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Is there any point doing online dating?


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Sorry to hear that. Try not to feel pressured by age vs goals.

 

OLD is a means to introduction to people. Unfortunately many people on there are not looking for the same things or may be just plain weird.

 

However if you walked into a giant supermarket, it would be the same thing. Some singles some weirdos, etc.

 

Don't give up hope. Just stay slow and steady and pace yourself. Make sure your profile doesn't have TMI. Just some basics.

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Lootie Tootie I love your story and how you shared what was really your truth at those times - I knew I was only taking the time to be on dating sites and meet people to find a husband. Had no interest in meeting people for friendship or just to meet someone or just to connect with someone -through a dating site. I already did that in many other ways that weren't as stressful/didn't take as much time. So I did care in that sense -I had no time to use dating sites other than for husband-hunting. I wish I could have had and actually believed in your attitude. The irony is when I reconnected with my now husband -we'd dated seriously in the past as I've written on this forum -it was after a really bad experience with someone I met through OLD and one of the reasons I was looking forward to this catch up dinner with my ex fiancee was because I knew we wouldn't talk about dating. And because I "didn't care" what he thought of me on any dating level I probably was more myself/more relaxed and more open to sparks flying!

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Having an online dating was quite fun. But, I decided to meet real people that I know because you can trust them. Well, that's my opinion.

 

I know of many people who meet strangers in bars "in real life" - I did, too. When I was on dating sites I met real people. In person. I didn't date online.

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The irony is when I reconnected with my now husband -we'd dated seriously in the past as I've written on this forum -it was after a really bad experience with someone I met through OLD and one of the reasons I was looking forward to this catch up dinner with my ex fiancee was because I knew we wouldn't talk about dating. And because I "didn't care" what he thought of me on any dating level I probably was more myself/more relaxed and more open to sparks flying!

 

Similar with my boyfriend. I had taken a break from online dating--all dating, really--for about 6 months. He and I have known each other since we were kids, but we had lost touch over the years. We'd become facebook friends a few years prior, but didn't talk much. Eventually, I reached out to him on facebook and suggested we meet for lunch or dinner and catch up. He agreed. It was such an easy, relaxed meal.

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A lot of OLD is learning to read between the lines and just like any dating, noticing red flags. For example, "I'm not looking for drama" = I will be providing ALL the drama and don't want competition.

 

That phrase was one of my pet peeves too. I always interpreted "no drama" similarly to the above, with just a slight variation. These guys basically want to treat you as poorly as possible and you can just shut up and accept it. Because to do otherwise is causing "drama."

 

I also feel like, in hindsight, registrants on dating sites have unrealistic expectations and have no idea what is actually possible. Especially the older ones. I think it's because at some point we have enough failed relationships behind us and have been around the block enough to know what we want, that we feel like we are entitled to perfection. Because we've earned it. Unfortunately this is at a time where "perfection" cannot be found because, you know, we're all getting older and the days of the perfect looks and the perfect bodies are behind us. I can't speak to what what women are looking for because women were/are not in my demographic, but I can tell you that there is no shortage online of old, fat, bald, unemployed men thinking they are entitled to a 20-year-old supermodel. This at a time where they are the least likely to be able to realistically get that.

 

I also think that the "fantasy" aspect of it all is a hindrance and a big reason why there is such a low success rate, especially as of late. You see a picture (which is all most are looking at to determine if they want to proceed) which is only a split second in time, and your imagination fills in the rest. Then you meet and even if they "look like their pictures" (a phrase I despise even more than "no drama"), if their voice sounds different or their laugh isn't what you imagined, or how they talk or how they dress, or even how they walk, or any number of things, then it causes confusion because they are different than you expected. You start thinking you were somehow tricked even though it was YOUR mind that filled in the gaps.

 

SOOOOO many things can (and do) go wrong that I wonder how anyone manages to connect anymore.

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I also feel like, in hindsight, registrants on dating sites have unrealistic expectations and have no idea what is actually possible. Especially the older ones. I think it's because at some point we have enough failed relationships behind us and have been around the block enough to know what we want, that we feel like we are entitled to perfection. Because we've earned it. Unfortunately this is at a time where "perfection" cannot be found because, you know, we're all getting older and the days of the perfect looks and the perfect bodies are behind us. I can't speak to what what women are looking for because women were/are not in my demographic, but I can tell you that there is no shortage online of old, fat, bald, unemployed men thinking they are entitled to a 20-year-old supermodel. This at a time where they are the least likely to be able to realistically get that.

 

Interesting! Indeed something to ponder.. (not quoting you for any other reason, Waffle.. just this point which I found interesting and will think more about).

 

I think OLD works. You just have to be a tad wary and careful as it's not the same as meeting someone in regular circles. There's also something else I've been thinking about which is type of commitment due to different lifestyles.

 

Regarding no baggage, I like letting people talk. If they want to talk that's fine. It means we get to know one another and that's not a bad thing. If there's still pain or residual issues, that's usually very apparent. I think the best thing to do is to be gentle. People should feel comfortable to be around you(hypothetical you). I don't like the transactional nature of OLD in the sense that it can seem very cold and goal-oriented. I may be in a different group as I don't have the same sort of pressures to marry/remarry etc.

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I'm going to a Meetup singles event tonight actually!

 

How was it?

 

I love Meetup. I organise events in one group (a general social group) and I'm in a 20's & 30's hiking meetup. I love how much they've expanded my social circle, although events have been limited this year of course.

 

All groups and events are different though and I think it's important not to get put off Meetup as a whole if you don't enjoy one particular group or one particular event (I've also been to a few that haven't been so great)

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