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Girlfriend refuses to discuss finances


Wtk309

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I didnt lock her out of the house. She got mad and left around 11pm, she didn't say where she was going or when she would be back. I went to bed at 2am and like a normal person I locked the door. She came home at some time after that and found the door locked.

I woke up around 430 to go to the bathroom and seen her car outside. She was asleep and I woke her up and let her in.

No, I didnt lock anyone out of the house.

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are you her partner or her parent?

 

Maybe over time you have normalized all this but as an outsider, this situation seems like torture.

 

being on psychological medication should require the patient to have regular sessions with their doctor. Sadly, this is not always required.

 

From what you've written this woman is incapable of functioning as an adult. She can't keep a key. She can't hold a conversation. She can't track her business financials. which by the way, how is she filing taxes?

 

And the worst part? You've taken responsibility for all this. Why?

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I would ask the same question Lambert.

 

"From what you've written this woman is incapable of functioning as an adult. She can't keep a key. She can't hold a conversation. She can't track her business financials. which by the way, how is she filing taxes?

 

And the worst part? You've taken responsibility for all this. Why?

 

None of this situation makes any sense, OP. Why would you want to live like this?

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You don't want her to volunteer - otherwise you wouldn't be on her so much.

 

You chose this when she moved in -- you were paying all the bills and didn't set up anything different.

 

I think you should NOT ask for "rent". You have her living with you as the mother of your child, not a roommate.

She also is NOT on the mortgage. So to me, she should not be paying a penny of the mortgage. You are the one reaping the equity, not her.

And pay for childcare! provide for your kid!

 

Alternatively, asking her in a noncombative way - to take on a bill. Let her choose between the cable bill or some other bill and put her name on it (i don't recommend heat or electricity for starters, something if it got shut off, the kids would not be without heat, etc.) Let her be responsible and take ownership over something. "i need your help. Instead of me asking for money, would you take over the x bill or x - i can put it in your name and i won't bug you about it" If she wants the kids to do some above and beyond extracurricular that has nothing to do with academics, say "i don't have the money - if you can help me come up with it - they can sign up for it"

 

 

It does NOT work with one bf/gf playing the "bill collector" on the other.

 

It does work if you say no to the extras -- if you have to say no, she may get into gear and come up with the money

 

Is she at home caring for the kids?

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It's odd that she doesn't lose her car keys, yet she "loses" her house key just around the time you want her to pay rent.

 

Sorry but the relationship is toxic. You are not a victim here. You agreed she would take care of the kids, household etc. and now you're upset about paying for childcare so you want reimbursement.

 

If you want a better household budget, talk to your ex about child support and custody. Cut back on luxuries, etc..

 

But taking away your partners/mother of your child house keys and making her sleep in her car is toxic.

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So she is your partner, mother of your child, and all the sudden, she now needs to pay rent and such? Are you interested in another girl, and looking to make her out to be a bad person in your mind? Or are you becoming broke, and you need her to chip in, but don't want to say?

 

You have her move in to watch the kids, and she is not hired help, and agreed to pay for all, but now you're mad? Smells like you have a crush on someone else.

 

Locking her out, so she sleeps in her car, think about how the kids felt when you did that. That was completely abusive. She isn't a mail order bride or steak you just order.

 

And until you have plans to marry, or got a ring on it, you have zero right to look at her finances regardless of how messy they are.

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So she is your partner, mother of your child, and all the sudden, she now needs to pay rent and such? Are you interested in another girl, and looking to make her out to be a bad person in your mind? Or are you becoming broke, and you need her to chip in, but don't want to say?

 

You have her move in to watch the kids, and she is not hired help, and agreed to pay for all, but now you're mad? Smells like you have a crush on someone else.

 

Locking her out, so she sleeps in her car, think about how the kids felt when you did that. That was completely abusive. She isn't a mail order bride or steak you just order.

 

And until you have plans to marry, or got a ring on it, you have zero right to look at her finances regardless of how messy they are.

 

That is what i am thinking. When i a kid and my next oldest sibling was tiny -- mom did not bring one penny of income into the home -- she created money by being frugal - the benefit to having her home with us far outweighed her working and "earning her keep". he chose to be a provider for his family - his child, his girlfriend and her first child. I am unclear how old the kids are. I don't know if she works part time or what, but I am darned sure if I lived with a guy and I had no ownership on the house and he constantly was bugging me to pay 'rent' i would be darned sure i scraped together a bit of money because if he drops me, i have nothing

 

I was in an abusive marriage. My ex flushed the copies of vehicle keys so i could not go anywhere, picked up the vehicles with his family and because he had the keys, and he took the house phone also as punishment.

 

Honestly, if she were smart she would leave YOU.

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