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I started hooking up with this trans girl. I ended up falling for her hard. I ended up pouring my heart out to her we hook up one last time. Next time I see her she shuts me down and says things are getting serious with someone else. I didn't think I'd see her again, but a day later she hits me up later and says she wants to be friends. About a month and a half go by and we have these long talks and we are getting closer. Then she has a emergency and I help her through it. She starts to become dependent on me and we sexually play with each other, but no sex. I end up telling her to that I need to focus on my own life if she doesn't choose me. She reaffirms her commitment to her boyfriend. We hangout a couple times next week, but I'm kind of in a bad mood. The week after that she hits me up and she has sex with me. We have sex normally, but she keeps saying we are blurring lines. I also know she is sleeping with random guys. I know she loves me and I love her. I'm not looking to find someone else. I'm more interested in thoughts on how this will play out.

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I started hooking up with this trans girl. I ended up falling for her hard. I ended up pouring my heart out to her we hook up one last time. Next time I see her she shuts me down and says things are getting serious with someone else. I didn't think I'd see her again, but a day later she hits me up later and says she wants to be friends. About a month and a half go by and we have these long talks and we are getting closer. Then she has a emergency and I help her through it. She starts to become dependent on me and we sexually play with each other, but no sex. I end up telling her to that I need to focus on my own life if she doesn't choose me. She reaffirms her commitment to her boyfriend. We hangout a couple times next week, but I'm kind of in a bad mood. The week after that she hits me up and she has sex with me. We have sex normally, but she keeps saying we are blurring lines. I also know she is sleeping with random guys. I know she loves me and I love her. I'm not looking to find someone else. I'm more interested in thoughts on how this will play out.

 

Sorry but unless you are all polyamorous then how can she love you if she chooses her boyfriend and also sleeps with other guys? I think you're just telling yourself what you want to hear. If she loved you, she would pick you and ditch all the other people she's seeing. It doesn't really seem like she wants to be with you or in a serious relationship in general. Sounds like she just wants to play the field.

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She actually told me she loved me on multiple occasions. She met the other guy first and that's why she's with him. She actually tried really hard to stay faithful to the other guy, but she can't get everything she wants from him.

 

I think her definition of love is completely different from yours.

 

I don't buy for a moment that she's "trying hard to stay faithful", either. She's a selfish person and playing both you and her boyfriend for fools, OP.

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How will this play out? Simple. She will continue to jerk you around for as long as you let her. It will end when one of you gets bored/ finds someone else. In the meantime you are making the informed choice of accommodating a cheater. Even if you were to become the boyfriend past behaviour is indication of future behaviour. It's naive to think that she would treat you any better when the time comes when she "can't get everything she wants" from you. What you see is what you will get. The million dollar question is why all this messy drama and being jerked around appeals to you so much...

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I'm not trying to control her. I knew who she was day one and accepted it. I love her more than anything. I don't care about what traditional realtionships should be. I've never been traditional anyways. I could see myself spending the rest of my life with this person. This is something I never thought before.

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She actually told me she loved me on multiple occasions. She met the other guy first and that's why she's with him. She actually tried really hard to stay faithful to the other guy, but she can't get everything she wants from him.

 

She sounds like a "great" catch. She is a cheat and a liar! If you are looking for someone to commit to you, then you should find someone else.

 

I feel sorry for her bf!

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Not being told what you want to hear doesn't mean the advice isn't "objective". We're strangers. You can't get more objective than that.

 

How can you build a life with someone who will be having sex with other people the entire time? You sincerely want to share her with whomever she decides to sleep with?

 

I most certainly hope you are using condoms and getting regular Covid tests. Trying to hang onto this woman shouldn't cost you your life.

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The realtionship between me and her is based on transparency. We are open and honest about everything and accept each other as we are and help each other improve. All this so called advice is just negative energy. I'd prefer an objective assessment.

 

I think that her bf believes the same-time to get your head out of the sand. She sounds like a terrible partner and friend. She is not be trusted and does what benefits her.

 

I don't think much of your part in this either. You are choosing to have a "relationship" with someone who has a partner. Would you like someone to do this to you?

 

Find better friends and address your own character issues.

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What goes around really does come around. I think you're here because of those emotions you're feeling for her and it's starting to feel uncomfortable knowing that she's with her boyfriend or other men. You're in denial but you care about her. If things were good the way they are and you're happy, there would be no need to hear anyone's advice or input.

 

Take care of yourself a little more. Keep engaging with people (friends and family) who care about you. There are different ways to live. I think we make choices every day on that - whether it's what we eat, when we sleep, how we care for ourselves, the people we interact with or those we choose to be in relationships with. You can make healthier choices and lift yourself up or take what comes your way with all the complications and issues and sink downwards.

 

Those emotions will get the better of you the longer you stay in this and you'll regret the time you've wasted on someone who couldn't or wouldn't treat you better. If you feel confused, I don't blame you. Time to start thinking your way out of this, not just feeling. Write if it helps to write.

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I've come to terms with the other guy. I love her. If I didn't I would have left a long time ago. I feel like people are getting a bad impression of her while knowing very little about her. I know she has her issues, but I love her in spite of them. If I leave I probably won't find someone else. I'll just focus on my own goals.

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Here is your clue as to how this will play out:

 

She actually tried really hard to stay faithful to the other guy, but she can't get everything she wants from him.

 

Hers are the actions of a self-centered and greedy person.

 

It's not hard to stay faithful if you want to stay faithful.

 

Do you know if she is as transparent with her boyfriend as she is with you? Does he know she sleeps with random men?

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OK, so what advice are you actually wanting? Relationships can be in different forms and the key to making them work or not is whether all people involved are fine with what's going on and feel happy. There are people who are in all kinds of relationships. Some are in FWB and as long as they are both happy and open, all good. Some people are polyamorous and have many partners and everyone is fine with it. You say you're fine with her having a boyfriend and seeing other guys. Yet you're posting on this forum and you want advice. So obviously you are not 100% happy or fine with it? If you were then it wouldn't bother you and you wouldn't be posting here.

 

What would you like people to say to you? It's actually not clear what kind of advice you're looking for. My objective opinion is that this girl either doesn't love you and she's not really looking for an actual relationship (at least not with you). Or that she's polyamorous and she's the type of person who dates many people. It doesn't seem to me that she will be with only one person, that's not what she wants. So she won't be seeing only you. Whether she actually loves you or not, we don't know of course because we're just strangers on the internet. If you're OK and feel happy about the arrangement you have with her, there is no harm in continuing. As long as you're having safe sex, because remember she's sleeping with others. If you're not happy and you want her to see only you, I don't think that's going to happen. So your options are to fully accept the situation, or to leave. You won't get this girl all to yourself. She's made that clear. So the choice is yours what you want.

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she shuts me down and says things are getting serious with someone else.

 

I can only speak for myself. I'm not triangle material. I'd tell her that I respect her choice, and that's why I'm walking away while we both still think highly of one another. If she ever changes her mind and wants the same level of commitment that I want from her, she can let me know. Otherwise, I wish her the best, and she should not contact me. Period.

 

This is self respect for What You Want. It leaves your door open if she wants to give that to you. Settling for anything less is an unfortunate way of ensuring that you will never get it.

 

Head high, and reach for your best dignity. You will thank yourself later.

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I've been around a while and seen the world. She was the only person I could see spending the rest of my life with. It was never the ideal situation, but I had to go for the once in a lifetime opportunity. I was willing to stay friends with her and be patient while she tried with the other guy. She was always the one that made the first move. Update she shut me down again and recommited to her boyfriend and I'm kind of devastated.

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She was honest with me the whole time. She is kind of a sex addict, but I knew that before. She shuts me down because she keep wanting to make things work with her bf. She also said my timing was bad and if she meet me first things would be different. To honest it is either her or nobody. I even told her I'd save myself for her.

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She was honest with me the whole time. She is kind of a sex addict, but I knew that before. She shuts me down because she keep wanting to make things work with her bf. She also said my timing was bad and if she meet me first things would be different. To honest it is either her or nobody. I even told her I'd save myself for her.
I think you're letting yourself be manipulated. To say if she met you first, is a cop out. Kind of ridiculous really. A way to put you off but not own it.

 

Being honest is not always the end all, be all mark of a good person or a trustworthy person. oh you can trust them to be honest, do what they think is best for them and be honest about it.

 

But a good person had integrity to not use people for their own needs and then make excuses. she knew she met him first all along.... it's one thing to say to a person, I'm flattered by your interest but I am with someone.

 

Its totally different to have sex with someone and then say, well, you knew I met him first.

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She was honest with me the whole time. She is kind of a sex addict, but I knew that before. She shuts me down because she keep wanting to make things work with her bf. She also said my timing was bad and if she meet me first things would be different. To honest it is either her or nobody. I even told her I'd save myself for her.

 

This is sad.

 

Why don't you believe anyone else will ever love you?

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