmer. Right after cheating I immediately felt guilty. There was no enjoyment or satisfaction for me. I ended all contact with the person I cheated with and she hit me with the curveball of telling me she was pregnant.

 

Now as far as me being mean to my ex, it’s quiete saddening because I was not being mean just to be mean. I thought ignorantly that It would help her move on since she was so stuck on me. It actually brought pain to me even saying mean things to her. 
 

all I’m saying is I am good person, I’ve just made mistake after mistake. I don’t think I’ve ever done anything more despicable, it’s completely out of character for me.

 

but everyone makes mistakes and I all I want is my ex back. Maybe I don’t deserve her but I know she still has love for me. I would just really like some advice how I could increase my chances of giving myself the best opportunity to get her back.

 

i just don’t think I’ll ever give up the fight to get her back and I’m willing to do anything and everything.

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Brushing off your awful behavior by blaming alcohol (you chose to go out without your wife and drink excessively), blaming the other woman for taking advantage of you (please...) and minimizing by saying "everyone makes mistakes" proves you think only about what you want and take no responsibility. A mistake is adding salt when the recipe calls for sugar.  You made choices.

Now you have to live with the consequences of the choices you made.

Have you left the woman you cheated with or are you still stringing her along? Who are you living with?

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2 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Brushing off your awful behavior by blaming alcohol (you chose to go out without your wife and drink excessively), blaming the other woman for taking advantage of you (please...) and minimizing by saying "everyone makes mistakes" proves you think only about what you want and take no responsibility. A mistake is adding salt when the recipe calls for sugar.  You made choices.

Now you have to live with the consequences of the choices you made.

Have you left the woman you cheated with or are you still stringing her along? Who are you living with?

That was an incredible response, right!   

I always find it interesting when people have to tell us they are "good people," are they trying to convince themselves, or others.  

By refusing to give up is incredibly selfish, once again, you are only thinking about you. 

 

 

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So you kicked your wife out over a one night stand who was better looking who had an "oops" pregnancy?  You do realize the woman could have been lying about being pregnant.  When you make stupid choices, cruel choices and selfish choices, you get your comeuppance.  I feel so bad for your wife. 

Edited by tattoobunnie
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Guest SoloDolo
2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Brushing off your awful behavior by blaming alcohol (you chose to go out without your wife and drink excessively), blaming the other woman for taking advantage of you (please...) and minimizing by saying "everyone makes mistakes" proves you think only about what you want and take no responsibility. A mistake is adding salt when the recipe calls for sugar.  You made choices.

Now you have to live with the consequences of the choices you made.

Have you left the woman you cheated with or are you still stringing her along? Who are you living with?


I think I stated clearly that it was “not excuse” but I think full context is important. Meaning that I did not deliberately go out of my way anticipating to cheat that night. I was basically at the point of being black out drunk. That aside I have taken full responsibility for it. I don’t think I’ve ever stated I have not.

 

im with the baby momma still, as I stated she knows I still love my ex. We are basically using each other for companionship. We’re both aware, no one is stringing each other along.

 

 

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1 hour ago, tattoobunnie said:

So you kicked your wife out over a one night stand who was better looking who had an "oops" pregnancy?  You do realize the woman could have been lying about being pregnant.  When you make stupid choices, cruel choices and selfish choices, you get your comeuppance.  I feel so bad for your wife. 


So logically speaking it was idiotic, trust me I’m aware but trust me the girl took multiple test with me present to confirm.

 

I kicked her out [that said I provided her a place to stay, so I did not throw her on the street]. I think ultimately I kicked her out to breathe and think. My soul thought processes was “I need to do what’s best for my child”. My father abandoned me And my mother before I was born and I guess it stuck with me not to be the same. The new girl while very attractive was not a factor for me but obviously carnally a bonus, if she was not pregnant nothing would’ve ever come of this and I was already building the courage to tell my ex because I wanted pure honesty and no secrets between us as she deserved to know.

 

trust me I know I have made mistake after mistake 

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These were not "mistakes" but choices.  You chose to cheat, you chose to toss your wife out, you chose to say horrible things to her and you are choosing to stay with the woman you cheated with.  And yet, you expect your wife to just overlook all of this and come running back to you.

I'm not sure where this selfish behavior stems from but it's so damaging to do these things to someone you claim to love.

I have no methods for you to try to convince her to come back because I don't think she should.

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On 12/9/2020 at 11:19 AM, Guest SoloDolo said:

I’m not going to use this as an excuse but I was probably the most intoxicated I’ve ever been in 10 years. I was definitely taken advantage of but nonetheless there is no excuse for cheating and I should have put my foot down firmer.

Come on dude. When you keep changing the story, it becomes difficult to take you seriously. You said earlier that you slept with the girl because she was hot, and that her hotness played a role in you leaving your wife for her. I don't believe for a second that you were blackout drunk. Sounds more like you 'took advantage' of The Situation.

Based on your responses here, I doubt you'll ever fully admit to how irresponsible and self-centered you are. I think that you will continue to be this way for the rest of your life. It's your nature. But I hope that your wife has had her eyes opened fully, and that she steers clear of you, and others like you, in the future. Run, girl, run!!

 

Edited by Jibralta
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I think the drunk cheating aside, it was actually more your behaviour afterwards that was appalling. Your ex wife still wanted you back but you were acting beyond immature, you kicked her out and were being mean to her. You were with another woman! Of course your ex wife started dating someone else, after she was being treated like a piece of dirt! You didn't actually have to get with the other woman just because she was pregnant. You could have just had a relationship with your child. I think you really were just thinking with your penis and also went to the other woman because she was attractive. How is your ex wife meant to trust you now. After 11 years together you just tossed her aside. I probably wouldn't give you a chance again if I was her.

Edited by Tinydance
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I think you'll have to pick up the pieces and acknowledge the mistakes moving on from both women. 

It's not going to work with either. There's too much damage sustained in your previous marriage and you're not in love with your current partner at all. 

Staying or seeking affection, love, friendship or any of these things with the two of them is just stopping you from finding real happiness in the future with someone else. Until you understand what caused so much unhappiness in the first place I think you'll keep making the same mistakes (this is human nature). 

You may have been bored, burnt out, unattracted to your ex-wife. Intellectually, physically or emotionally you may not have been on the same page at all. Don't let your guilt override the fact that the marriage may not have been working for awhile. 

Before you start dating anyone else and after you separate from your current partner, it might not be a bad idea to talk to someone about any fears or hesitations you have in relationships or about yourself in general. 

What I struck me as very strong and powerful was your immediate reaction to finding out about the baby and your instincts to provide for it. Is having a family, more than anything, what you really want? Where is this desire coming from or where did that strong reaction come from?

When there was a miscarriage (I'm sorry to hear this also), did your interest immediately wane with your current partner? Men have strong desires to procreate also and have children of their own. This is just something to explore a bit more. 

 

Edited by Rose Mosse
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