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First time poster, and I really need advice.

 

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for over 6 years, but this past year, we have been fighting nonstop. Mostly the fights are about living stituations (I told him I don’t want to live in his parents yard forever), having attitudes with one another, him going to the bars with his/our friends (& never inviting me), his friends talking about me, and some other odds and ends. Essentially, almost every fight results in him telling me to leave (move back to my parents). I have packed several times and gotten ready to leave, where he then explodes and says that he doesn’t want me to leave but I’m the one that wants this (yet he always tells me to leave). Trust me, I don’t want that. But he always turns it around on me. Saying that I want to leave, and he has also made comments that I want him dead. This has been going on for almost a year. I’m at wits end. He tells me to leave at least 4-5 times a week.

 

On a side note - everything was fine until he got a new job to where he’s actually home every day. He used to be gone for a couple weeks at a time. But now he tells me that I annoy him and that he has a short fuse with me. He has gotten so angry that he has punched a hole in our wall, broken a picture frame that was of me and him, thrown several items at me, etc.

 

I’m not trying to play the blame game. I know I’m at fault too. However, I never tell him that I’m going to leave. I try to talk things out with him, but he never will talk with me. Every time I try to get answers for his anger, it just makes him more upset, which makes me more upset. Recently he told me that he wants me to leave a lot of times, but then a part of him doesn’t want me too. He says he still loves me and I know he would never cheat on me. He says he is not sure what he wants.

 

I guess the question is, do I leave anyway? Or do I stay and try to make it work for the hundredth time. It just seems like nothing ever gets better. I feel so stressed and defeated. I love him with everything and I just want my old boyfriend back. Please be honest with what you think.

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I think of love as involuntary and a natural response to others or someone we are affectionate for or care about. It happens anyway whether we want it to happen or not. What you choose, on the other hand, whether to stay or go, speak or not speak, take action or no action is a choice made by an individual and we are all individuals made up of many choices, independent of what we may feel for someone.

 

What's your gut feeling telling you?

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Throwing things at you should be a dealbreaker in itself. He doesn't truly care about you, not inviting you to outings with his friends.

 

It's fine for couples to spend some time apart. But it sounds like this is overdone on his part, and a guy having his main source of entertainment as barhopping wouldn't be anyone I'd be interested in. He doesn't shut his friends down when they badmouth you.

 

If you think this should be your lifetime partner, you have extremely low self esteem and zero standards. It's really sad, reading this. Don't you deserve better?

 

Tuck this under your belt as a youthful mistake. Go back home. Be alone and work on yourself and your self worth. Have some fun being free, since you've been tied down to toxic waste probably much of your youth. The shiny new year awaits for new possibilities. Take care.

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(yet he always tells me to leave).

 

Can't speak for you, only for myself. This is all I would need to actually do it, and without looking back. The abuse only drives that home, but I'd have left him in the dust early enough to avoid that.

 

You can't fix this. A counselor can't fix this. There is no magic wand.

 

When you involve yourself with an abuser, the only hope you have to change your life is to get yourself out of that. Period.

 

If you need help, contact domestic violence.org for a referral to a local agency, and get the help.

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JL.

 

"he tells me that I annoy him and that he has a short fuse with me. He has gotten so angry that he has punched a hole in our wall, broken a picture frame that was of me and him, thrown several items at me, etc."

 

Does any of this sound even remotely normal?

 

And this:

 

" I feel so stressed and defeated. I love him with everything "

 

OP, if it hurts it isn't love. What is there to love in this abusive individual?

 

Take the good advice you are being given here. Leave and get yourself a better life.

 

You got excellent advice on your other thread

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=566874

 

 

As Bolt said above:

 

"You are in a toxic, abusive relationship.

 

This relationship will be exactly as it is right now, forever. Do you want "forever" of this?"

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