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Am I too sensitive on this topic


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Hey,

 

Maybe I am overthinking things. That's why I would appreciate some advice on one topic.

 

I have a friend we know each other for a few years. We never were very close but we used to party a lot when we were younger. He is not living in my town, so he stayed at my place over the weekend and sometimes we were hanging out together or he met his other friends or he stayed at his friends place and we met for a few hours. That was before covid.

 

A few months ago he was staying my place. He had the keys to my apartment and because I was at work he had the apartment for himself for most of the time. However, at that time I had contact to a covid positive person. When I found out I called him. I wasn't expecting a happy response but he got into an "alarm mode" and became very rude. He said, what kind of person Am I to know people like my friend... we both are putting him and his people in danger as he is in close contact to covid risk people and if it turns out he was in my town he has to explain himself.

 

I was really shocked. I only understood then I don't know this person I let into my apartment with all my stuff. Only private things we shared were dating stuff. I never visited him in his hometown or something like that. I told him, it is his private life and he doesn't have to share private things with me but then he has to deal with his stuff on his own and he should stop accusing me and my friend.

 

One of his friends later said to me I am very nice person because of what I am doing for him. it is so difficult for him because of his disease and of course the quarantine thing is not good at the moment. Another friend of him called me to ask how I am and she also knew his health status.

 

In the end everything was OK, I was negative. He apologized for his overreaction but now I start to think... Should I let him in my apartment again? It feels to me I let a person sleep/live in my apartment for free and I don't know that person... Especially with the pandemic I am not sure if I want to do that again. I mean of course he doesn't have to tell me about his private things especially about his health or the health of people close to me but now are difficult times. I am wondering his other friends seem to know all those things but I am "good" enough as a free hotel. I am not sure if I am overreacting.

 

He asked me if he can visit me around nye. Not sure what to do.

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He had the keys to my apartment and because I was at work he had the apartment for himself for most of the time. However, at that time I had contact to a covid positive person. When I found out I called him. I wasn't expecting a happy response but he got into an "alarm mode" and became very rude. He said, what kind of person Am I to know people like my friend... we both are putting him and his people in danger as he is in close contact to covid risk people and if it turns out he was in my town he has to explain himself.

 

Explain himself to whom?

 

This to me sounds like he was not being honest with someone regarding his whereabouts. Otherwise, why would any of his friends or family care that he was in your town? This strongly suggests he was worried his cover might be blown if it turned out he was positive and had to explain how/where he contracted Covid. His reaction doesn't sound like it's just based on the fear of the virus itself.

 

I also have a little trouble understanding the backstory - how did you meet him? It seems you're right that you don't actually know him very well. Given that you've never been to his hometown and don't really know about his personal life, how do his friends know you well enough to contact you? Why did he come to stay with you to begin with? Were you intimate with him?

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It's unclear why you want to be this person's free BnB?

 

Don't let him stay at your place. It's that simple.

 

If he wants to meet up around nye for a quick drink, leave it at that. Then you go home and he goes back to his hotel.

 

Is he married or living with someone? What's all the secrecy about?

 

Is this the same man?:

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=520932&p=6635632&viewfull=1#post6635632

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On 12/6/2020 at 1:12 PM, Wiseman2 said:

It's unclear why you want to be this person's free BnB?

 

Don't let him stay at your place. It's that simple.

 

If he wants to meet up around nye for a quick drink, leave it at that. Then you go home and he goes back to his hotel.

 

Is he married or living with someone? What's all the secrecy about?

 

Is this the same man?:

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=520932&p=6635632&viewfull=1#post6635632

Noooo, thats not the same guy. Someone ese...

He is just a friend, we never had anything going on. We only talk about dating problems. Never shared a bed or something like that. It was more about hanging out together on friday/saturday night. I don't think he is married, but as far as I know he has a chronic disease and is in very close contact with his family. I guess that is the problem. That's what he meant with he has to explain himself to people. I don't know any details.

We went to the university together. That's how I know him and the other people he is hanging out. We are in some kind of contact thanks to the social media but I wouldn't call them when I want to go out.

He texted me yesterday and asked if he can visit me next weekend before christmas. I said no, I am too busy. Not sure if I should tell him the truth about what I am thinking and why I actually don't want offer him a place to stay.

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27 minutes ago, misses said:

Not sure if I should tell him the truth about what I am thinking and why I actually don't want offer him a place to stay.

Yes be honest but diplomatic that you can't host him at your place. That way he can make other arrangements. You can tell him a friend/relative "may" be coming to town visiting.

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