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Why are guys asking for sexy photos?


sadchick83
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I posted a few weeks ago about a 23 year old male who was pursuing me, begging for sexy photos, even masterbating on FaceTime in front of me. I haven’t been dating for a while so just wanted to know if this was normal.

 

So last night I went out to bar and met a nice lawyer. He had a table with bottle service and was fun but professional. At the end of the evening and today he has bombarded me with requests for sexy photos.

 

SO OK, the 23 year old restaurant employee is young and virile, but the 2nd guy is at least 10 to 15 years older and is a professional. I do not get what is behind asking women for sexy photos??? Is this the new norm? Really? People have been able to take photos on phones for ages and I don’t recall being inundated with sexy photo requests.

 

Can someone please explain? Seem the order is : Meet girl, get number, get sexy photo.....not sure what happens after that. Is it a test of sorts?

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Not too surprising for meeting people at a bar. The general consensus seems to be that people who hang out in bars are looking for sex. Not always, of course, but I had that happen sometimes when I used to go to bars alone.

 

If they don't ask you out on a proper date you can block then delete their number.

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Easy gratification and of course can be used against you. I wouldn’t do it. And ditch the fellow immediately.

 

I second this ^ Any woman who falls for this should be aware that there is a huge chance that the guy will share these pictures with all of their friends and eventually could end up all over the www. It really doesn't matter what the guy's age is, or the reasons why they like to do this. You should rather ask why you would send a guy half naked pictures (or whatever). I wouldn't do it even if you paid me.

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I'd ditch the guy. Boom! Done.

 

I'd reconsider my avenues for meeting men. I'd go for a screen-before-meeting approach with dating apps, and I'd use a quick meet to screen even more before dating. Anyone who'd show me such lousy judgment in asking for pics would be a 'next...'.

 

Don't get gaslighted into believing that this is 'normal' or 'harmless'.

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Can someone please explain? Seem the order is : Meet girl, get number, get sexy photo.....not sure what happens after that. Is it a test of sorts?

 

Not for quality men, it isn't.

 

Unfortunately, it seems these men can sniff out your vulnerability and think they can convince you to comply. You need to not engage with them anymore after they start down that route.

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Was this through OLD? How do you know each other?

 

It's simple, don't be an amateur porn star, if it's not what you want. Shut down horndogs like this and move on.

 

It almost sounds like you're a bit flattered by it more so than wondering how prevalent it is.

 

My advice about this phenomenon remains the same.

 

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=566774&p=7250672&viewfull=1#post7250672

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Times have changed to a certain extent, but respect is respect.

 

It sounds like your new friend has had some success in getting girls to send sexy photos of themselves after he treats them them to bottle service at a club.

 

It really tells you a lot about the kind of guy he is.

 

No offense, but you've been scraping the bottom of the barrel with these two guys.

 

Do you not believe that better men exist? Do you not believe that you can do better?

 

Don't do stupid things out of loneliness ;)

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When I used dating sites for about 5 years (ending in 2005) the second I was asked I moved on. The second I was asked anything sexual I moved on and didn't meet the person. I met a few people out of the over 100 I met in person who were inappropriate on the date (in public) so I ended the date early and didn't see them again . And moved on. Of course there will be men who ask lots of things -women do that too - not always sexual - they ask inappropriate questions about money, they insist on expensive restaurants to get a free meal, they lie about their age - just like any stranger you meet there will always be some bad apples. That's the risk of dating.

 

Who cares if he is a lawyer and wealthy - there are obnoxious unemployed people, obnoxious school custodians, obnoxious rocket scientists. Nothing to do with job or money or gender.

 

I only exchanged one or two messages before meeting and one or two phone calls and I was able to screen out almost all of the offensive jerky types. - that was a skill I built on and developed as I didn't want to waste my time

 

I wouldn't do a first meet with bottle service etc -stay sober, have him stay sober -do something inexpensive or free, public and short. It's not a date. Good luck!

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They may ask. they won't get. lol that's been my thoughts on it. And on a more positive note, its a great red flag right out the gate. No time wasted.

 

Yes it can be discouraging. you are hoping for better. However, one thing I know for sure, a great guy with your best interests and healthy intentions is NOT going to ask for nude pics like this. So no big loss.

 

I don't care if "everyone is asking". this will never be normal to me.

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I second this ^ Any woman who falls for this should be aware that there is a huge chance that the guy will share these pictures with all of their friends and eventually could end up all over the www. It really doesn't matter what the guy's age is, or the reasons why they like to do this. You should rather ask why you would send a guy half naked pictures (or whatever). I wouldn't do it even if you paid me.

 

There you go, OP. Your naked photos could end up going around the world indefinitely and do you really want that? DONT send this guy any photos. Also, how do you know he's actually a lawyer? I could say I am a lawyer too, how would you know?

 

Watch who you are talking to in bars.

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You keep asking, "is this normal", which means that you aren't very clear in your own mind about what is and isn't acceptable you.

 

What does that mean for you? It means that you can be talked into things you don't actually want to do, aka poor boundaries. Assorted creeps, losers, and users can smell weak and wobbly boundaries a mile away, because those with weak boundaries can be manipulated.

 

Please for the love of....stop asking if it's normal and learn how to cut these creeps off immediately. Don't keep entertaining their bs because all you are doing is encouraging poor behavior. Even if you are looking for a one night stand or something casual, show some self respect and expect to be treated with respect and don't settle or entertain anything less.

 

If you want to meet more decent men, then join a tennis club or hiking, or any kind of sport. You'll find that at least half the people there are men and since they are active, they tend to be in better shape physically as well. Big bonus. If funds are a problem, try meetup groups for the same. You really will meet better quality men who aren't asking your for nudes and treating you like a free prostitute.

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Is it normal to run into pervs and jerks? yes. They have been around since the beginning of time. It's up to us women to set standards for ourselves, and boundaries, also to determine if it's acceptable/ ok, or inappropriate, turn off. Some women are ok with such activity, but it doesn't mean your core values should adjust to this. Like everyone has said, pass on these guys and block/delete.

 

About the lawyer, the wolf in a expensive suit.....when a guy tries to bedazzle you with his generosity, that's a big red flag. Don't worry, you will get through this. It's a learn as you go process.

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I have dated and met a fair amount of women and I hear the same story over and over again from about 33% of them.

 

They meet a guy for a coffee date/first meet and then go on 1 or 2 real dates some days later. After the date they go back to their house or his house leave the room to use the bathroom and when they come back the guy is either standing there with his junk out or sitting on the couch with it out. Mind you this wasn't after some make out session or anything, just a nice date.

 

So I thought this was the same guy over and over again but it wasn't. I wouldn't dream of doing this but obviously there are people out there that do. I blame too much porn brainwashing these guys into thinking it is real. Just take it out and the women's eyes will grow wide and jump on you. If you are wondering what each of these women did when faced with the Seinfeld "He took it out" episode they all threw the guy the F out and told him to never contact them again.

 

These men (young or older) view things differently. That does not mean you need to indulge them just to get a date.

 

Of course if you want to share naughty pics and videos of yourself then by all means go for it. Not very fulfilling though but to each his/her own right?

 

What I have concluded is that this must work on some women so they keep doing it. I haven't figured out what the end game is though...

 

smackie is very correct that you will learn as you go and just laugh at these guys and have some funny stories to tell your girlfriends.

 

Lost

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Well said DF.

 

"Please for the love of....stop asking if it's normal and learn how to cut these creeps off immediately. Don't keep entertaining their bs because all you are doing is encouraging poor behavior. Even if you are looking for a one night stand or something casual, show some self respect and expect to be treated with respect and don't settle or entertain anything less.

 

If you want to meet more decent men, then join a tennis club or hiking, or any kind of sport. You'll find that at least half the people there are men and since they are active, they tend to be in better shape physically as well. Big bonus. If funds are a problem, try meetup groups for the same. You really will meet better quality men who aren't asking your for nudes and treating you like a free prostitute."

 

Exactly Smackie: "pervs and jerks".

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I have dated and met a fair amount of women and I hear the same story over and over again from about 33% of them.

 

They meet a guy for a coffee date/first meet and then go on 1 or 2 real dates some days later. After the date they go back to their house or his house leave the room to use the bathroom and when they come back the guy is either standing there with his junk out or sitting on the couch with it out. Mind you this wasn't after some make out session or anything, just a nice date.

 

So I thought this was the same guy over and over again but it wasn't. I wouldn't dream of doing this but obviously there are people out there that do. I blame too much porn brainwashing these guys into thinking it is real. Just take it out and the women's eyes will grow wide and jump on you. If you are wondering what each of these women did when faced with the Seinfeld "He took it out" episode they all threw the guy the F out and told him to never contact them again.

 

These men (young or older) view things differently. That does not mean you need to indulge them just to get a date.

 

Of course if you want to share naughty pics and videos of yourself then by all means go for it. Not very fulfilling though but to each his/her own right?

 

What I have concluded is that this must work on some women so they keep doing it. I haven't figured out what the end game is though...

 

smackie is very correct that you will learn as you go and just laugh at these guys and have some funny stories to tell your girlfriends.

 

Lost

 

So often the problem is that the couple doesn't communicate intentions and expectations in advance especially if this is the first or second real date. When I decided to be in private with a new man -typically after 4 dates and no we would not have sex then, ever, I said simply and directly "I'm looking forward to dinner at your house. I'm not ready to have sex with you yet and wanted to make sure I didn't give you the wrong impression by going to your place" Matter of fact tone. I was sexually assaulted once and I'm not sure if I said that in advance. Second date, originally met him on line. Investment banker, ivy educated, handsome. So? Big deal. I did go into his bedroom and did tell him then -no sex - he tried to force himself on me twice -I said no twice -he stopped at my third "no" -he went onto harass other women over the years and I think I helped get him kicked off Eharmony. I don't blame myself but I know I was even more careful after that. I also think it happens more often when alcohol is involved. Not blaming at all -just if you're not sober you might not be communicating boundaries/intentions clearly. So the man might think the woman wants him to get undressed.

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I mean, define normal? Is it a common practice for men of all ages to ask for sexy photos/send d$ck pics/say dirty things over text? Yes. There have always been men that have more of a sleeze factor than others in this world... it's just become far easier for them to communicate their desires with the invention of online communication. And as someone else said... meeting men in a bar isn't the best way to meet someone with the intent of getting to know you beyond your physical appearance. Focus on meeting them in places where you can focus on getting to know each other through conversation.

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Can someone please explain? Seem the order is : Meet girl, get number, get sexy photo.....not sure what happens after that. Is it a test of sorts?

 

Yes, it's a test that applies to anyone who chooses to fall for it. The majority of the time it seems to work with women who have low self-worth, and feel this is all they have to offer.

 

In short, they ask for sexy photos because they can, and it usually works, but you already know this.

 

JMO...

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Yes, it's a test that applies to anyone who chooses to fall for it. The majority of the time it seems to work with women who have low self-worth, and feel this is all they have to offer.

 

I agree. It's an odds thing. My Dad told me in my 20's that people who ask for what they want will suffer whatever percent of rejections before they get it--but if they don't ask, they'll never get it.

 

So, someone who is only 'in this' for getting his rocks off will just set up as many people as possible with whom to go vulgar. Those who go along with this are either into the same thing, OR they'll screen themselves out, OR they have a low enough bar to accept anything--even if it makes them feel lousy. (Hint: The last pool is the one to stay out of.)

 

Instead, I'd rather flip the table and view 'vulgar' as a guy screening himself out, which only makes screening easier for me.

 

Once we can grasp that the odds of finding 'What We Want' is a needle-in-a-haystack pursuit that requires screening and purposeful communication about what we're seeking UP FRONT, we can roll with rejections as nothing more than hit-or-miss mismatches. It's not a reflection on us whenever someone doesn't own the capacity to view our value through the same lens that we've chosen to adopt for ourselves.

 

Self respect is not 'uncool,' it's smart. It avoids a candle-in-the-wind approach to dating, because it's not vulnerable to pressures to appear to be who we are not.

 

Decide what YOU want, and from there, remaining true to yourself and THAT pursuit won't be difficult. It will be your North Star, and you will thank yourself for it sooner rather than later.

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I guess the answer is this normal would be: Yes it is normal for them to ask for dirty pics since they are in fact asking for them. BUT that does not mean it has to be accepted by the person on the receiving end of the request.

 

Getting back into dating after a period of absence is always an eye opener and a learning experience for everyone.

 

When a guy asks you to send him a pic of your p____, send him a picture of a cat instead.

 

This is only a problem if you make it one. Like Catfeeder said, it just helps weed out the guys you don't want to date.

 

Trying to understand it is a waste of time and even if you did what would that change. Isn't dating still the same but with different communication?

 

See some guy you think is attractive, talk, exchange info, have a coffee date and then a real date. How you first meet doesn't really matter. Now inserting exchanging nude pics in-between exchange numbers and coffee date might be their new normal but it certainly is not mainstream....yet

 

I think you are going to be more shocked by other things guys do than this.

 

What would you consider your ideal normal dating experience?

 

Lost

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No, it's not normal. I'm wondering if this also has something to do with the vibe you're giving off when you meet men. People will try their luck, any which way, if they think they can get lucky. For some reason this schmuck thought that asking you wouldn't offend you or you wouldn't throw your wine at him. It is disrespectful so don't put up with it if it doesn't feel right to you.

 

Get rid of this guy.

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