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Hi all,

 

Hope all is well.

 

I need some direction as I keep going back and forth on my decision.

 

To give you some background:

 

I have been living in my current shared apartment for the last 4 years. The first three years were fine as all 3 of us moved in at the same time and had pretty compatible lifestyles. One of the tenants decided to move in December of last year and it has since been a bit of a mess. We had a first replacement who proved to be completely reckless (unpaid bills, alcohol abuse, guests over during lockdown for a nights of drinking & smoking etc..). This person moved out in June and we got a rent decrease which was quite generous. Another tenant moved in and I'm feeling uncomfortable around her and she also doesn't have any issues inviting her boyfriend over during lockdown. She's also a coworker, which is not to my liking (we found her through an ad). The other tenant who has been living there for 4 years as well spends his Friday nights and Saturday afternoons on the couch drinking copious amounts of alcohol and never ever pays bills on time.

 

We were advised there would be a change in landlord as well which may have no implications, but we never know.

 

This lifestyle doesn't suit my anymore. I'm 30 and studying on top of work. I don't want to have the stress of coming home and not knowing what's waiting for me there. Plus, people doing God knows what in the bedroom next door makes me feel uncomfortable. I'm not in college anymore.

 

Anyway. I found a nice one bedroom, brand new furniture, secure and very central for a decent price point. Along with the deposit and first month of rent, it will set me back by about 2.5k. I have about 6 months worth of rent aside. If I don't overspend, I hope to recuperate this amount. There is only 1 bill (electricity) which I know is generally quite cheap. My disposable income post-rent will still remain quite decent and I should be able to still same money.

 

However, I'm scared of taking this risk of increasing my rent during a pandemic even though I know moving out will more than likely improve my mental health, job performance and overall well being. I'm really tired of seeing one person getting drunk on the couch and the other bringing her boyfriend over for the night. They kicked me out of the living room last week when I was having dinner. I've never seen this before. I've been living here 4 years an d contributed more than this new tenant, yet they had no shame in basically kicking me out to have some time (despite not giving a heads up about the guest).

 

I don't have any family who can help me out in case something goes wrong, so I'm petrified of increasing my rent (about 50%), but again, this apartment's price point is reasonable in comparison to what I've seen around (city is quite expensive and there is a housing crisis). Plus, I can't live with roommates forever.

 

What should I do?

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Rivoli.

 

You remark:

 

"I know moving out will more than likely improve my mental health, job performance and overall well being."

 

That is something money can't buy. However, the ultimate decision is yours and yours alone. A leap of faith! This new apartment sounds excellent, and I do recall that you were/are most unhappy in your shared accommodation.

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Anyway. I found a nice one bedroom, brand new furniture, secure and very central for a decent price point. Along with the deposit and first month of rent, it will set me back by about 2.5k. I have about 6 months worth of rent aside. If I don't overspend, I hope to recuperate this amount. There is only 1 bill (electricity) which I know is generally quite cheap. My disposable income post-rent will still remain quite decent and I should be able to still same money.

 

Shall I help you pack ^^^

 

We are just about ready for the Oxford vaccine ..well I know it will take months to get us all done ..but there is light at the end of the tunnel for us all and your new place sounds wonderful and just perfect for you mentally and well ..I feel like saying ..it is time for you to do this ..

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Rivoli.

 

You remark:

 

"I know moving out will more than likely improve my mental health, job performance and overall well being."

 

That is something money can't buy. However, the ultimate decision is yours and yours alone. A leap of faith! This new apartment sounds excellent, and I do recall that you were/are most unhappy in your shared accommodation.

 

Thank you, LaHemes!!

 

It is correct. I don't feel at home at all anymore. I'm always tense, stressed out and angry.

 

The last straw was when the new roommate brought her boyfriend over unannounced on Saturday (against lockdown rules) after their week-long trip during which they mingled with other households. I was having dinner at the kitchen table and they just stood there next to me watching me eat and waiting for me to vacate the area. I found this to be rude and inconsiderate. I pay my rent, I should be able to sit at the table to eat dinner peacefully.

 

The other tenant was all over the living area drinking and eating junk food. I felt so out of place that night that I realized I needed to make a change. I couldn't sleep at all from Saturday to Sunday as my anxiety kicked in, it was the nail in the coffin. I availed on the drop in rent in my current apartment, but quite frankly, the mental exhaustion is not worth it at all.

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So, Rivoli, you are going to take that new apartment?

 

Try not to dwell too much on the behaviour of your present "sharers" That will all be soon behind you.

 

You're right! I think I'm dwelling on their behavior to justify my move. The more I think about it, the more I'm convincing myself to move. It's a bit of useless mental torture.

 

I will take this apartment. I meshed well with the landlord as well (we spoke for an hour). They had numerous applications and advised me on the spot the place was mine. I'm just a bit scared, but I have to take a leap of faith.

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The last straw was when the new roommate brought her boyfriend over unannounced on Saturday (against lockdown rules)

 

I agree about not dwelling on it all now ...look you have a very exciting plan to fill your thoughts now . But for the record ...it would have gone down big style had I been living there ..believe me I am so covid conscious , so you do have a right to feel none to happy . ..but just concentrate on you and your plans and keep out of their way .

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You're right! I think I'm dwelling on their behavior to justify my move. The more I think about it, the more I'm convincing myself to move. It's a bit of useless mental torture.

 

I will take this apartment. I meshed well with the landlord as well (we spoke for an hour). They had numerous applications and advised me on the spot the place was mine. I'm just a bit scared, but I have to take a leap of faith.

Congratulations! This is awesome. I don't think you will regret this at all. Rather you would regret not doing it. There comes a time when you need your own life, your own space, your own choices and decisions. That starts with your own place in the world!

 

I bet this is just the first step in a string of great new things supportimg the life you envision for yourself!

cheers!

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I agree about not dwelling on it all now ...look you have a very exciting plan to fill your thoughts now . But for the record ...it would have gone down big style had I been living there ..believe me I am so covid conscious , so you do have a right to feel none to happy . ..but just concentrate on you and your plans and keep out of their way .

 

I think they are not taking COVID restrictions seriously at all. The way her boyfriend was talking about it, it clearly shows a clear disregard.

 

I was about to confront her, but I found this apartment the following day. I then thought to myself and realized I don't have the time to mother 27 year olds. It's not my job or my role. I've got better concerns than to school people on the basics of courtesy or respect. I think I'm not invested in this apartment anymore and therefore don't want to fight for it. It's a clear sign that I need to move on and live the adult life I need to live. I'm simply hoping that my replacement will put her in her place, but that won't be my problem anymore. It's bad, but I have just been ignoring her since that day - I don't want to have any further dealings until I move out.

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Rivoli

 

"I don't have any family who can help me out in case something goes wrong, "

 

Try not to let that kind of thought enter your mind. Keep negativity at bay. There is a saying: "What you fear will find you."

 

What Lambert said:

 

"I bet this is just the first step in a string of great new things supporting the life you envision for yourself!"

 

And don't give the present "sharers" any more room inside your head.

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I think they are not taking COVID restrictions seriously at all. The way her boyfriend was talking about it, it clearly shows a clear disregard.

 

I was about to confront her, but I found this apartment the following day. I then thought to myself and realized I don't have the time to mother 27 year olds. It's not my job or my role. I've got better concerns than to school people on the basics of courtesy or respect. I think I'm not invested in this apartment anymore and therefore don't want to fight for it. It's a clear sign that I need to move on and live the adult life I need to live. I'm simply hoping that my replacement will put her in her place, but that won't be my problem anymore. It's bad, but I have just been ignoring her since that day - I don't want to have any further dealings until I move out.

 

Good for you RR ....I stuck up for myself and what is right re covid and this girl threatened to beat me up in the middle of a supermarket ...not saying that would have happened ..but your approach is the right approach ....say nowt ' and just get out . A couple of my daughters friends at uni are having the same problems ..not fair at all .

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It's worth it. Living alone, you can have a much smaller place and your utility bills will be lower as well. It's worth the peace of mind, IMO. I haven't lived with roommates since college. I'd rather live in a shoebox-sized apartment than deal with roommates again.

 

The boost to your mental wellbeing is simply wonderful, can't recommend it enough.

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You're right! I think I'm dwelling on their behavior to justify my move. The more I think about it, the more I'm convincing myself to move. It's a bit of useless mental torture.

 

Yes, and be careful of this. It's an unconscious reaction that I've seen play out in otherwise mature and well grounded people during all kinds of job and home changes.

 

It's a 'burn this down' mentality that seeks to villaininze those being left in order to hyper-justify a parting. My guess is, people do this because it's easier to walk away if we can be angry. But it's over-kill. It causes drama that's unnecessary and it harms your own stomach lining and mental state for zero 'real' benefit.

 

I'd sign the new lease and allow current roommates to roll off my back. I'd be conscious of this tendency and recognize that it can be flipped on me--my roommates could ramp-up annoyances because they're doing this 'burn-down' themselves. I'd check my reactions to that with the confidence that I know what's going on, and they'll be able to keep that long after I'm off living the life that I want--with no wildcards.

 

Meanwhile, mask up when unwanted people enter your home, and go off to avoid them. Let them think or say whatever they wish, and take good care of yourself.

 

Head high, and congrats on your new place.

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Congratulations! This is awesome. I don't think you will regret this at all. Rather you would regret not doing it. There comes a time when you need your own life, your own space, your own choices and decisions. That starts with your own place in the world!

 

I bet this is just the first step in a string of great new things supportimg the life you envision for yourself!

cheers!

 

What a lovely post! Thank you so much Lambert!

I hope so :)

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I would do it for sure and find ways to save $ - I think Dave Ramsey writes great books on the subject??? Your peace of mind and comfort now is more than worth it. Good luck!!

 

Thank you, Batya33!

 

Given the fact we're in lockdown and more than likely, there will be another lockdown after Christmas, I'm strictly restricting my spending to food & necessities.

Since entertainments & travel are out of the window, as well as shopping for clothes (to go where?), I've been managing my finances differently hence this leap of faith.

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Rivoli

 

"I don't have any family who can help me out in case something goes wrong, "

 

Try not to let that kind of thought enter your mind. Keep negativity at bay. There is a saying: "What you fear will find you."

 

What Lambert said:

 

"I bet this is just the first step in a string of great new things supporting the life you envision for yourself!"

 

And don't give the present "sharers" any more room inside your head.

 

Thank you, LaHermes.

 

You're right! I need to keep negativity at bay, definitely!

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I wanted to add, the stress of being on your own, I think, is a lot less. Yes, you are responsible for the bills but you aren't waiting on some twit to pay up. You are in control. That can be scary but it's also very freeing. You can adjust your habits and spending accordingly to make ends meet as well. You don't have to worry about a roommate blowing half of their rent money on alcohol and not paying up.

 

And, of course, it's safer. You don't have to deal with guests you don't like and you don't have to ask anyone's permission about anything.

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Good for you RR ....I stuck up for myself and what is right re covid and this girl threatened to beat me up in the middle of a supermarket ...not saying that would have happened ..but your approach is the right approach ....say nowt ' and just get out . A couple of my daughters friends at uni are having the same problems ..not fair at all .

 

Oh God. That's insane.

 

It's not fair at all that people are imposing their agenda on other people without their consent. The other tenant and I have not brought a single person over during this pandemic. We didn't even have to set "rules" or discuss it. Yet, this girl clearly didn't get the hint. She probably thinks we're just "loners" and started putting her agenda in motion. In any case, I want to preserve my health as health expenses are very steep and I certainly don't want to face any risk.

 

She took a week long vacation to Italy and didn't even quarantine when she got back, so I can't imagine her having an ounce of consideration.

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I wanted to add, the stress of being on your own, I think, is a lot less. Yes, you are responsible for the bills but you aren't waiting on some twit to pay up. You are in control. That can be scary but it's also very freeing. You can adjust your habits and spending accordingly to make ends meet as well. You don't have to worry about a roommate blowing half of their rent money on alcohol and not paying up.

 

And, of course, it's safer. You don't have to deal with guests you don't like and you don't have to ask anyone's permission about anything.

 

Thank you. It is true!

 

I don't want to have my finances or my freedom tied to anyone but myself. I absorbed a great portion of the heating expenses because the last tenant didn't pay & I'm still absorbing now because the other guy isn't paying either (yet, he's not no issue leaving the heating on all night in the living room after he's gone to bed). I need this freedom at this point. I'll have to cut down on some expenses, but at least, I'll fully manage my own budget and my freedom.

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Thank you, Batya33!

 

Given the fact we're in lockdown and more than likely, there will be another lockdown after Christmas, I'm strictly restricting my spending to food & necessities.

Since entertainments & travel are out of the window, as well as shopping for clothes (to go where?), I've been managing my finances differently hence this leap of faith.

 

Yes, I get it!

 

Congratulations on your decision and I hope you love your new place and your me time!

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