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Relieved I got away but I get mad at myself


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Congratulations for finally getting out. 

The fact that you endured for so long was a blessing because it forced you to see your shortcomings so you can learn from it and become stronger...

Of course, it's always preferable to not have to learn these the lessons the hard way. But it happens... We're all only human after all.

I say this because I recently experienced something similar. Not with one girl, but two... Her and her best friend scheming to manipulate, hurt and make me feel worse. All at the expense of my emotional health and for their own ego and validation.

Pat yourself on the back for walking away from toxic people like this. Not only are you now able to better spot them. But it will also allow you to strengthen your weaknesses so as not to invite people like this into your life.

Above all, never give up... Don't let people like this make you lose hope as there are good people out there.

Stay safe,

Onderoo

Edited by Onderoo
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On 12/6/2020 at 11:23 AM, PinkMoonlite said:

I'm trying not to feel mad at myself or guilty about staying so long and putting up with things... it's a hard thing to cope with.

I get this, and my heart goes out to you.

A scene from a movie plane crash once awakened me to what 'shock' means... A guy who survived was walking around through the debris and death around him, crying because his watch was broken.

That represents the tunnel vision of shock. It is a real and physical phenomenon.

Give yourself the credit for extricating yourself from danger, even while you take the time you need to process and forgive your own shock and learning process.

Nobody else can assign to you a reasonable timeline to move past shock into recognition. The fact that you DID do that is the important thing, while berating yourself for the lag time is counterproductive and beside the point.

This doesn't mean that you can't offer yourself the service of learning from the experience. It just means that crediting a survivor for an escape versus judging someone for the length of time it took to escape demonstrates the difference between SUPPORTING a survivor versus sabotage.

You deserve support, so recognize any saboteur as removed--and therefore ignorant--of the reality that took place and eventually lead you to rescue yourself. Even if that saboteur is a part of your Self.

It's easy for kids to say of a falling elevator, "I'd just jump up before hitting the ground..." The reality is far more complex, and so we need to forgive the child in ourselves that over-simplifies and judges.

Big ((HUG)) and write more if it helps.
Cat

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