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How to approach him after six months no contact?? 😯😮


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Nicole

 

It seems like Regardless of our advice, you want to reach out. So with that in mind, if you are truly interested in this guy and trying to fix the past, I would go the honest route.

 

Forget the "I get 10 matches a day" attitude and big explanations. Rather, keep it simple. explain that you regret not meeting and if he would like to, to pick a time and a place and you will be there. Or better yet offer two times and places you are available. And see what he says.

 

I think like others have said, you're putting too much stock in people you have not met in person. Stop blocking and unblocking. If someone offends you so much that you block, stick to it. If you aren't willing to block permanently or you do it out of knee jerk reactions, then don't block, just pull back and let things ride...

 

Being single means dating and talking to a lot of people and keeping your options open until you actually go on many dates with one person and then decide together to be exclusive.

 

The way you're going about it is like spinning wheels in the mud. Lots of effort, no movement.

 

Good luck! Wear a mask, be outside, keep social distance.... Its not impossible to meet during the pandemic. You just gotta be smart and safe.

Thanks thats all i wanted any way a bit of positivity. And a way to approach a very delicate situtation.

But instead i got people insulting me and all other number of things. 😂😂

Also the opinion he won't be very happy to hear from me and will see me in a negative light.

I mean its not the most encouraging

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I think you have to video call him. It doesn't look like he's going to budge on that. But keep in mind, there's no guarantee that anything you do will "turn this around." There's not a whole lot

You interrogated him about whether he's dating or talking to anyone else. Why do you feel you have the right to know that? You two are not dating. I would presume that's why he stopped responding

Maybe this friend liked you?  As for OLD guy.... I don't know. If you guys were really interested in meeting, you would have. If you reach out or rather I'll put it this way...   What would I d

Thanks thats all i wanted any way a bit of positivity. And a way to approach a very delicate situtation.

But instead i got people insulting me and all other number of things. 😂😂

Also the opinion he won't be very happy to hear from me and will see me in a negative light.

I mean its not the most encouraging

 

Well... I think people mean well. Pointing out pitfalls, something many people need but maybe don't get from friends. You always gotta take anonymous forums with a grain of salt. I have been here looking for advice, too. And its hard to not keep defending yourself. But really, you can't really truly explain your situation. These people don't know you or the situation. Take what works and leave the rest. I really like the variety of perspectives. It can be a real eye opener to things I never even thought of.

 

But back to your problem... If he is negative towards you, then you can let this scenario go for good. And be glad you didn't waste more time.

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You say it’s all about taking the chance .

Ok go ahead and take it.

But don’t contact him unless you are actually going to MEET him within a week of contacting him IF he responds positively.

 

You said that 6 months ago he kept wanting more and more from you as if that was a bad thing?

The “more” he wanted was a meet !?! That’s the purpose of OLD not endless chit chat.

 

So when you contact him, don’t just initiate idle chat. Ask him if he is feee on x day to grab a coffee or whatever.

 

And in future don’t remain in contact with random guys you met online. You are there to find someone compatible to date. Not make fake friends.

 

Be smart about dating.

Good luck

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Well... I think people mean well. Pointing out pitfalls, something many people need but maybe don't get from friends. You always gotta take anonymous forums with a grain of salt. I have been here looking for advice, too. And its hard to not keep defending yourself. But really, you can't really truly explain your situation. These people don't know you or the situation. Take what works and leave the rest. I really like the variety of perspectives. It can be a real eye opener to things I never even thought of.

 

But back to your problem... If he is negative towards you, then you can let this scenario go for good. And be glad you didn't waste more time.

Trust me i hear enough of the "pitfalls" ..did you read the original post where my male friend was constantly criticizing the guy and me for even being in contact with him..since the beginning ive been getting a hard time about it. What would actually be refreshing for once would be if people would withoht prompting urge me to go for it!

And im someone who's been meaning to contact him for ages but something always stops me..whether its my pride/ego or the thought it may not work or that hes moved on. Therefore hearing how i shouldn't bother calling the guy from other people only delays things.

 

But yeah i guess i have to call him and see whats happening with him.

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You say it’s all about taking the chance .

Ok go ahead and take it.

But don’t contact him unless you are actually going to MEET him within a week of contacting him IF he responds positively.

 

You said that 6 months ago he kept wanting more and more from you as if that was a bad thing?

The “more” he wanted was a meet !?! That’s the purpose of OLD not endless chit chat.

 

So when you contact him, don’t just initiate idle chat. Ask him if he is feee on x day to grab a coffee or whatever.

 

And in future don’t remain in contact with random guys you met online. You are there to find someone compatible to date. Not make fake friends.

 

Be smart about dating.

Good luck

We are in lockdown here at the moment for another minimum of three weeks. The infection rate is pretty high . Also partly why i delayed contacting him for the last week because i didn't want to be like oh yeah do you want to meet in a number of weeks time..and i don't know how he would react to that so.

 

By more and more i meant...if i texted him he wasnt satisfied..so then i would call him..and he still would be like ok i need to see more pics so i know its really you. Basically its like i had to prove myself before we even meet..And it was getting tedious. There are people ive met without even having spoken to them on the phone and having to send multiple photos. He just seems distrustful of me.

 

Of course i dont want any fake friends..most of the guys i end up blocking if things go nowhere. Which is why i said my block list is huge full of like 50 odd guys who i matched and don't speak to any more

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All of this sounds so complicated. If you’re this hung up on him just contact him and ask if he’s available for lunch on such and such day and follow through. If he’s not, well so be it. How old are you?

I know it does and the guy doesn't even know the half of it or whats going on in my head.. which is why he probably thinks i basically dont give a toss.

.And said im acting as if hes only an option.

 

Im in my late 20s

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I honestly think your window of opportunity passed a long time ago.

Unless it's a slow day for him, he has no reason to believe he's not going to get more of the same.

It's an uphill or impossible battle to gain someone's trust after all they've been given is excuses.

That's all he knows and with time he's more than likely put this behind him.

But go ahead and reach out. You have nothing to lose and you can put this to rest

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I honestly think your window of opportunity passed a long time ago.

Unless it's a slow day for him, he has no reason to believe he's not going to get more of the same.

It's an uphill or impossible battle to gain someone's trust after all they've been given is excuses.

That's all he knows and with time he's more than likely put this behind him.

But go ahead and reach out. You have nothing to lose and you can put this to rest

I know it could prove difficult. I think the icing on the cake was probably him asking to meet and then asking me to provide him with a pic before we do..and me not doing or following up on any of that. Just my guess.

 

He already ignored a couple of texts i sent in between..but that was a month or two after he asked to meet..let alone six months 🤔.

 

Worst case scenario would be if he found someone else in that time. 😳😰 and if my friend is right..n he doesn't care anymore and completely forgot about me.

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We are in lockdown here at the moment for another minimum of three weeks. The infection rate is pretty high . Also partly why i delayed contacting him for the last week because i didn't want to be like oh yeah do you want to meet in a number of weeks time..and i don't know how he would react to that so.

 

By more and more i meant...if i texted him he wasnt satisfied..so then i would call him..and he still would be like ok i need to see more pics so i know its really you. Basically its like i had to prove myself before we even meet..And it was getting tedious. There are people ive met without even having spoken to them on the phone and having to send multiple photos. He just seems distrustful of me.

 

Of course i dont want any fake friends..most of the guys i end up blocking if things go nowhere. Which is why i said my block list is huge full of like 50 odd guys who i matched and don't speak to any more

 

Again , you are using the pandemic as an excuse.

Fine, wait until the lockdown eases and then contact him with a suggestion of a date.

 

It’s absolutely normal that he would want to progress from texting to calling to meeting.

And as far as asking for another pic, that’s ok too. He wasn’t asking for a nude pic otherwise you would have said and I think he only asked because of your reluctance to meet. Of course that would cause someone to be wary.

You could have said you are happy to meet so he can see it’s teally you if you were not comfortable in sending another pic.

It doesn’t sound like it was a deal breaker for him.

What was a dealbreaker for him was your avoidance.

 

The fact that you have 50 guys on your block list is a reflection on you not each individual you have blocked.

Are these guys blocked on the OLD site or your own social media?

Doesn’t really matter which but there is never a need to block that many people purely because it went “nowhere”

 

Do you somehow feel empowered by blocking people??!

What do you gain from doing so?

 

It might be worth your while unblocking them all.

And IF any of them contact you , you can simply ignore.

 

Even this guy you are talking about contacting , you don’t talk about him in a positive way at all. It’s all very negative from your perspective that I don’t even know why you want to contact him?

 

Tell me why you want to contact him?

What are his good attributes?

Why did you not agree to meet him pre pandemic?

A first meet is simply an in person introduction. It’s not even a date? Regardless of the countless texts or phone calls.

A second meet is a first date.

 

You want people here to be positive and upbeat but I’m yet to see or hear anything positive coming from you wrt this guy?

 

Please clarify?

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Ok, it's time to get on some quality/paid dating apps, set your criteria appropriately to local men in your age group and after exchanging a message or a few, set up an in person meeting.

 

If you refuse to meet people,they may think you are catfishing, scamming, cheating, lying or just jerking them around out of boredom/loneliness.

 

If you don't want to date, that's fine. Keep busy with work, friends, family, groups,clubs,sports, volunteering,taking classes,etc.

Keep yourself involved in productive and enjoyable pursuits.

 

Im in my late 20s

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and if my friend is right..n he doesn't care anymore and completely forgot about me.

 

Your friend is probably right, to be honest.

 

Why would someone you've never met and refused to meet still care and not have forgotten about you? You weren't a significant person in his life and he never met you, so it would be strange if he were still hanging on to this.

 

It would be worth reflecting on why you are, though.

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Again , you are using the pandemic as an excuse.

Fine, wait until the lockdown eases and then contact him with a suggestion of a date.

 

It’s absolutely normal that he would want to progress from texting to calling to meeting.

And as far as asking for another pic, that’s ok too. He wasn’t asking for a nude pic otherwise you would have said and I think he only asked because of your reluctance to meet. Of course that would cause someone to be wary.

You could have said you are happy to meet so he can see it’s teally you if you were not comfortable in sending another pic.

It doesn’t sound like it was a deal breaker for him.

What was a dealbreaker for him was your avoidance.

 

The fact that you have 50 guys on your block list is a reflection on you not each individual you have blocked.

Are these guys blocked on the OLD site or your own social media?

Doesn’t really matter which but there is never a need to block that many people purely because it went “nowhere”

 

Do you somehow feel empowered by blocking people??!

What do you gain from doing so?

 

It might be worth your while unblocking them all.

And IF any of them contact you , you can simply ignore.

 

Even this guy you are talking about contacting , you don’t talk about him in a positive way at all. It’s all very negative from your perspective that I don’t even know why you want to contact him?

 

Tell me why you want to contact him?

What are his good attributes?

Why did you not agree to meet him pre pandemic?

A first meet is simply an in person introduction. It’s not even a date? Regardless of the countless texts or phone calls.

A second meet is a first date.

 

You want people here to be positive and upbeat but I’m yet to see or hear anything positive coming from you wrt this guy?

 

Please clarify?

Its not an excuse. Its difficult to come up with a proper date and time knowing i also have to consider the people im living with..And the fact that they're in the at risk group.

 

The thing that stuck out the most of what he said is im behaving like he is an option. If it came across like that what can i do? i have a lot of other things to think about too such as my job/career..one example. His life hasnt changed in any way..hes still working and im pretty certain he was socialising too. Im not doing any of that all because of the at risk individuals im living with and the pandemic.

 

100% he would not have met me without seeing a photo so that wouldnt have worked..for him a prerequisite would be to be certain of who i am before meeting. Ive never had anyone be so cautious of me. Not like this from an old app.

 

How is blocking 50 guys a reflection on me? We don't talk...it doesnt go anywhere and i don't want people trying to sneak back in and message me ( which happens plenty of times) or for me to be like who are you. So could you please not imply and assume without knowing facts. Somehave been on the app and a lot are on whatsapp too. Its got nothing to do with power...

 

Pre pandemic he didn't ask to meet straight up. He implied it but didnt ask properly..and even then he was suspicious of me because i rarely spoke to him on the phone and he kept saying he doesn't want to be a texting buddy. I dont know why he is like this but clearly he must have come across some nasty people in the past. Im a legit person...so if he finds me suspicious hes going to find it hard engaging with anyone on that app as ove heard stories of actual catfishes and strange women.

 

I want to contact him because i know asides from all the suspicions and scrutiny from him he was genuine about finding something serious and long term..as opposed to wanting a fling ( which on these apps is like every other guy).

Positives : hes good looking

Young

Goal and career

orientated.

Was funny at times.

Negatives though: has talked about hitting up my friend think he was trying to be funny or make me jealous as following that he said he felt like he was an option to me. 😂.

Most if not everything has to be his way.

He thinks hes always right

Shows off sometimes

Has an ego is stubborn. As im pretty sure if he didnt he would have reached out by now

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Trust me i hear enough of the "pitfalls" ..did you read the original post where my male friend was constantly criticizing the guy and me for even being in contact with him..since the beginning ive been getting a hard time about it. What would actually be refreshing for once would be if people would withoht prompting urge me to go for it!

And im someone who's been meaning to contact him for ages but something always stops me..whether its my pride/ego or the thought it may not work or that hes moved on. Therefore hearing how i shouldn't bother calling the guy from other people only delays things.

 

But yeah i guess i have to call him and see whats happening with him.

Maybe the question you need to ask yourself is.... why do you need encouragement from a friend, an on line community, anyone other yourself?

 

At the end of the day any relationship is between the two people in that relationship. period. what anyone else thinks, is really none of your business.

 

many people get hung up on appearances and the what our friends, our families, our neighbors think.

 

Working on living your life based on what you want, what you think, what you feel is the opportunity here.

 

You seem very into drama, complications, and manufactured excitement. that may not be true. its just an observation. its also not a negative or a positive. it may be simply where you vibe from.

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Maybe the question you need to ask yourself is.... why do you need encouragement from a friend, an on line community, anyone other yourself?

 

At the end of the day any relationship is between the two people in that relationship. period. what anyone else thinks, is really none of your business.

 

many people get hung up on appearances and the what our friends, our families, our neighbors think.

 

Working on living your life based on what you want, what you think, what you feel is the opportunity here.

 

You seem very into drama, complications, and manufactured excitement. that may not be true. its just an observation. its also not a negative or a positive. it may be simply where you vibe from.

I dont necessarily need it. As in the end i do what i want anyway. But when so many people are against what you do you begin to think is this the right thing to do. Then again i also have to

remember peoples ages, personal experiences, even jealousy or projection can factor into the 'opinions' they give.

 

Youre right in saying its between me and him. And i should basically do what i want and think is right for me. So thanks!.

 

As for the drama making..maybe it comes across like that as im expressing my innermost thoughts but its not what i want.

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There's only one negative and that is you want a cyber/no in-person contact relationship and he doesn't.

 

I dont want that. Im not in contact with anyone who i don't see. Hence the huge block list..guys off the app.

 

This is what he THINKS.

Ive come across people like that though.. i had one of those myself. A guy who kept saying we will meet and postponing the dates and times. It got beyond annoying. Until one day i blocked him instantly as he was talking continuously.

 

I don't understand people like this never will.

 

I have not met him since he asked..as explained due to the continuous lockdowns. External circumstances.

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I dont necessarily need it. As in the end i do what i want anyway. But when so many people are against what you do you begin to think is this the right thing to do. Then again i also have to

remember peoples ages, personal experiences, even jealousy or projection can factor into the 'opinions' they give.

 

Youre right in saying its between me and him. And i should basically do what i want and think is right for me. So thanks!.

 

As for the drama making..maybe it comes across like that as im expressing my innermost thoughts but its not what i want.

Right... not knowing your age.. it could be a maturity thing. Again, not a dig against you. we're all mature about things and immature about things.

 

My point is... you don't have to explain yourself. Everything in your life, is your business. How you choose to handle things etc. I know, some people, they were always this way.

 

me? I thought either I needed the approval or maybe I owed people in some way.

 

Life got a whole lot easier when I realized people not agreeing with me was not a slight against me. everyone can have their own thoughts and opinions... but whatever I'm doing, I have to live with the consequences not anyone else. so its up to me to do what I think is best for me.

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Has an ego is stubborn. As im pretty sure if he didnt he would have reached out by now

 

This isn't about his stubborn ego. It's about his self respect.

 

I did OLD for years and personally I would have cut you off a long time ago.

 

There are a large amount of time wasters on OLD who just want electronic entertainment and have no desire to actually meet people. I learned to suss them out quickly and move on.

 

Your reason that it's not easy due to a pandemic is warranted, but if your intentions were in the right place and you were motivated to begin with, you could have met him at a park and had a cup of coffee.

 

Anyway. . .i am not saying anything that hasn't already been said.

Just call him. You might be surprised.

Edited by reinventmyself
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This isn't about his stubbern ego. It's about his self respect.

 

I did OLD for years and personally I would have cut you off a long time ago.

 

There are a large amount of time wasters on OLD who just want electronic entertainment and have no desire to actually meet people. I learned to suss them out quickly and move on.

 

Your reason that it's not easy due to a pandemic is warranted, but if your intentions were in the right place and you were motivated to begin with, you could have met him at park and had a cup of coffee.

 

Anyway. . .i am not saying anything that hasn't already been said.

Just call him. You might be surprised.

So true Reinvent, on the time wasters. ugh!
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. . . wait until the lockdown eases and then contact him with a suggestion of a date.

She'll be on Social Security by that time.

 

. . . He wanted me to send another pic of myself before the meeting.

He was the one who wasn't serious about meeting. Just another picture collector. *yawn*

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