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Why is ex contacting me if he’s seeing someone else?


Bgal
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So bit of a background:

 

Back in April my ex broke up with me using the excuse that Covid was bad in our area and that he promised his ex-wife that he wouldn’t see anyone or else he wouldn’t be able to see his kids. This was out of left field for me, I thought we were doing well and he seemed happy with me. We had been dating 7 months and were serious (his words), he knew I wanted children and said he would be on board with that because he loved me and wanted to make me happy (he’s in his late 40’s and looking back on it I don’t think he really wanted anymore kids).

 

Anyway after he broke up with me I never contacted him again, about a month and a half after the breakup he started randomly liking pictures I would post on social media, then in the beginning of July he texted me with an apology and saying how amazing and beautiful I am, I never responded. A few months later he texted asking how I and my family were doing, I replied saying we were good and hoped his family was ok too. A week after that he texted me out of the blue saying he was sorry again and asking to see me for dinner the next evening, I responded telling him to call me (since I would feel weird seeing him after all those months without so much as a phone call), he never called and that was that. A few weeks after that he started “liking” every single picture I would post on social media. Then a few weeks ago he texted me again asking how I’m doing, I responded the next day saying I was good, he texted me back later that day and we ended up going back and forth a bit, he carried the whole conversation asking me about work and my family. He said he was good but that it has been an awful year (which I think no one can argue with), said a few things about his kids then he ended the conversation because he had his kids and had to put them to bed, and he said he missed talking to me, I didn’t respond to that and haven’t heard from him since. Now, I am almost certain he’s been seeing someone since probably around Mid-June, I believe she is around his age and already has a child so I’m pretty sure she’s past the point of having more children (I am 10 years younger than him). So my question is why is he still contacting me and liking my stuff on social media (he’s not the type who likes everything in his newsfeed)?

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You can stop this pointless back and forth, hot and cold situation by simply disconnecting him from your social media and blocking him.

 

It seems this nonsense is keeping you attached to him. I don't see the point of remaining emotionally connected to someone you can't even see in person, let alone be with.

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Boredom, stroking his own ego, keeping you on the hook, seeing if you are desperate enough for a quick roll in the hay - take your pick.

 

If you are hoping that this means that he still cares.....don't do that to yourself. In fact, block him so he quits bothering you. People who actually care about you and want what you want, don't dump you and certainly don't lie to you about wanting the same things in life that you do. You know what else a decent guy doesn't do? Creep his ex on social media while dating someone else. Yuck. Block, delete, move on and never look back.

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I guess the correct question would be: Why are you communicating with him at all?

 

You believe his in a relationship, he doesn't want the things you want (children) and he dumped you for some lame reason.

 

He was lying about wanting more children just so he could keep dating you and having sex. When he felt things were getting to serious he found an out and jumped.

 

I agree he just wants to use you again, don't let him.

 

Lost

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I guess the correct question would be: Why are you communicating with him at all?

 

You believe his in a relationship, he doesn't want the things you want (children) and he dumped you for some lame reason.

 

He was lying about wanting more children just so he could keep dating you and having sex. When he felt things were getting to serious he found an out and jumped.

 

I agree he just wants to use you again, don't let him.

 

Lost

 

I only recently found out he’s been seeing someone, so those times I responded I wasn’t aware of it and even so I’m not 100% sure he is, but if I had to bet I’d put my money on that he is.

 

I don’t know for sure that he was lying about wanting kids, that’s just my opinion given the way things ended and who he is probably dating now. I do agree with you though that he jumped when things started to get too serious and I started wanting more from him.

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I think you've responded really well, actually. You kept your cool and you were quite civil without letting your mind run away with his here nor there. Missing you unfortunately doesn't quite mean someone wants to be with you still.

 

If you suspect he's seeing someone this is all the more reason to keep your distance. Don't get involved and bung up someone else's romance. That would be in bad taste and totally unnecessary. You already know from your history with him he's a bit all over the place. I'd venture to say that the split with his wife and the strain of possibly not being able to see his kids as often as it is (without the virus issue even) weighs heavily. He needs to sort things out, logistics and all and come to terms with whatever he has got going on. You both have lost touch and for good reason. You played an active and positive role in that by distancing yourself. Give yourself a pat on the back and continue moving forwards.

 

Go back to what you want out of life. The togetherness of what you both wanted or what he wanted versus what you wanted is over. There is no we anymore. Just you. Don't self-sabotage. It's a personal choice but I would not trust this individual in the romantic sense again. Move on. Onwards and forwards.

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So you've spent 7 months with no closure, otherwise you wouldn't be posting this issue on a forum. You're the one keeping yourself emotionally attached to a dirtbag. If you really loved yourself as you should, you would've block him from contacting you. Instead, you welcome the breadcrumbs, because subconsciously, you think that's all you deserve in life. The only way to heal yourself is to break free, so do it. Then be alone to work on boosting your self esteem so eventually you will attract, and be attracted to, mentally healthy men.

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Good advice from the posters, OP. And I second what Andrina just said:

 

" The only way to heal yourself is to break free, so do it. Then be alone to work on boosting your self esteem so eventually you will attract, and be attracted to, mentally healthy men."

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He still likes you and misses you, enjoyed the time you had together, but it's just bad timing. Both are at different places in your life, so it makes sense for him to break it off. Ya he thought he wanted kids, etc....that's the infatuation period where everyone feels they want everything the other wants, makes plans for the future. He came back down to reality...had a think and realized this wasn't right or fair...too bad he didn't have the nut sack to explain that to you like an adult, instead of dumping excuses on you. You don't need a guy like that, he's not a good communicator or honest. You dodged a bullet.

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