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How to approach him after six months no contact?? 😯😮


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Just call him and see if he up to meeting !

No explaining why you haven’t so far. That’s going back to square one with the endless chit chat!

If he asks for any explanation , tell him you will chat over coffee or a walk in the park or whatever current covid restrictions permit.

 

Today please?!

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I think you have to video call him. It doesn't look like he's going to budge on that. But keep in mind, there's no guarantee that anything you do will "turn this around." There's not a whole lot

You interrogated him about whether he's dating or talking to anyone else. Why do you feel you have the right to know that? You two are not dating. I would presume that's why he stopped responding

Maybe this friend liked you?  As for OLD guy.... I don't know. If you guys were really interested in meeting, you would have. If you reach out or rather I'll put it this way...   What would I d

Just call him and see if he up to meeting !

No explaining why you haven’t so far. That’s going back to square one with the endless chit chat!

If he asks for any explanation , tell him you will chat over coffee or a walk in the park or whatever current covid restrictions permit.

 

Today please?!

The irony is i barely ever explained anything or had significant serious conversation..so even hearing me give any type of explanation or apology would be foreign for him and me 😂😂.

Only reason i would is because he sees me as someone whos just jerked him around for months endlessly.

 

All our restaurants coffee shops are closed at the moment.

I will call him dont worry 😂.

And when i do i shall update on here 😂.

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His perception would be a valid one.

His only “crime” was asking for a simple photo not a raunchy one for verification.

 

Restaurants and coffee shops closed. No big deal. A walk in a busy public park is fine.

 

When will you? Because if you don’t today you probably never will.

No reason to put it off.

 

You claim yourself you have wasted too much time already so get it over and done with.

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His perception would be a valid one.

His only “crime” was asking for a simple photo not a raunchy one for verification.

 

Restaurants and coffee shops closed. No big deal. A walk in a busy public park is fine.

 

When will you? Because if you don’t today you probably never will.

No reason to put it off.

 

You claim yourself you have wasted too much time already so get it over and done with.

True.

He mentioned catfish but how would sending another photo prove im not one 😂. Plenty of people who are real catfishes can use more than one fake photo. The proof is in the meeting face to face which he is hesitant to do without more photos.

 

I will definitely do it!

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So you blocked 50 men because you didn't want them to creep back months later contacting you...and yet, you want to contact this man months later.

 

Why is it bad for men to "creep back" months later but not bad for you to contact months later? I don't understand this.

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So you blocked 50 men because you didn't want them to creep back months later contacting you...and yet, you want to contact this man months later.

 

Why is it bad for men to "creep back" months later but not bad for you to contact months later? I don't understand this.

 

Because my intentions whether people or he believes it or not are sincere.

 

Men on the other hand will take what they can get when they can get it..well that's what i thought of the ones who i blocked. Or it was over because i realised we were never going to meet or are incompatible for whatever reason.

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Nicole! Nine pages. Sending you huge hugs. I don't know how you can live like this. The guy will like you or he won't like you. Then there will be other guys. Ones you won't have to block. Life will go on. You will be okay.

I know 😂😂. Im fine and will be fine.

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One of my other friends said why am i reaching out after six months and it's too long and not to do so.

Do you think it is?

 

Not answering for Rose, but...

 

What do you think you're getting from ruminating about all this? Talking to us, talking to friends? I ask that with zero judgement, only observing that, from these seats, it seems clear you're getting something. Just not sure if that something is brining you closer to your most sincere desires, or keeping them further, blurrier.

 

If you reached out to him, you'd have actual information. He'll respond, or he won't. His response will lead to a nice, brief exchange, or not. You'll meet for a walk, or you won't. And so on. In your life story, all of those outcomes shouldn't move too many needles, though they would move one: you would no longer be able to ruminate about this specific person.

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I find it interesting that when we get a one dimensional version of a story, at some point the posters pattern of personal interaction creeps through, replicates here on this forum and paints a clearer picture.

 

88 posts and we are still talking about and not acting on it.

 

Which just so happens to parallel how you've handled your interactions with this guy. I believe your answer was covered in the first couple reponses. Right?

 

You came here asking how to approach someone you haven't spoken to in 6 months. You share how many excuses you gave in the beginning and now with every bit of encouragement to just rip off the band aid and make a phone call, you double down with more reasons not to.

 

So, what's it going to be?

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I find it interesting that when we get a one dimensional version of a story, at some point the posters pattern of personal interaction creeps through, replicates here on this forum and paints a clearer picture.

 

88 posts and we are still talking about and not acting on it.

 

That is interesting!

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I find it interesting that when we get a one dimensional version of a story, at some point the posters pattern of personal interaction creeps through, replicates here on this forum and paints a clearer picture.

 

88 posts and we are still talking about and not acting on it.

 

And it isn't the first time it's been posted either.

 

OP, I know you said that you haven't posted this story before under another username, but you have. I remember it because it was the same repetitive, rambling thread with the same details and same circular thinking.

 

I don't say that to be harsh but you're obviously getting something out of engaging posters in this conversation again and again. Just not sure what that is, exactly.

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I don't know if it's you, Nicole, but there were two other profiles who had patterns of posting similar to you. I know those individuals prior also made a debut on another forum with the same alias name.

 

I put that aside anyway as I think everyone deserves to be treated like a human being or taken at face value. If anything makes sense to you in the past pages, take them to heart and lay your fears to rest. I don't sense you're out to deceive anyone. I think you are misunderstood (by people in real life, your life, because of your issues) and probably have severe social anxiety speaking with people or meeting with people. Eventually I suspect a moderator will close the thread anyway as it's run its course. You can take the messages in good faith though. Nothing is going to change if you aren't prepared to be that change.

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I don't say that to be harsh but you're obviously getting something out of engaging posters in this conversation again and again. Just not sure what that is, exactly.

Possibly the same thing one gets out of having a year long (off and on) electronic relationship with a stranger.

It's ok. A lot of people do it and enjoy it. Let's just call it what it is. . .or was.

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Not answering for Rose, but...

 

What do you think you're getting from ruminating about all this? Talking to us, talking to friends? I ask that with zero judgement, only observing that, from these seats, it seems clear you're getting something. Just not sure if that something is brining you closer to your most sincere desires, or keeping them further, blurrier.

 

If you reached out to him, you'd have actual information. He'll respond, or he won't. His response will lead to a nice, brief exchange, or not. You'll meet for a walk, or you won't. And so on. In your life story, all of those outcomes shouldn't move too many needles, though they would move one: you would no longer be able to ruminate about this specific person.

I will reach out...and was 100% on it. Till my friend..this time female said not to. And said it was weird or something along those lines..because its been a months.

I dont want to look foolish or a mug. That's all it is.

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I don't know if it's you, Nicole, but there were two other profiles who had patterns of posting similar to you. I know those individuals prior also made a debut on another forum with the same alias name.

 

I put that aside anyway as I think everyone deserves to be treated like a human being or taken at face value. If anything makes sense to you in the past pages, take them to heart and lay your fears to rest. I don't sense you're out to deceive anyone. I think you are misunderstood (by people in real life, your life, because of your issues) and probably have severe social anxiety speaking with people or meeting with people. Eventually I suspect a moderator will close the thread anyway as it's run its course. You can take the messages in good faith though. Nothing is going to change if you aren't prepared to be that change.

Its not.

I'm sure ive seen procrastinators on this thread...asides from myself. And i know people like that too. Not the only one. Theres some who think a lot.

Some who think and then take action...and then theres some who take action without any thought..all kinds of people.

 

Youre right though im highly misunderstood. Whether its here or offline. And clearly by the person who this thread is referring to. I don't have anxiety at all with regards to people. I think with social anxiety people panic and stress and what not. I have none of that. Maybe it comes across like that but i assure you..im absolutely fine and make friends at the click of a finger.

 

In terms of my romantic interests now and from the past the common theme.or what they say about me is im a mystery and seem prideful/proud..i have no problem meeting guys and speaking to them. Im simply reserved when it comes to talking about feelings or opening up that's it.

 

But ill still have a shot at it

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I find it interesting that when we get a one dimensional version of a story, at some point the posters pattern of personal interaction creeps through, replicates here on this forum and paints a clearer picture.

 

88 posts and we are still talking about and not acting on it.

 

Which just so happens to parallel how you've handled your interactions with this guy. I believe your answer was covered in the first couple reponses. Right?

 

You came here asking how to approach someone you haven't spoken to in 6 months. You share how many excuses you gave in the beginning and now with every bit of encouragement to just rip off the band aid and make a phone call, you double down with more reasons not to.

 

So, what's it going to be?

 

I will do it.

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I will do it.

 

You have been saying that for 2 days now.

Still haven’t done it.

It’s a simple phone call.

Make a dead line and stick to it. 24hrs from now ....

 

I suggest the next time you reply on here will be after you’ve made the call.

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You have been saying that for 2 days now.

Still haven’t done it.

It’s a simple phone call.

Make a dead line and stick to it. 24hrs from now ....

 

I suggest the next time you reply on here will be after you’ve made the call.

🤔 😂.

I was giving myself a deadline of like a couple of weeks.

But ok.

Once its done i shall report back on here.

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Just curious to know why you want to stew on this for two more weeks.

 

It's not "rejection" if he doesn't answer your call or doesn't want to communicate. You haven't even met this man, so why fear "rejection" in this case?

I wouldnt say unnecessarily stew. But perhaps calling him closer to the time when i may be able to meet him. Instead of call now and say may be in a few weeks time. As we're still under lockdown.

 

And putting it all into perspective..its probably worse if he had met me and then rejected...as opposed to never having met.

For now it would just be an opportunity missed. Nothing more

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  • 1 month later...

 i did  contact him two days ago..finally

Heres the conversation over  two days.... it almost ended with him ending things completely but by some miracle  i turned it around. I just need some advice on how to navigate my way round this and not sabotage things   so this can potentially turn out well

Me: i rematch on the app

Me: hey how comes your profile names different i preferred  the old one. (He changed his nicknames on the app)

Him: which hole did you pop out from?

Me: good question 😂 and what you been upto?

Whats your relationship status at the moment?

Him: how comes you came back on here? Didnt it work out with the last person?

And im single..you?

Me: ive been single for a long while.

You must have spoken to a lot of women by now..did no one float your boat?

Him: oh right. You disappeared. Hope everything is alright with you. 2bh ive been putting my attention more on family and work..mostly due to the current situation (pandemic). Had to step up.

Me: yeah i have a habit of doing that sometimes i need to try better to keep in contact with people.

Him: getting better at keeping in touch is something you learn when you're  a teenager? I dont mean to make a dig, im presuming you may have been going through a rough time. 

Im glad youre alright though.

Me: its ok at least youre honest. I probably should have called you instead of leaving  things for so long.

Him: keep it basic ..phonecalls are best.

Him: can we do a videocall? *kiss face emoji*

Me: you want to see my face dont you 😂.

But ill stick with a normal call.

Him: chicken 😂.

Me: im going to prove you wrong one of these days

Him: i still need to video call you.

Me: we will see

Him: youre so nervous lol

Me: you  think you know everything 

Him: am i wrong?

Me: yeah about me always

Him: i hope you dont  Take it the wrong way i just dont see it going anywhere 

Hopefully you find the right person for you.

Me: why is that..you were ok one day ago?

( to me him saying lets forget it sort of came out the blue when we were getting on fine). 

Him: what do you really want from me? Truly?

Me: i obviously had a reason to contact you

Him: which is? 

Me : initially you may have misunderstood my intentions but they've always been legitimate ( i was referring to him thinking im using him as a penpal etc)

I was going to get in touch earlier but then a lockdown happened.

What are you looking for? 

Him: obviously something  serious and i want to settle down eventually.

I always thought you wanted to talk (chit chat) but nothing else.

Me: noooo i have plenty of friends for that

Him: where would we have met? And you're not in to  video calling why is that? ( btw guys i dont like video calling also  i look much better in real life than on camera .but hes assuming  the worst i guess)

Me: a socially distanced meet.

And its just my preference.

Him: its only between two people though.

Me: oh btw you have no idea how many people i spoke to and rejected on the app before  i started speaking  to you again.

So youre quite lucky

Him: why did u reject  them and why me

Me: lots of reasons.

And you..you've grown on me over time. At the start  i was like wth. 

What's your view of me good and bad?

Him: really? Ive grown on you. I thought i was rude and blunt.

Lol how was i at the start 

And my opinion of you is youre defensive but its not always a bad thing.

Me: at the beginning you were very rude and defensive .you are still rude and blunt lol but i guess i see it in a different way now. ( what  i meant was i like his straightforwardness now. An d before i wasnt sure)

You do need to get  in touch with your feelings a bit more though. ( because he usually never says how anything makes him feel..hes very just matter of fact).

Btw are you talking to anyone else atm?

____________________________

And that was the end..waiting for his response now.

Also the time in between the messages we sent to each other varied from 1 hour to 5 hours. Hence it was over two days

 

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