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Is there any point doing online dating?


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Tiny. For me at any rate the answer to your lead question would be "no". Besides, it sounds totally exhausting!

 

However there are many who extol the wonders of OLD, and as always there will be exceptions that confirm the rule.

 

As you remark:

 

"I've had a few long term relationships but they were all with people I met in real life."

 

Collectively I actually have met a huge amount of people on online dating sites but I just find that if I talk to a few people at the same time online and go on 1-2 dates a week, I get really exhausted. I don't have very high expectations (in fact super low due to my low success rate lol). During 8 month COVID quarantine I was just talking to people online and I video chatted with a few people. The video chatting wasn't really going well because some people were awkward and very nervous (including me lol) and seemed more so because of the video format. And some people were ending the conversation after only about 20-40 minutes I guess coz they weren't interested. One guy ended the video call after 20 minutes because he said he had to take a shower. He also held his phone in his hand on the video call and kept waving it around and I pretty much could hardly see his face. Weirdly he was still contacting me afterwards but I got a bad impression of him, so I didn't pursue it.

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I'm coming up on two years with my girlfriend, who I met through a mutual rightward swipe—a connection more real than I've known possible. My last long relationship owes its inception to a dating app as well, though I kind of see that one as a cautionary tale of the apps as much as a success story. But it was certainly real, and I'm grateful for the shared space, the growth, all that.

 

This is a hard, hard time, Tiny. Dating, at the best times, can be a bit hard, draining, emotionally exhausting, which is to say I can't help but think you might just need a moment to press pause. Personally, I had the best times with dating when I genuinely didn't care what came of it. I very much wanted partnership when I met my now-girlfriend for a glass of wine—think I wanted family too, like you, but wasn't quite ready to admit that to myself—but had it been a meh hour or two? That would have been just fine, as I'd done that plenty. When it felt less than fine, I pressed pause.

 

Just my few cents. Hang in there.

 

Congratulations on finding your girlfriend blue! I think the thing with me personally is because I've never found anything real or serious on OLD, I just feel discouraged I guess. I've also done speed dating and singles events throughout my life and never met anyone through that either. I'm just finding these days that so many people are doing OLD that it does seem to be a popular avenue to meet people and becoming very common. COVID restrictions have eased in my city, so I'll start attending some Meetups. We are still required to wear masks though and only ten people allowed to attend a meeting. So I can't really tell if I find someone attractive and there are also not many people at these events, but it's better than nothing.

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It’s all about perception.

The above poster perceived that you had a few long term relationships from people you met in real life.

And thereby insinuating that , real life is the way to go.

 

However , define a successful relationship?

Your end goal currently is to have a relationship that leads to marriage and kids.

Because your real life relationships didn’t result in that , does that mean they were unsuccessful relationships or that your goal back then wasn’t what it is now?

 

You have been online dating for 17 years. Why?

What were you looking for as an 18 year old in 2003? Marriage and kids?

I somehow doubt that? Maybe I’m wrong?

But really were you looking for a serious relationship at 18? And at a time when online dating wasn’t that popular?

Most people didn’t have easy access to Internet in 2003?

No smart phones back then?

So what was the reason as an 18 yr old with limited access to Internet drew you to online dating??

 

I have had a few long term relationships from online meets.

And a few from real life meets.

Were any of them successful?

Well again that’s all about perception.

And end goals?

 

Online dating should only be supplementary.

If you are spending a lot of time on these sites over real life interaction , meaning meeting with friends, enjoying hobbies etc then it’s dooned to fail.

Because basically you become someone that’s not interesting to others.

You mentioned you are putting in more effort into online dating , which suggests less effort into life in general.

 

It should be something to do when you have nothing else to do!?!

 

Also , meeting someone online is not really that much different to meeting someone offline.

The first meet is simply that whether offline or online.

The second meet is a first date.

After that , it’s irrelevant how you met.

 

But people dwell too much about what others put on their OLD profile. And assume it to be true.

 

Do you believe your profile is accurate? Did you actually put on there that your ultimate goal is marriage and kids ?

That won’t scare a guy whose bed goal is the same? It will deter the guys not wanting the same.

 

And thereby reducing the amount of contact you get but in a good and productive way.

 

What you need to realise is that OLD allows you to talk to numerous people in a short amount of time.

If there was no OLD , how long would it take you to actually bump into that amount of people to have a chit chat with in real life?

The rejection rate is super high. But that’s just a reflection on the amount of people you chat to.

 

How many dates (encounters) have you been on over 17 years via OLD versus real life?

 

Basically what I’m trying to say is be present online but only supplementary.

You really shouldn’t spend more than 30 mins per day online.

 

Be more interesting than that and don’t have the free time to put in more effort into it.

 

Good luck!!!

 

Thanks Billie! Actually weirdly I seem to be the kind of person that sometimes just knows deep down/has a gut feeling what I want in life. This did actually happen at a young age. For example, when I was 13 years old, I liked my school counsellor and I decided I want to help people like her. I then went on to study psychology, disability and mental health courses at college and have been working in welfare for nearly eight years now. I think I always knew I wanted marriage and kids and as a teenager used to look at pregnant women and think: "That's so sweet they're going to be a Mum, lucky them. I want that one day."

 

Certainly as a teenager and in my early 20's, I wasn't actually looking for kids and marriage, but I did want a serious relationship. Like, I wanted to be in a monogamous committed relationship which I hoped would last long. There weren't any dating apps and the swiping and matching thing wasn't there. But there were dating websites where you just saw people's profiles and messaged them. And yes I was using them since I was 18 years old.

 

Over the last nearly 18 years I'd say collectively I have met hundreds of people from online dating. I did try to meet up with people whose profiles I liked and had things in common and things like that. I really don't know why it never worked out in the sense that no actual relationship ever came of any of it. The most I had was maybe a couple of hookup type things and a couple of FWB.

 

So it's difficult just for me personally to feel like OLD is successful but obviously it has been successful for some people.

 

Yes my profile is very accurate. I fill in everything that needs to be filled in very honestly and my photos are not professional photography, no filters, very recent. In fact just recently I got told by my date that I look exactly like my pictures in real life.

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Seriously, how incredibly rude!

 

Yeah this one was bizarre! The guy was video calling from his phone but he didn't put it down or just hold his hand out. He just held the phone randomly and I didn't see his face, only his forehead, his ear, side of the face lol Which I thought was really weird because we were calling on whatsapp and we were both on the phone app where you can see yourself on the bottom of the screen. But it was like he didn't care. After 20 minutes he said he'd go to take a shower. It was only like 6 p.m. in the evening so not bedtime. I didn't hear from him for a few days so figured he wasn't interested. But then he contacted me again and I was thinking, what the actual? If you're at least semi interested then why did you behave like this? So I just ignored lol

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I have. I treat it like any other venue, really. As I'm aging though I'm finding my interests fairly specific and most of them are not found on online dating. As many will attest, it's a lot of screening and rifling through plenty of profiles. At this moment I'd really prefer more to make a B line for my interests in general and happen to meet people who are also doing the same thing.

 

There is more than one way to get to the destination. If this isn't working for you, give it a rest. It doesn't mean it's all you or you're the problem. Now might not be the right time. Try something else.

 

Yeah I don't think I'm the problem or most people are really, but I think it's just a case of where either me or them is not interested. I think the problem is how much time it takes up but there is no outcome. Even some of my video calls were 1-3 hours long but at the end either me or them just weren't feeling it. Same thing in real life. It begins to feel very tiring because you travel to the date, make a lot of effort to be friendly and keep up engaging conversation for maybe 2-3 hours, then nothing. The reason why I didn't find it as tiring in real life is because usually I went on dates with people I met through friends, events, etc. and the reason why I went on a date in the first place is because we already felt a connection and found each other attractive to begin with, so following that decided to go on a date. With OLD it's the first time you meet them, so you have no idea if there's any click or attraction. I think that's what I find to be the down side but in real life I guess the rate at which you're meeting people is very slow compared to OLD. So I suppose they both have good and bad aspects.

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Ah OLD, that was certainly exhausting but at the same time interesting / fun when you have a bizarre experience or meet someone fun but has no chemistry. I did OLD for 10 years on and off so kinda like you. Met my husband on OKCupid 5 years ago and the rest was history. A lot of my friends met their partners online, whether it lasted or ended some years later (including one going through divorce right now after meeting online and been together for 8 years).

 

One of my single friends currently OLD said she now uses bumble and she’s been dating someone for about 8 or 9 weeks now seems like things are going well. I never had good experience with POF, eHarmony, Match etc, I don’t think there’s been much change in that regard from what I heard.

 

Meeting people is hard. I felt like keep seeing the same people all the time (you’ve either written them off without meeting or you’ve met and didn’t hit it off), until my husband messaged me, he was new to my city, so new face. But before that it was very fatiguing. I think it actually helped when I raised my standards, instead of giving anyone a go (at a first meet) like I used to do, I decided to be very strict (but only on big issues, values and things) after really thinking over what kind of person I wanted, what kind of personality and values they must have to be a good fit (derived from two failed LTR prior). It made things easier, met less people but they were closer to what I may want. Maybe it’s luck, I met my husband within a couple of month after that.

 

It’s definitely a process whether online or offline. Keep expectations low while standards high (where it actually counts) and don’t forget to have fun :) Good luck!

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Yeah I don't think I'm the problem or most people are really, but I think it's just a case of where either me or them is not interested. I think the problem is how much time it takes up but there is no outcome. Even some of my video calls were 1-3 hours long but at the end either me or them just weren't feeling it. Same thing in real life. It begins to feel very tiring because you travel to the date, make a lot of effort to be friendly and keep up engaging conversation for maybe 2-3 hours, then nothing. The reason why I didn't find it as tiring in real life is because usually I went on dates with people I met through friends, events, etc. and the reason why I went on a date in the first place is because we already felt a connection and found each other attractive to begin with, so following that decided to go on a date. With OLD it's the first time you meet them, so you have no idea if there's any click or attraction. I think that's what I find to be the down side but in real life I guess the rate at which you're meeting people is very slow compared to OLD. So I suppose they both have good and bad aspects.

 

I would meet for a quick coffee or a 1hour lunch for a first date instead of dinner or drinks which can last several hours. Do it somewhere convenient for you if possible, like I used to go on lunch dates on work days, so it wasn’t inconvenient at all. A drink is fine too if it’s with a caveat that you have to leave by x time so you’re not stuck if it doesn’t go well.

 

In the end I also stopped meeting people who I didn’t have reasonably engaging conversations online or ran out of things to talk about online (but only chat online for a short time before meeting, say a week?) that kinda worked out ok when I met them, conversations were at least interesting.

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There is no such thing as online dating - it's nothing more than just another avenue for getting introduced to people you might want to date.

 

No different really than meeting a guy at an event and deciding to meet up for a coffee or happy hour another day. Only difference is that online, you see the person's interests, hobbies, etc but you have no idea if you'll have any real life chemistry in person, so it can be a slog. You get excited about meeting a person you have a lot in common with, but then, no chemistry and it's disappointing.

 

That said, if you have realistic expectations, don't waste a lot of time chatting online and developing fantasies about that person and instead quickly meet them for a coffee and a chat to see IF there is that real life click, it can be a good way to meet the right person. Certainly has worked for me. Only thing I'd say is that I stuck with more reputable paid sites.

 

Yeah I'm using two paid web sites and they're pretty expensive lol I'm trying to use them more than the free ones. I find it a bit annoying because some people want to message a lot online first and I do just want to meet quickly. I message all these guys and even though they're the guy, it's actually usually me that takes charge and asks to actually catch up in real life. Personally I think it's just more time consuming to meet people on OLD. For example, you could go to a Meetup group regularly and just get to know people there and do activities. You can be enjoying the activities and along the way if you click with someone, you could go on a date. I think the chance of that working out is higher than OLD because you already know that person and you know you connected and find them attractive. It might still not go anywhere but there is more to go on than meeting a total stranger.

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Tiny,

 

I hear you completely. I am fairly successful doing OLD but I felt like I was getting nowhere. I took a break for 2 years and tried to meet women in real life.

 

Guess what? Times have changed in real life. So many people are not looking up from their phones and they miss what is going on around them. I felt like the single women (my assumption) that I did try and chat up were so used to OLD they had lost some of the ability to meet in real life without some sort of premise or earlier introduction. I am friendly, okay looking and have no problem talking to anyone but it was a lot harder than it used to be. Maybe it was me...

 

Before the pandemic hit I was thinking I would unhide my profiles but instead of just concentrating on OLD I would do both IRL and OLD. I was thinking it would be a lot healthier and increase my chances. Of course my plan has been put on hold until life gets back to some sense of normalcy. What do you think of trying that idea or have you already tried it?

 

When we are young everything is wide open in front of us but as life goes along the path narrows, not sure why but I know it does.

 

I do know several people that met online and even more that met because their buddy or gf met someone online and then all the combined friends would hang out and then new relationships would form from there. Usually younger people though.

 

There is someone out there for for you and I think once the pandemic has subsided there will be a wave of people that will be more serious about finding and being in a real relationship.

 

Lost

 

Thank you Lost! Yes I think it definitely has become harder being older, also for the reason that a lot of people my age are not single because they're already with someone. I'm 36 in two months so people around my age often are already married and have kids, or they're divorced and don't want marriage again or kids. Also I guess I'm not meeting as many people as I used to when I was younger. For example, when I studied at university I met so many people because you have big lectures and all the social events and everything. And when I used to work at a big department store and there were so many staff there and we would invite each other to parties and go for after work drinks and things like that. I would still prefer to meet people in that way but it's become limited due to my age and life circumstances.

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Hi Tiny

 

I've been thinking exactly the same thing. I too am 35, and I just find the whole thing exhausting. I've sent out many messages to women, always trying to personalise it after reading their profile....and 99% of the time the messages have been ignored. I get it....it's easier to just ignore when you aren't interested. I read somewhere that to do OLD you have to have good self esteem, (which I haven't) so I figure its not the best place for me, although to be fair my self confidence is getting better.

 

I find OLD just incredibly shallow....we all tend to judge on a photo.

 

2021 I'm determined to get out there and meet people, through socialising with friends etc and see if it leads somewhere.

 

Yes I think it can be shallow and in particular with apps which are predominantly based on just swiping, like Tinder. I want to just get out there and socialise too but obviously due to the pandemic that's been quite limited. Only just now starting to ease off, so I'm trying to get out there a bit more.

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Several - actually, many. A number who have kids now. But I know it sounds like semantics but one of the keys is not to date online. Only to use the dating sites as a way to meet someone in person ASAP. I had no LTR through dating sites but met some really good people and had a few short term relationships. I used dating sites for about 5 years or so until I was in my late 30s (before that, written personal ads). My husband was on dating sites in between the two times we dated and he's an awesome person, marriage-minded, etc. It's like a part time job but for me it was worth it since my goals were marriage and family. Wouldn't have been worth it just to find people to date.

 

Sorry you're struggling with it!

 

Thanks! Yeah I definitely try to meet in real life as soon as possible but some people just drag their feet and want to keep messaging online. It's usually me that suggests to actually meet up lol

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Never have. I use two dating sites (and both paid), one based for those in the UK who live rurally. I've had better success there, but its a small site. The other is match, where my messages have been ignored. I wont be renewing match when the sub runs out.

 

Match lets anyone sign up for free, but they have to pay to read your message. I'd assume the bulk of the women you're sending messages to aren't paid members as it was like that the last time I was on there. Before the free swipe apps were all the rage a good enough portion of my messages on match were responded to and some weeks I'd go on 3 dates. It was a ghost town the last time I went on there, well, lots of "members" but none that could see what I sent them.

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It definitely didn't work for me, mostly because of this reason:

 

 

 

but many other reasons as well . . . and anyone I know who found someone online hasn't been recently, it's all been 4 or 5 years ago or longer. My conclusion is OLD has "Jumped the Shark" as they say.

 

My best friend found her husband on OLD 12 years ago but I also feel like back then maybe people took it more seriously or something. There were no apps or swiping and I don't think there was as much of this notion that there are still hundreds of people out there. With all the dating apps and swiping I think many people feel like they can still do better and find more people, and they don't give people a real chance. It seems like it wasn't that hard to find someone when my parents were young. My parents got married at 20 and they've been married for 38 years now! These days I feel like people seem cautious to settle down or something because they're worried it's not the right person and more people are still out there who are better. They see all these people on dating sites and still want to find more. Like a kid in a candy shop lol I could be wrong but I sometimes just get that impression.

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networking with friends family and coworkers, attending social distancing events to meet and greet new people is your best bet. These days it's even worse to navigate the dating scene...may have to wait til there a vaccine.....January maybe?

 

For sure I prefer to meet people through real life and that's what always worked for me. I was just thinking that due to being 35 and wanting kids and marriage, meeting in real life can take much longer because you don't meet only single and suitable people in your everyday life. But I never really got much result from OLD so who knows if I ever will lol

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I actually met up with someone I met on eNotAlone. We had both broken up with people around the same time and back then, circa 2010, folks would spend hours at night and on weekends on this site, messaging and lamenting both privately and publicly - a form of therapy that was better than any professional could provide in my opinion.

 

We had a great relationship through this site and were attracted to each other’s photos, however, the chemistry just wasn’t there when I picked him up at the airport. We went out for dinner and slept in separate bedrooms..was a very long weekend. I dropped him off at the airport and never spoke to him again.

 

Personally, I need to see the person to know if I will have a chemical attraction to them....Was unfortunate as he was a great ENA friend.

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My personal observation isn't that it's all shallow and whatever, but rather that people who tend to be more pragmatic have better success than those who tend to be more romantic.

 

My friends and I had a blast dating and found it quite easy to meet guys from OLD. We are a pragmatic bunch though and would totally talk to the guys with the fuzzy selfie and some pics grinning with a fresh caught fish. If he then says, "Hey I'm terrible at this e-mailing stuff, can we just meet in person and talk over dinner or drinks or coffee, pick a place you are comfortable with and I'll be there." Bonus! The guys were real and the dates were actually fun even if the chemistry wasn't always there.

 

However, if you are looking for model pics, romantic walks on the beach or fall for drivel like "he is looking for his queen"....yeah....you are going to run into scammers and losers. Consider that a normal guy simply won't go to those lengths for a profile and won't talk like that. These are red flags.

 

A lot of OLD is learning to read between the lines and just like any dating, noticing red flags. For example, "I'm not looking for drama" = I will be providing ALL the drama and don't want competition.

 

I'm actually not particularly looks oriented and don't care about people's body size or anything like that. I'm more of a face and personality person. But I guess I am looking for someone with the same values and at least some common interests.

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I actually met up with someone I met on eNotAlone. We had both broken up with people around the same time and back then, circa 2010, folks would spend hours at night and on weekends on this site, messaging and lamenting both privately and publicly - a form of therapy that was better than any professional could provide in my opinion.

 

We had a great relationship through this site and were attracted to each other’s photos, however, the chemistry just wasn’t there when I picked him up at the airport. We went out for dinner and slept in separate bedrooms..was a very long weekend. I dropped him off at the airport and never spoke to him again.

 

Personally, I need to see the person to know if I will have a chemical attraction to them....Was unfortunate as he was a great ENA friend.

 

Awww thank you for sharing your story! The thought of meeting someone on ENA actually never even crossed my mind! I comment here a lot but I never private message anyone lol Yeah I think sadly this happens a lot where online there seems to be a connection but it's not the same in real life. Now maybe it's possible to see if there's attraction from video calling at least. Which people didn’t really do ten years ago.

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Everyone's experience is different, of course. I've been married for 9 years, together 11, with a man I met on OLD. The neighbors across the street met on OLD and have been married 12.

 

A friend married the guy she met at a car dealership when she bought her car.

 

When I did OLD for over 2 years, I went on dates with about 30 men, and yeah, there were a lot of crazy, frustrating and upsetting times during all that. I had only found out about Meetup.com right before I met my husband, and enjoyed that as a less stressful experience. Didn't meet anybody I clicked with at the activities, but different people show up to them all the time, so I don't doubt I would've eventually met someone to date. Don't know if they have Meetup.com activities where you live, but you should check it out if they do.

 

I also took East Coast Swing group dance lessons which were followed by a dance, and did meet someone I dated for a few months. But I soon found out that he was addicted to the new crop of females at these events and was used to dating someone new every few months.

 

I actually didn't have any luck on E-Harmony. Didn't seem to be too many candidates in my area. Only briefly talked to one guy whose photo was so far away I could barely see what he looked like, and his whole profile was about his deceased wife, and I could tell nobody would live up to his angel.

 

I'd say once it's safe to do so, just get out into the world with volunteering, hobbies, clubs, Meetup.com, and dates with OLD. You never know where you'll meet a potential partner. Good luck.

 

Yes we have a lot of Meetup groups of all kinds in my city. They've just been on hold due to the pandemic, but now starting to come back. Still a bit limited in number capacity and have to wear masks due to COVID. I'm going to a Meetup singles event tonight actually! I used to do beginners swing dancing but I got a bad hip injury and it had been harder since so I ended up quitting. But certainly there are lots of other groups and classes to try.

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I started online dating several years ago. It was new, fresh and so were the people. Over the years and the sharp uphill trend to all things cyber related the numbers quadrupled.

 

With that comes higher numbers in scammers, undesirables and somewhere in between are the smaller percentage of those of who intentions are in the right place. Weeding through that can be treacherous. lol

 

I met my current bf on line over 3 years ago. At that time I was pretty much done due to seeing the same faces still there from 10 years ago. My experience was 90% of them just wanted an electronic friend, the other 9% were scammers. The odds of meeting that 1% that I might even be attracted to wasn't odds I was willing to do any longer. That and the often creepy people who you expose yourself to will leave you with a bad taste. I know it did me.

 

I had been single for about 6 months and on a slow night I put up my profile, skimmed around my area and thought to myself that there was only one person I might consider meeting. But with that I shut it down and didn't return for a couple weeks. On a long road trip and a lot of time on my hands I checked my email (created for OLD only) and the one guy I thought was a possibility could see I had viewed his profile and said "so, you aren't even going to say hello?" The rest is history. Even with that I was reluctant and cancelled our first meet. (as I am every so often reminded)

 

Having said that, I can't imagine what it's like now, 3 1/2 years later. But it works. Its up to you how much patience and fortitude you have. I noticed the less I cared about the outcome the more I could stay in the game. The moment I get frustrated or burned out, I'd take a break.

 

I also didn't want to view meeting someone who wasn't a match a loss either. I met some really nice men and remained friends with them for some time.

 

Also, I always seemed to have better luck with men who were new to OLD. Catch them while they are fresh. . lol! That would be one of the first questions I'd ask. What their experiences were like and how long they've been at it. It's pretty telling.

 

There are some men (and i imagine women) that i referred to as "squatters. For whatever reason they had no intention on getting off the sites. That and sussing out whether they were willing to meet you for a cup of coffee sooner than later. If they pushed back, I'd move on.

 

If I was single today, I doubt I would do it again, to be honest. But I'm just at a place in my life that single is an option. If someone throws themself on my windshield, I might consider it. But I shouldn't have to work so hard at it.

 

I got lucky with my guy. Besides he sets the bar pretty high. He's be impossible to replace :)

 

Awww. Congratulations on finding your man! Yeah online dating is not terrible because most people aren't awful or anything, most are fine. But it is super time consuming with no pay off for me personally in 18 years lol

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eHarmony is the worst dating site out there. Its filled with dead profiles they present to you as active and so does match. Back in 2013-2014 Match use to be good but eHarmony has always been a scam. Best "sites" (around here anyway) are bumble and hinge.

 

I'm not finding it good either because there's nobody really on there lol But I made the terrible mistake of paying for a two year membership because you got a discount. I got fooled lol

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I would meet for a quick coffee or a 1hour lunch for a first date instead of dinner or drinks which can last several hours. Do it somewhere convenient for you if possible, like I used to go on lunch dates on work days, so it wasn’t inconvenient at all. A drink is fine too if it’s with a caveat that you have to leave by x time so you’re not stuck if it doesn’t go well.

 

In the end I also stopped meeting people who I didn’t have reasonably engaging conversations online or ran out of things to talk about online (but only chat online for a short time before meeting, say a week?) that kinda worked out ok when I met them, conversations were at least interesting.

 

Yeah I think I need to keep it shorter. Maybe just squeeze in a coffee date before meeting friends and stuff like that so I can keep it brief and I'd be out already lol I'm finding spending three hours with someone having dinner and drinks too tiring to be honest.

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I actually had success with eHarmony, but this was back in 2005-2007. I had three meaningful relationships from that site. The longest was 7 months, but for me that was pretty good. I feel like each of those guys was significant in some way. I also used OKCupid from 2009 - 2011. I had a couple good relationships off of that site as well.

 

With OKCupid, I took a different approach than I did with eHarmony. I guess because it's set up differently. With eHarmony, there's a long process of introspection.... and I think that was very useful in 2005, when OLD was new and people were hesitant to meet people online.

 

I actually signed up for OKCupid by accident. But I eventually ended up using it. Instead of screening people through a controlled Q&A process, I just met them in person as quickly as possible. At that point, I would evaluate whether it was worth pursuing something more.

 

The thing I disliked about OLD was the lack of shared history and shared connections. I find that it's much nicer to be with someone who knows where I'm from.

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I think if you're feeling burned out from OLD, just take a step back from it. Put your energy on things you enjoy and make you happy so you feel lighter and rejuvenated.

 

This is why I also stress that people do meetups instead of just OLD but I know covid times it's different (I think some meetups are doing virtual/zoom calls atm?) If you want a serious relationship out of OLD it's going to be a bit more challenging then people who are using it for a FWB, ego-boost or just to meet people. It's like real life... the odds are not in your favor. I also met my husband of 5 yrs via online... it was not OLD but online gaming, same platform just in a different form I guess you can say.

 

When I was doing OLD, sometimes it was fun, sometimes frustrating, and sometimes exhausting and disheartening. But when I look back I really had a great time when I didn't care because I was getting to know someone and just so happy and excited to get know someone on a deeper level. I grew up pretty sheltered so when I went off to college, I lived on my own and I wanted to actually get to know people. But yea I was also lonely too. However I didn't want a boyfriend because I loved my freedom and independence. Those were really the times I had a lot of fun dating and a lot of guys like me back because they thought I was interesting, fearless, spunky and independent. Then late 20s that's when I started to get older, narrowed my searches to serious matches, it was definitely harder to find myself enjoying online dating. It became a tedious process. And I did end up settling for someone (ex-bf) who I met thru Match.com and thought I had to join the rat race (when you're about to hit 30, and all you see are friends getting married and having kids, your parents are wondering what is wrong with you) and that decision turned out to be the biggest mistake. I am grateful though I did learn a lot and after I ended that relationship, I was able to work on my confidence and self-love. I never went back to OLD and used my energy on my hobbies instead. That's how I met my husband.

 

Hang in there because OLD is not smooth sailing and if you are feeling glum about it, I really recommend you just step back from it and focus on hobbies or extracurricular activities that you enjoy. Those are really the things that will help you find your balance again.

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