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Round two maybe


Pink26

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Hi all . I in the past was in contact with an old friend . he told me that he could not talk to me anymore because I’m married. Well he started contact with him again . with in the past month he would text me randomly . and his texts were very short . So my birthday just passed and he sent me a really cute birthday message . Later that evening we were texting each other and catching up for two hours . He said that he missed me. When I tried to talk to him two days later . I got no response. He has done things like this all month but will respond when he wants to . He also talked about getting together like we used to . I am really confused why he would start contact with me again and kinda disappear . He started this . Why would he ?

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I’m trying. It’s just that we aren’t getting along . I feel stressed all the time . Then he came along and took all the stress away . Made me feel better instantly. My husband and I barely talk anymore. But you’re right I should focus on making myself happy and my marriage.

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I'm afraid he's not sure what he wants. That's called hot and cold. He's probably lonely and thought of the times he had with you, decided to get in touch to test the waters.

 

Continue at your own risk. If you are ok with a casual come & go kinda guy, don't expect anything from this guy & mirror his behavior.

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I’m trying. It’s just that we aren’t getting along . I feel stressed all the time . Then he came along and took all the stress away . Made me feel better instantly. My husband and I barely talk anymore. But you’re right I should focus on making myself happy and my marriage.
awww.. I'm sorry for your marriage troubles.

 

Be careful because you're both in really vulnerable positions. You're better off staying away from him. let him heal on his stuff and you figure out what you're doing with the hubs.

 

mainly... do you want this marriage or not? don't let things get messy with this guy... keep it simple/ separate.

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You can't work on your marriage while having an emotional affair.

 

Either focus 100% on your husband and marriage or tell your husband you want to date that other guy so he can make an informed decision about whether or not he wants to stay married to you while you date another man.

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He wants a little bit of fluff on the side. You are MARRIED. If you want to mess around with this guy (both of you rebounding) end things with your husband first. If you don't want to divorce, then stop communicating with your emotional affair dude and start working on your own marriage - see a marriage counsellor and sort yourself out. You can't have it both ways. Affairs and rebounds very very rarely ever work out. All it does is bring you more hurt and crap in your life. Choice is yours.

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Sorry to hear that. Unfortunately it seems like you are lonely and need someone to talk to.

 

It may be better to see a therapist, not just to talk, but to sort out why your marriage is so bad.

 

Don't count on an old flame/old friend to rescue you from a bad marriage and unhappy life.

 

Do you work? Do you have friends and family nearby? Do you have interests, hobbies, etc.

 

Does your husband cheat? Why is there so much estrangement and why are you staying married?

He lives in another state 20 hrs away . So this was a long distance thing . But yes I think I agree with you he’s unsure
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Yes I have friends and I have family close by . I really miss the friendship that I had with this man more than anything. He just knew how to make me feel better instantly. My husband and I did do marriage counseling 10 years ago. My husband is stressed all the time from work and brings that home with him . If I try and talk to him he always make me feel like I wish I didn’t. But I was thinking about talking with a therapist by myself so that I can handle him better . He’s a mess it’s taking a toll on me and our marriage.

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I'm afraid he's not sure what he wants. That's called hot and cold. He's probably lonely and thought of the times he had with you, decided to get in touch to test the waters.

 

Continue at your own risk. If you are ok with a casual come & go kinda guy, don't expect anything from this guy & mirror his behavior.

 

I agree. Some people are like this. Very messy inside. I wouldn't get involved. The mess will just spread to you, and it sounds like you don't need more aggravation in your life.

 

The good news is, this has given you more insight into the state of your marriage. Maybe you should consider ending it.

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Yes I have friends and I have family close by . I really miss the friendship that I had with this man more than anything. He just knew how to make me feel better instantly. My husband and I did do marriage counseling 10 years ago. My husband is stressed all the time from work and brings that home with him . If I try and talk to him he always make me feel like I wish I didn’t. But I was thinking about talking with a therapist by myself so that I can handle him better . He’s a mess it’s taking a toll on me and our marriage.
Therapy on your own is the best idea yet.

 

Many people reflect positively on the past and remember things so much better than they seem now.

 

You are unhappy and you're looking for the easiest way to "fix" this. Hence seeing this guy as the one that was always there for you etc.

 

You may be a damsel in distress but no one can save you. Only you can do that. By figuring yourself out. leaving your husband, then being on your own, and rebuilding your life to the point you are ready to date.

 

Layering a desperate attempt at romance with an equally desperate guy on top of a failing marriage is a recipe for a disaster. You think its an easy fix. but it will actually take years to recover.

 

And I'll tell you why. you and man from the past are both unhappy but in different stages of failing marriages. Yes. you have that in common but you are different people. what's true for one may not be true for both.

 

You don't even know the depth of your own damage and what you need to work on. you got a lot of unpacking to do. if you skip this step, it's a lot like having a beautiful dessert... but you served it on a bowl soup. you might enjoy a bite or two but, its basically garbage.

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Think of it like missing junk food. A binge might feel fabulous, but the consequences of feeling so lousy afterward aren't worth it.

 

The guy is a flake. He pumped you full of fluff with no real stuff to back it up. So he goes ~poof!~ and you're left wondering why you bothered engaging with him in the first place.

 

Head high, focus on creating the life you envision for yourself. Solo counseling might be a good place to start, and you might offer husband some kind of payoff for attempting couples counseling. I'd frame it, "...for ME to learn how to be a better parter for you while you're suffering so much stress, and, if you'll write me a list of some things I can do for you in return, I can make it worth your time...."

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I do try backing off . After we text each other for two hours straight catching up. He was talking about getting together he said that he missed me . said that he’s been a mess since we stopped talking in august . Then after we talked for two hours two days later I texted him . No response. And then Friday I point blank text him why do you text me then disappear still no response. But yet leaves me to believe that he’s interested because he did say I miss you and he did say when you come down here to visit me . Ugh this is hard

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