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Joni Mitchell Wisdom


journeynow
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A friend shared this passage with me, and I thought it worth passing along:

 

“I don’t know if I’ve learned anything yet! I did learn how to have a happy home, but I consider myself fortunate in that regard because I could’ve rolled right by it. Everybody has a superficial side and a deep side, but this culture doesn’t place much value on depth — we don’t have shamans or soothsayers, and depth isn’t encouraged or understood. Surrounded by this shallow, glossy society we develop a shallow side, too, and we become attracted to fluff. That’s reflected in the fact that this culture sets up an addiction to romance based on insecurity — the uncertainty of whether or not you’re truly united with the object of your obsession is the rush people get hooked on. I’ve seen this pattern so much in myself and my friends and some people never get off that line.

But along with developing my superficial side, I always nurtured a deeper longing, so even when I was falling into the trap of that other kind of love, I was hip to what I was doing. I recently read an article in Esquire magazine called ‘The End of Sex,’ that said something that struck me as very true. It said: 'If you want endless repetition, see a lot of different people. If you want infinite variety, stay with one.' What happens when you date is you run all your best moves and tell all your best stories — and in a way, that routine is a method for falling in love with yourself over and over.

 

You can’t do that with a longtime mate because he knows all that old material. With a long relationship, things die then are rekindled, and that shared process of rebirth deepens the love. It’s hard work, though, and a lot of people run at the first sign of trouble. You’re with this person, and suddenly you look like an to them or they look like an to you — it’s unpleasant, but if you can get through it you get closer and you learn a way of loving that’s different from the neurotic love enshrined in movies. It’s warmer and has more padding to it.”

—Joni Mitchell

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I love Joni Mitchell's music and this is great. But it makes me feel boring because we love revisiting all our old material and laughing about it!! Like sometimes one word that evokes an old inside joke or story. Many of course are what we experienced together (like the time I begged this couple not to let me take their photo because I am not a good photographer, they insisted, I messed up the first one and the second attempt -dropped the camera - we both heard the old school whiirrrrrring sound as the film rewound (yes this was 1995)). They were like "um...... thanks". I mean 25 years later all I really have to do is make that whiring sound and he is hysterical and our son is like "what??"

 

Yes, it's not like that infatuation rush because that is unique to a brand new person who is a total mystery plus usually unavailable and yes you do have to rekindle but if you have shared laughter and build on the old material the rekindling is easier. Also - you have to want to make up. Meaning you have to want to reach a resolution from let's say covid-related bickering (meaning being too cooped up and irritable) - because your desire to reconnect is stronger than your desire to be right.

 

Thanks again for this post, Journeynow!

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