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I think I need to learn how to relax...


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Sorry guys it's me again. You can read my old posts to see how much of a mess I am. I don't even mean to get into these situations.

 

It's my friend again. We didn't talk for months, because of something stupid. I didn't block him, but I erased his number and unfriended, just to let myself get over him. But he's back, again, and for a few weeks, I was doing really well staying indifferent. I didn't text him or call him, if he texted, I would answer, but you know, I wasn't like I usually am. I did so good for awhile. And even now, I still have my guard up, but it's getting really hard. He calls me and texts me all the time. Then last week, we had this long talk about how he doesn't feel good enough for anyone and how he wishes that he could find someone that he could talk to and that it's so hard being alone. And then my dumb self told him that I would be with him if he were here and if I didn't come with so much baggage. But I told him that I wish that I could find someone like him and that I would be with him in a heartbeat (I'm so stupid and desperate, I know 😩😩). He didn't really answer, at first. Then he said that I didn't have that much baggage and that he could deal with it. Then he said "you never know what the future holds.". Then the next morning, he calls me at like 6, asking if I could call out of work, that he was going to come down. 😩. So had we been 20 still, I would have, but Im one a few leads at a retail store, we were starting our black friday sales and we're down a lead. I couldn't call out. And I felt so bad, I told him to come down anyway, but he said it was ok. (Ugh, I feel like I either dodged a bullet or missed out...I can't decide)...

 

But I feel like I need to learn how to chill out and live in the moment. I feel like I always take everything that people say and run with it, sometimes ruining what could have been because I'm feeling desperate. A part of me, doesn't even want a serious relationship. I don't even know how to have one. I finally left my husband, but I'm at my parents house now. Barely have any privacy. Another part of me, is like, I could definitely use a little fun. Please don't judge me, but I haven't had sex in 3 years. A part of me would be ok if that's all this really was.

 

I would love to talk to him for awhile and see how it goes...take it really slow...relax and just enjoy whatever I get out of this. But I always take little things people say and instead of letting it grow into whatever it may be (whether we grow closer or apart), trying to rush it. How do I learn how to relax and just take things step by step? I only get hurt because I try to rush things. I'm fine when I let things play out and we just grow apart. And I know, if you read my old posts, then you're going to be like please get your life together. Lol, I promise, I'm trying. I took the first step and I honestly tried not get involved with this guy again. But, you know...😩

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I'm not sure why you are so emotional about this. Everyone's situation changes so we adapt. If you want some kind of friendship/relationship with this person, just set boundaries with him when you feel uncomfortable or feel you are becoming unstable. Don't worry about what he thinks, you do it for YOU. Baby steps, on day at a time.

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You're emotional because you're transitioning out of a marriage to a new relationship or casual one. Those feelings are natural. Don't run yourself down so much and slow down with the negative self-talk. It takes practice but you'll get there.

 

He's interested in spending time with you. If you like him, enjoy the company. Keep things lighthearted, or as much as you can, and if you want to cry, cry. If you don't, don't. Every time you feel you may feel emotional or need to unload, think twice and write in a diary or journal instead. He's not obligated to be there. He can walk if he wants to walk so stop worrying about him as you would of a partner or spouse in a marriage.

 

Hope you feel a little better soon.

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