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Im afraid that i might regret breaking up with my boyfriend


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These past weeks we’ve been fighting non stop and made me lose my optimism in this relationship. If I do decide to breakup with him, I would often see him in one of my classes, and I feel as though the guys in our friend group would only be comforting towards him even though they are friendly towards me. I feel as though a may have lost something big if we both ended things. I do admit that i am sometimes problematic as a girlfriend, wherein I let my parents hate him because I often let them see me crying because of him, or times when I become immature and insensitive when im with our friends. I feel as though I wont be much of a loss to him and it scares me because Ive experienced this in my past relationships. I know there are times where he wants the best for me to be better but often times I feel very hurt by his words only for him to say they are meant to motivate me and not hurt me. I would feel very alone if we both breakup since most of my friends are in different countries now for their college and I dont have anyone to be with in campus since all of them are friends with my boyfriend.

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These past weeks we’ve been fighting non stop and made me lose my optimism in this relationship. If I do decide to breakup with him, I would often see him in one of my classes, and I feel as though the guys in our friend group would only be comforting towards him even though they are friendly towards me. I feel as though a may have lost something big if we both ended things. I do admit that i am sometimes problematic as a girlfriend, wherein I let my parents hate him because I often let them see me crying because of him, or times when I become immature and insensitive when im with our friends. I feel as though I wont be much of a loss to him and it scares me because Ive experienced this in my past relationships. I know there are times where he wants the best for me to be better but often times I feel very hurt by his words only for him to say they are meant to motivate me and not hurt me. I would feel very alone if we both breakup since most of my friends are in different countries now for their college and I dont have anyone to be with in campus since all of them are friends with my boyfriend.

 

OP, when reading all of your past threads, you've been in a toxic relationship since the get-go and you should have ended things months ago. You're staying with him for all the wrong reasons. You don't stay with someone just because you fear being lonely or because you fear you won't be a loss to him. You have extremely low self-esteem. Perhaps it's time you look into therapy to help you figure out why you stay in relationships like this and where all the low self-esteem is coming from. You need to sort yourself out first or you'll carry this behaviour with you into all future relationships.

 

Breaking up with him now is GOOD thing. Nothing to regret.

May I ask, how old are you two? You sound very very young., which could explain things.

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I think you're feeling all the same doubts as many would before ending a relationship. Not everyone speaks them outloud. Your fears are valid especially if you feel you won't have enough support from your friends or family. We live in a society that prizes high self-esteem but at what cost. Not everyone has the strength to follow through with such courage before doing what needs to be done.

 

I hope you do what's right for you and find enough courage when you feel bold enough to, even though it may not seem like a lot. I always say you gain confidence anyway, whatever path you choose as long as it's right for you. Find what's right for you and do that. If it means not being with him, then go that way.

 

People... friends, family and everything else falls into place once you make things right for yourself.

 

Be at peace and don't be afraid. Keep us updated.

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This may be the least of the problems with this relationship but you mention him saying things that hurt you and then defending them as intended to motivate you.

 

An equal partnership is not possible when one assumes the role of teacher and forces the other into the role of student.

 

If you sat him down and told him he way of motivating you leaves you feeling unsupported and unloved, would he change how engages with you? Or would he double down and defend his actions. And if the latter, do you really want to make a life long partner of something who knows their actions leave you feeling cut down and continues to act that way anyway?

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Many times you breakup and feel alone, lonely, but we should not feel regretful of the decision. Staying alone and taking the grind all yourself finding your mojo and all, it all makes you brave.

The thing is if you are thinking about it that means the relationship is not meant to be, it's just not healthy for both of you to continue with it.

It's not easy but it does get better.

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Learn early on what abusive relationships look like. Including the cyclical nature.

 

Rebelling against your parents is a poor reason to choose someone.

 

Try your best to get more involved in academics, sports, groups, clubs, hobbies, interests, friends and family.

 

An abusive possessive guy may take up a lot of your time and brain space... But not in a good way.

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Its not normal or healthy to fight all the time nor is it to cry all the time in a relationship.

 

I suspect, if you break it off with this guy, you won't regret it. you will however regret it, if you don't.

 

Time or history together is not a reason to stay in a romantic relationship. yes. it is appropriate to evaluate a situation. To decide the relationship is worth a bump in the road, but one also must learn when to "cut bait".

 

School is a place where the opportunities to meet many other people flourish. I would jump on this opportunity.

 

Forget the friends you share that are obviously his friends. Be polite but take yourself out of that equation. Focus on studies, making new friends, and most importantly. work on yourself and the insecurities you have.

 

You can come out of this situation better than ever.

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You undervalue yourself and you put up with way too much crap.

 

I hope that one day you will figure out that you are worth a lot more than what you have settled for.

 

Unless that day comes, you will probably remain trapped by fear in bad relationships like this.

 

I think you'd better just take a leap of faith and trust in yourself. Break up with this guy and Move On.

 

If you stay with him, or anyone like him, you will probably lose the ability to value yourself altogether.

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If you two are fighting all the time, just spend less time with each other, and learn to disengage/defuse. If he provokes you or you know it's going to lead into an argument, stop yourself and either change the subject or excuse yourself to get out of the situation. Do not get pulled into these arguments, be very aware how they start. You can also say "OK another time." or "I need to go I have_____ to do."

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I feel as though I wont be much of a loss to him and it scares me because Ive experienced this in my past relationships.

 

This is the opposite of a reason to remain with someone. If you suspect that he doesn't value you enough to care about losing you, then what's in it for you to stay?

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