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Travnicka
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Hi All, I have a question.

 

I have a male coworker that acts weird around me.

So when I first started at this company I was heavier and the gyms had not opened yet due to Covid, but when they did, I lost 11kgs, started working out regularly, I have gained muscle, I am fit and I eat as clean as possible. I have changed my wardrobe and am generally more confident in myself. He spoke to me for the first time in June this year and he started asking me if I was married, etc and I said no, I’ve been single for 6 years - he asked why, I said because I don’t want what other people want...I am in my 30s and want to move overseas after COVID. Anyway, so that was the first time we spoke and we have spoken maybe 4 more times since then. He tends to look at me and then look away quickly if I end up looking back. I break eye contact most of the time because I am on the phone or dealing with something. We share a common thing which is we both train at the gym but not at the same gym.

He only speaks to me when I speak to him first. TBH I say hi first cause I don’t want it to be AWKWARD. All my coworkers tell me he is a womaniser - I also think he is seeing someone else so this is weird for me.

Long story short, I have been busy lately with everything and haven’t being paying attention etc. He does this weird thing where he won’t look @ me when I speak to him - he will look straight ahead or he has his phone on him almost all the time and when we end up in the lunch room, I try to be friendly but not flirty. I got flowers from one of my clients and he said “do I need to step in here?” I said no. Lately he gives me death stares almost.

The other day we were in the lunch room with 3 of my female co workers and he turned away from us so that he wasn’t looking at us.

I don’t want to date him or anything I just hate weirdness that’s all.

Any ideas on is going on?

Look forward to someone’s opinion and/or advice.

 

Cheers,Ena :eek:

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Ok, you've made it crystal clear that you're not interested so now you can both enjoy just being co-workers, talking about general interests etc. Just stay professional and don't date at work, especially "womanizers"

he started asking me if I was married, etc and I said no, I’ve been single for 6 years - he asked why, I said because I don’t want what other people want...I am in my 30s and want to move overseas after COVID.
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Do you think he may be interested in you? Is that what you're saying?

 

I think two things may be at play. One, he is an odd guy or two, you are connecting events and making it weird. I venture to bet any time you watch a person closely, their behavior will seem odd. I think of myself. I'm talking to myself, I got a list of tasks in my head, I get distracted and forget what I was doing. Lol. If someone were to be watching? I'm pretty odd or just as odd as anyone else.

 

He may have turned his back on you and others because he didn't want to impose or appear to be eavesdropping. I've walked right past people I know because they looked to be discussing something.

 

He may be playing a little game, it may just seem like it to you. The best advice I can give is to stop playing with him. Don't say hi first. Why is that awkward? He's not asking hi, your not saying hi. He may have just talked to briefly at work out if curiosity. Blow the guy off.

 

A good general rule to follow: mixed signals = not

really interested.

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So, he's socially weird. You will work with all types wherever you work. I know I do. I wouldn't speak to him about your personal life any longer, because only people you feel comfortable with should get that part of you. If a person wouldn't even look at me when I'm talking to them, I wouldn't even bother being the first to engage. Have your magazine handy or listen to music with earbuds in the lunchroom so you don't feel the need to speak to him just to break what you think is awkwardness.

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If he wanted to date you he would have asked you out on a date. He might find you sexually attractive and he might like flirting with you. So he is interested in looking at you and interested in flirting with you. None of this means he is interested in dating you. And you told him a long time ago you're not interested in getting involved in a relationship with anyone -so why do you care how he acts around you? Is it because you feel he's harassing you in the workplace -if so consider going to your supervisor. Is it because you want the flattery because you chose to get into better shape? If you like the ego gratification/flattery I suggest finding it outside the workplace -too many downsides in the workplace because it's either downright unprofessional or headed that way.

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IHe spoke to me for the first time in June this year and he started asking me if I was married, etc and I said no, I’ve been single for 6 years - he asked why, I said because I don’t want what other people want...I am in my 30s and want to move overseas after COVID. Anyway, so that was the first time we spoke and we have spoken maybe 4 more times since then. He tends to look at me and then look away quickly if I end up looking back. I break eye contact most of the time because I am on the phone or dealing with something. We share a common thing which is we both train at the gym but not at the same gym.

He only speaks to me when I speak to him first. TBH I say hi first cause I don’t want it to be AWKWARD. All my coworkers tell me he is a womaniser - I also think he is seeing someone else so this is weird for me.

Long story short, I have been busy lately with everything and haven’t being paying attention etc. He does this weird thing where he won’t look @ me when I speak to him - he will look straight ahead or he has his phone on him almost all the time and when we end up in the lunch room, I try to be friendly but not flirty. I got flowers from one of my clients and he said “do I need to step in here?” I said no. Lately he gives me death stares almost.

The other day we were in the lunch room with 3 of my female co workers and he turned away from us so that he wasn’t looking at us.

I don’t want to date him or anything I just hate weirdness that’s all.

Any ideas on is going on?

Look forward to someone’s opinion and/or advice.

 

I'm not really seeing any messages, to be honest, let alone mixed messages. Just some behavioral idiosyncrasies.

 

If you're not interested in him romantically, just focus on strategies that will help you ignore it. You can't control other people's behavior, so this is really the only option that you have.

 

Since he only speaks to you when you speak to him first, it should be relatively easy to limit communication.

 

If you are feeling threatened by his behavior, tell other people about it. Make sure that other people know. Your manager and the HR department, especially.

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Going on with what Waffle said, I also found this rather odd:

 

Rather personal sort of question, if only starting to talk to you, particularly that "why". .

 

"he started asking me if I was married, etc and I said no, I’ve been single for 6 years - he asked why, I said because I don’t want what other people want..."

 

One needs a quick comeback with such people along the lines of:

 

"And yourself. Are you married, and if not why not".? Very effective.

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To be really honest I don't even see particularly many signs that he's interested in you. He made some conversation once and seemed to want to know if you were single, but he hasn't actually even really spoken to you since. I think if he was interested, he would be making more conversation. He probably is just a womaniser and he flirted with you a bit just because that's what he does. I probably wouldn't worry too much about it and just carry on with your work.

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No. I don’t find him attractive but we are now forced to communicate because our mutual client is using my services and his and it’s awkward AF on his end. I’m not nervous around him or attracted to him in anyway.

 

This is work not a tea party. Work interactions can feel awkward because they're not social. You're not forced to communicate about anything else except work. So keep it completely professional and if you do the awkwardness will be greatly decreased.

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This is work not a tea party. Work interactions can feel awkward because they're not social. You're not forced to communicate about anything else except work. So keep it completely professional and if you do the awkwardness will be greatly decreased.

 

Oh I know it’s not a tea party.

Let’s hope it decreases :)

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Oh I know it’s not a tea party.

Let’s hope it decreases :)

 

Well I know and your preoccupation with the "awkwardness" doesn't have to be that way -because if he won't communicate with you about strictly work without making inappropriate comments ,then tell him to cut it out. If he won't go to your supervisor or HR. I'm not suggesting you "hope" -I'm suggesting you on your part only speak of work related stuff. If you do that then there's no room for personal talk. If his body language is inappropriate do your best to tune it out unless it is also inappropriate for the workplace.

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I think it’s because I hate awkwardness in general. I tend to talk out any issues that I have with people.
This might be the lesson here.... you might like to handle things a certain way in your life, with your friends, your family, etc.

 

However, life doesn't always conform to our comforts... learn to live with awkward and you got a new life skill. And soon enough being award won't be a problem, you'll recognize it and it'll pass all on its own.

 

you're giving him and this situation too much attention.

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Have you read any books or material on dealing with difficult people at work? There's tons of great info out there.

 

If he's awkward/ creepy all you can do is keep it as professional as possible. Be cordial polite and stay very busy. Stop personal chitchatting.

 

You can't change people and calling them out for awkwardness is not your job.

 

Your job is staying professional, side-stepping personal chitchat and reading up on the best way to contend with all sorts of personalities and situations at work.

I think it’s because I hate awkwardness in general. I tend to talk out any issues that I have with people.
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