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You’ve gotten plenty of advice but I thought I’d give some gen Z wisdom! My generation seem to be extremely sex positive as it is, and the advancement of tech means sex is accessible whether through porn or sexting (more so than it may of been for previous generations)

 

It’s important to be safe regardless of age, if you’re going to share nudes through Snapchat or be intimate over FaceTime, you have the insurance of knowing both apps will alert you if any thing is screenshotted, screen recorded, or saved, so if you feel comfortable and confident, there is no shame in sharing a nude. As for his intentions, I think dating within my generation can be odd compared to previous generations, best thing to do is open up a discussion in person about where the relationship is going, especially with an age gap, for your safety literally and emotionally (gen z can be a bit evasive, if you open a discussion and feel like his answers are confusing, or give you absolutely no information, that may not be a good thing)

 

There is no shame in an age gap! But every age gap has the potential to have started because of sexuality and fetishisation

 

Thank you MC, this is great advice. How do you know if someone recorded FaceTime???? Is this indicated somehow?

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Batya, I have tried to date, as old as 61 in my area. The issue is I live in a retirement-age area. Not abnormal to see folks with walkers and other devices. Not being critical, its just how it is here. There is simply no one my age here. The average in my apartment complex is 80.

 

But I'm not saying you should date. This isn't dating. I'm saying not to cleanse yourself with this sort of sexual interaction.

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But I'm not saying you should date. This isn't dating. I'm saying not to cleanse yourself with this sort of sexual interaction.

 

Thanks Batya, then I would have to weigh whether I want to wait for a more suitable man, or cleans myself with the 23 year old. It is literally impossible to meet anyone here. I work in a closed office with 9 people, will be working 6 days a week soon. Tried Match, didn’t work for me. Haven’t had sex in 5 years, so yea, really want to get out of this rut.

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Thank you MC, this is great advice. How do you know if someone recorded FaceTime???? Is this indicated somehow?

 

So if someone records or screenshots a FaceTime, a notification should pop up in the centre of the screen saying “**** has screenshotted” or something similar

 

I’m not too sure about what comes up when someone screen records but you should be told once they start doing it, I’m less familiar with FaceTime in the context of screenshotting, so maybe test it out with a friend who also has an iPhone? Just to be safe, if it doesn’t work, try updating the app because I know this feature came with one of the recent iOS updates!

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How are you going to have sex with him if he won't commit to meeting?

 

Also, be assured you are not the only woman he's trying this with, so if you do meet him for sex be sure to ask him to be tested ahead of time and use all means of protection.

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Sounds more to me like you're missing sexual banter and flirting in general. This person is showing some interest and there happens to be a request for photos in there. As you barely know this person, I wouldn't send any photos. Keep things textual and one dimensional. He obviously jolted or alerted your red flags if you have to ask this question. His timing seems too soon or off and it may be he's awkward and inexperienced.

 

I agree younger generations tend to be more sex positive but it can also be manipulated differently without experience or enough consideration for others.

 

In other words, he just sounds... young. Whether you continue to engage is nobody's business but you. Keep things simple and don't overcomplicate them with photos, videos etc. For all you know here you are worrying about whether this is the norm for him and he's already got five or six others for his masturbation material. I don't mean to be graphic but really, you sound like just a number.

 

Enjoy the ride. Don't get swept away by it.

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Have you tried getting a good profile and pics up on some quality/paid dating apps? Make sure you set your criteria appropriately for age, distance and other factors. Start messaging and meeting men in whatever your preferred distance/age group is.

The average age at my apartment complex is 80.
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FaceTime is not Snapchat lol

Of course you can record , screenshot and no notification of it. And it’s not illegal to do so.

 

What’s normal for a 23 yr old guy when it comes to sex? Everything lol

 

But 23 yr old females generally won’t put out as easy as 40 something’s.

The reason being that most 40 something’s are very secure within themselves and their needs sexually and emotionally.

 

Unfortunately for this guy , he is wasting his time.

You might be of age to fulfill his fantasy but you are not Mrs Robinson.

 

And he is not the graduate.

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Thanks Batya, then I would have to weigh whether I want to wait for a more suitable man, or cleans myself with the 23 year old. It is literally impossible to meet anyone here. I work in a closed office with 9 people, will be working 6 days a week soon. Tried Match, didn’t work for me. Haven’t had sex in 5 years, so yea, really want to get out of this rut.

 

Well no the other choice is not to date. I don't agree that interacting sexually with this person will have a cleansing effect. It could be very harmful to you. If you want to have sex with someone I'd wait till after there is a vaccine. Just my two cents. I tried many different dating sites and of course once it's safe you can meet people in a variety of ways -I did that in my 30s. I stopped dating in my late 30s. I also relocated at age 28 - nine miles away -to be in a city teeming with singles and given my intense and unpredictable hours-to be right near my office. I know relocating isn't possible for everyone but my point is there are ways to meet people -once there is a vaccine - and some areas of the country are harder than others for sure. Please don't tell yourself you only have those two options. Especially when the sexual interaction could really harm you/your reputation.

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Okay this sounds like you both could have some fun but you need to be in control of this.

 

You want to have sex with this guy so just tell him to come by after he gets off work and bring condoms. Even a 23 yr old will figure out what is about to happen.

 

You are going to be a cougar and he is going to be your cub. Go with it and don't expect anything other than sex.

 

Be safe, be smart and have fun.

 

PS I have seen plenty of videos off of face time and all the other apps where the guy filmed the screen from another phone, usually a buddies phone sitting right there.

 

Lost

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Okay this sounds like you both could have some fun but you need to be in control of this.

 

You want to have sex with this guy so just tell him to come by after he gets off work and bring condoms. Even a 23 yr old will figure out what is about to happen.

 

You are going to be a cougar and he is going to be your cub. Go with it and don't expect anything other than sex.

 

Be safe, be smart and have fun.

 

PS I have seen plenty of videos off of face time and all the other apps where the guy filmed the screen from another phone, usually a buddies phone sitting right there.

 

Lost

 

I really think this is bad advice now during the surge in covid -particularly since 20 somethings are not known to act the safest about that.

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I really think this is bad advice now during the surge in covid -particularly since 20 somethings are not known to act the safest about that.

 

I agree.

 

Just like condoms are a great idea to avoid STDs, holding off until there is some degree of safety from Covid is a great idea. Lack of sex and wanting "cleansing" are not worth dying over.

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So if someone records or screenshots a FaceTime, a notification should pop up in the centre of the screen saying “**** has screenshotted” or something similar

 

I’m not too sure about what comes up when someone screen records but you should be told once they start doing it, I’m less familiar with FaceTime in the context of screenshotting, so maybe test it out with a friend who also has an iPhone? Just to be safe, if it doesn’t work, try updating the app because I know this feature came with one of the recent iOS updates!

 

I'm pretty sure it doesn't work like that with the iPhone. I screen shotted a convo with my sister and her son and my sister would have said something if she saw the notification. Her iOS is always up to date because it's her job.

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I'm pretty sure it doesn't work like that with the iPhone. I screen shotted a convo with my sister and her son and my sister would have said something if she saw the notification. Her iOS is always up to date because it's her job.

 

Yeah, there is no such notification on Facetime and even if there was, so what? Too little too late once someone already grabbed the image and saved it for further use.

 

Anyway, nothing wrong with wanting a fling. However, a 23 year old guy......you are looking at 4 seconds and a whole lot of awkward, aka inexperienced. Guys his age who get action and have some experience aren't looking at older women. On top of that, he isn't pursuing anything with you in real life....sooo....yeah.... If you are the sort that's willing to teach, more power to you and I'm sure his future gf's will be grateful, but if you are just looking for some fun, look elsewhere.

 

To be frank, it sounds to me like you are mentally stuck in a rut - job, where you live, not seeing options. If you live in NYC, please for the love of, don't claim there aren't people your age there. I think you need to get out and get unstuck in general and messing about with some child isn't going to add to your self esteem. Go join some meetup groups, get outside of your area/comfort zone. It sounds like you've been hibernating too long and have become too thirsty that this situation is somehow appealing to you.

 

Also, if you are looking for a fling, who cares if he opens doors or not. That's relationship thinking. Be sure you are cut out for a fling and not just acting out of desperation. Again, that will do nothing for your self esteem and self respect if you get involved the way you shouldn't be. Better to put more real effort into pulling yourself out of that rut you seem to be living in.

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I'm pretty sure it doesn't work like that with the iPhone. I screen shotted a convo with my sister and her son and my sister would have said something if she saw the notification. Her iOS is always up to date because it's her job.

 

I’m only speaking from experience, on FaceTime if it is screenshotted it pops up, I don’t know why it wouldn’t for other people but it has been a feature I’ve noticed for a while now. Whenever I’ve screenshotted my friends have known on the facetime, and vice versa. And I know a few people with an iPhone who see this feature as common knowledge, it’s only a feature on FaceTime, and you may have to enable that on settings, but as I’ve said, it hasn’t happened a lot to me so I’m not an expert

 

Once someone screenshots, it does mean they have your images, but being able to prove someone has done that has some more weight if you wanted to report it. It’s not the best option, but any security is better than nothing.

 

If someone knows you are aware they screenshotted, they are more likely than not to just remove the images (unless they are a completely awful person) which would need to be deleted from their photos and from their deleted file

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Thank you all for your comments. They have given me perspective and I’m not as flustered with this whole thing as I was earlier today.

 

Melancholy, I only sent one blurry photo from a hidden text address, actually cropped my head off so you can’t tell its me. He complained the photo was too blurry. I didn’t re-send or send another.

 

Rose Mosse, I will take your advice not complicate things and not send any more photos, and keep texts basic.

 

Wiseman2, I singed up for Match with an unpaid subscription and at the same time (a month or two ago) a work friend, a woman my age and similar looks/backgroud paid for a subscription and she went on a few dates. She went on 2.5 dates with a guy that is now obsessed with her, sending boxes with trinkets and 20-30 love letters a week to her home. She is about to get a restraining order on this guy and has borrowed one of her father’s guns to protect herself and her daughters as he knows where she lives (remote area) and is now obsessed with her. This has totally frightened me from online dating. I tried Bumble for a trial week as well. The apps are fine, but the quality of men here is not. Again, the average age of my town is in the high 70s and I don’t have time to weed out the one normal guy from the bunch.

 

Boltnrun/Batya: I agree with trying to be safe. Fortunately, I am in a fully open state, I moved to the South and it is possible to go to open air bars and restaurants and sit spaced a good distance from other people while still being able to talk, so chatting with others is an option. I agree intimacy is a risk. I went out this afternoon to an outdoor bar, just to put in more of an effort to meet people...met a nice 70 year old. I will work on this approach.

 

After reading all of your posts, I don’t think I will reach out to him, or go back to his restaurant. There was one FaceTime that he was doing something explicit and he actually asked if I screen shot him, which I did not. I flashed him briefly, but given his location, I doubt he had anyone else recording, although apparently you can record FaceTime...something I did not know and was basically my bad.

 

Unless he edits himself out of the FaceTime and somehow recorded the split second of me, I guess I'm screwed. I also don’t think he would identify me by name and blackmail me by sending whatever he could have to people I know, or put on some random porn site, but I guess anything is possible. If he calls I’ll just be polite and honestly, if I am up for something it will be at my place and I will lock up his phone. Or, maybe I will have lost interest at that point. Seems to be getting messy with really no benefits. I have been taking a lot of Maca powder lately. It has made me a raging, boy crazy machine. This is part of the problem.

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FYI, it is very easy to record FaceTime. I just tried it. I’m screwed if this is all he was after.

 

I doubt it.. take a deep breath, have a good dinner and let this person go. Not worth this much worry from now on. All this is very good of you to face and think through. Continue trusting your instincts and leave this behind.

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Is this what 23 year old do? FaceTime for sex and play peek a boo show me what’s under your skirt? He’s a nice enough guy has manners ie hold door open, gives tons of compliments. But is the FaceTime foreplay normal?

 

I'd be less concerned about what's normal for someone else, and I'd focus instead on what 'I' want--and operate from there. Then you'll have clarity whenever someone tries to push or pull you off course.

 

For instance, age wouldn't be my primary concern--but I also wouldn't try to rationalize something uncomfortable by telling myself that this is what kids do these days. Wul? Do I want to appear cool enough to entertain a kid, or do I want true simpatico with a real man in my life?

 

Once I figured out that I'm relationship material, not FWB or 'casual,' that was a good starting point for me to figure out what KIND of relationship. So the candle in the wind stuff was over for me, and I felt grounded and secure and liberated from any ideas of morphing into anything that might be 'normal' for someone else, but just wasn't for me.

 

As for dating apps, they can be useful if you use them to set up quick meets over coffee instead of trying to pin down full dates. Less labor. You agree to 20-30 minutes max, and neither can corner the other on the spot by asking for a 'real' date. Either can invite afterward, and if the answer is no, then no response is necessary.

 

Setting up a bunch of quick meets for your way home from work is no big deal, and you won't be invested in any given one. You can learn whether someone seeks dating for the same reasons as you, and if not, skip them and move onto the next. You can tell within 5 minutes whether there's potential for chemistry--and usually NOT.

 

Once you can grasp the natural odds of most people NOT being a good match, you liberate yourself from working too hard. You've spent a few minutes getting coffee, and you were kind to a stranger for a short while, and nothing is lost, no skin off your back.

 

Dating is a needle-in-a-haystack kind of thing. Allow wrong matches to pass early. You'll know true simpatico when you stumble on it, so don't contort yourself for anything less, and you'll thank yourself later.

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If you just want a casual hook-up, I'm sure this guy would be happy to oblige. If you are thinking he'll be into forming a potential long-term relationship then I think you'll be disappointed. The other year I was pursued by a guy who was literally half my age. He was intelligent and we got on surprisingly well, but when it came to likes/dislikes, it soon became clear just how much we were from different generations (the guy had never heard of INXS!). I think that in his head he loved the idea of getting intimate with an older woman, but when it actually started to go from fantasy to reality, he did a runner. You might find this guy is the same.

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It sounds like you were flattered by the attention of a younger man after the disappointments of your last relationship.

 

Your stories about match seem far flung and the average age in NYC is not 70-80.

 

When you are ready to date. Get on quality paid dating apps with recent clear photos and a well written profile.

 

It seems you are not ready to date or looking for anything serious just yet.

 

That's ok . Try Tinder. Very few 70-80 year olds use that app, or most any dating apps.

 

The only person you have to be honest with is yourself and the only person you need to make happy is yourself.

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It sounds like you were flattered by the attention of a younger man after the disappointments of your last relationship.

 

Your stories about match seem far flung and the average age in NYC is not 70-80.

 

When you are ready to date. Get on quality paid dating apps with recent clear photos and a well written profile.

 

It seems you are not ready to date or looking for anything serious just yet.

 

That's ok . Try Tinder. Very few 70-80 year olds use that app, or most any dating apps.

 

The only person you have to be honest with is yourself and the only person you need to make happy is yourself.

 

Thanks Wiseman, I moved to the South a while ago. I haven’t changed my location on eNA. I notice you suggest dating apps on this site. Can you share any success stories?

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