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How to approach him after six months no contact?? 😯😮


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Met this guy through OLD.

Spoken a number of times on the phone. I'm a texter..he prefers me to call. Been in and out of contact for a year. We talk and then lose momentum.

Last time we spoke six months ago now. He told me he feels like he's only an option to me. Im guessing its because of the on and off contact. He tried to cut if off a while back as he said he doesnt want to be a pen pal. I think he assumed things were never going to get off the ground as according to him im not doing enough to move things along. Then we started speaking again.

 

What happened last was six months ago he asked me to meet while i was on the phone to him. I agreed. But then nothing came of it. He wanted me to send another pic of myself before the meeting. I messaged him a couple of times about other things unrelated to the meeting...so i didnt mention it..neither did he. And that was that 🤔. In hindsight maybe i should have brought it up or something. I can be very passive sometimes 😶.

 

Any way neither of us contacted the other after that and six months went by. I would have met him then but it was difficult due to being in and out of lockdown. And i know i really should have mentioned that.

 

And again we are in lockdown for another few weeks minimum. So i probably wont be able to meet him now.

I had genuine interest in this guy..even though he assumed i saw him as an "option".

 

I just wondered how i could reach out to him now and what to say. As he maybe extra skeptical. ( if he wants to even talk to me again).

 

My guy " friend"who is extra negative. Keeps saying he doesnt care about you..hes probably forgotten you. Which i find odd in itself. As its not like he knows the guy. But yeah we had a huge argument over him making silly comments and now we've both blocked one another. I just said to him out of anger i hope me and that guy do end up speaking again so your plan wouldn't have worked to separate us. ( hes made negative comments for a year since i met the guy which only made the situation worse).

 

Going back to the topic..how do i convince him im serious and am genuinely wanting to start again?

In terrible at expressing myself..just need some tips. 😭😢

 

P.s I've fd it up every time we spoke. He gave me chances...and even tried to get me to open up and express myself but i end up self sabotaging and then he gives up i guess. Its like a pattern. 🤔 for example he straight up asked me if i like him...if i want him..and i still couldnt give a straight answer. I think i said either maybe or sometimes. Not even a yes or no.

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I think you have to video call him. It doesn't look like he's going to budge on that. But keep in mind, there's no guarantee that anything you do will "turn this around." There's not a whole lot

You interrogated him about whether he's dating or talking to anyone else. Why do you feel you have the right to know that? You two are not dating. I would presume that's why he stopped responding

Maybe this friend liked you?  As for OLD guy.... I don't know. If you guys were really interested in meeting, you would have. If you reach out or rather I'll put it this way...   What would I d

You lost a friend over this?

I wouldnt even call him a friend.

But yeah he blocked me first and i just followed suit.

 

Ever since me.and the OLD guy started speaking..the "friend" has constantly criticised the guy..and said he's not all that..then when that doesnt work he will try to say he isnt into me he probably prefers other girls over me. I could go on but it just seemed like he was always extra rude about both of us

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I wouldnt even call him a friend.

But yeah he blocked me first and i just followed suit.

 

Ever since me.and the OLD guy started speaking..the "friend" has constantly criticised the guy..and said he's not all that..then when that doesnt work he will try to say he isnt into me he probably prefers other girls over me. I could go on but it just seemed like he was always extra rude about both of us

Maybe this friend liked you?

 

As for OLD guy.... I don't know. If you guys were really interested in meeting, you would have. If you reach out or rather I'll put it this way...

 

What would I do? If a person, I met on line, but never met in person, faded away and then came back, out of the blue?

 

I would blow that person off. I would think they are just desperate, having not met anyone. They weren't interested when they had the chance for some reason and they're just wasting my time and theirs.

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A year ago, didn't he ask you out after a few weeks of chatting? If so, why didn't it happen?

 

We spoke and were getting on but i ended up blocking him for a few weeks 🙉🙈. Came back and he was very frosty. He mentioned meeting up a couple of times..he just kept assuming things and saying you're too scared to meet me etc etc. Like he was feeling me out i think to see how i respond to the idea of a meet up.

He would call quite often but i hardly picked up..so i think he started assuming from then i wasnt that serious.

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Maybe this friend liked you?

 

As for OLD guy.... I don't know. If you guys were really interested in meeting, you would have. If you reach out or rather I'll put it this way...

 

What would I do? If a person, I met on line, but never met in person, faded away and then came back, out of the blue?

 

I would blow that person off. I would think they are just desperate, having not met anyone. They weren't interested when they had the chance for some reason and they're just wasting my time and theirs.

I did think that about the friend

.but he always kept saying he doesn't see me in that way ( even though i never asked) ... i was like ok then 🤔. He was just always contradicting himself.

 

I can see why you would think that and i think I've thought the same of people who came back... but none of the assumptions about me ( if this guy thinks like that are true). Im someone whos readily matched on the app im on..i get on average 10 matches per day..everyday. so im definitely not short on people to get to know.

 

Its just im a very fussy person and my feelings take a while to develop..it takes a lot for me to even like one guy. Even this one..it took me some time to warm up to him. But now i just think well he did ask to meet..and it didnt happen due to the pandemic situation..so its like unfinished business almost.

 

This is why assumptions are dangerous. So if i were to reach out and he thought that of me. Then so be it i guess.

 

Actually the last time we had a gap of no talking and i reached out he did ask did i meet someone else and then come back to him. .which is where the option thing came from. Where he said im behaving like hes an option. But again that assumption was far from reality

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Its just im a very fussy person and my feelings take a while to develop..it takes a lot for me to even like one guy. Even this one..it took me some time to warm up to him

 

Feelings to develop on the phone or by texting? That's not going to happen.

 

You like a guy's picture. Over a period of a few weeks through a few texts and a phone call or two, and you establish if a guy seems decent, if there are no red flags, and his personality seems pleasant. Then you go on a brief, lost cost/no cost meet up at that point and see if the chemistry is there on both sides, and if you're enjoying your time together.

 

I did OLD for several years, and I remember some guy who never asked me out after chatting a bit which was fine. But then he called me about 8 months later like we'd talked yesterday. I was livid and never spoke to him again.

 

Leave this poor guy alone. He's suffered enough of your wishy washy ways. You've already caused too much bitterness, I'm sure, for this to ever go anywhere.

 

Read some articles on how to date wisely. Reality is when you meet and beyond. You can rule people out in cyberspace, but if you think you're developing feelings for someone you've never met, that's delusional.

 

Learn your lesson from this fiasco and hopefully things will work out better with the next guy you hope to meet up with in the future.

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Its just im a very fussy person and my feelings take a while to develop..it takes a lot for me to even like one guy. Even this one..it took me some time to warm up to him

 

Feelings to develop on the phone or by texting? That's not going to happen.

 

You like a guy's picture. Over a period of a few weeks through a few texts and a phone call or two, and you establish if a guy seems decent, if there are no red flags, and his personality seems pleasant. Then you go on a brief, lost cost/no cost meet up at that point and see if the chemistry is there on both sides, and if you're enjoying your time together.

 

I did OLD for several years, and I remember some guy who never asked me out after chatting a bit which was fine. But then he called me about 8 months later like we'd talked yesterday. I was livid and never spoke to him again.

 

Leave this poor guy alone. He's suffered enough of your wishy washy ways. You've already caused too much bitterness, I'm sure, for this to ever go anywhere.

 

Read some articles on how to date wisely. Reality is when you meet and beyond. You can rule people out in cyberspace, but if you think you're developing feelings for someone you've never met, that's delusional.

 

Learn your lesson from this fiasco and hopefully things will work out better with the next guy you hope to meet up with in the future.

Ok you took the word feelings too literally 🤨. I meant it takes me time to like someone in the sense of seeing them as a potential. I reject people pretty quickly before talking to them..from simply reading their profiles.

 

Yes i understand how to do it. Obviously this has been drawn out over a long period of time.

 

Why be livid over your situation? You didnt reach out either right? 😂. Ive had plenty of people come back to me..and have not been mad about it. Mostly because i didnt invest much either so why be mad.

 

Maybe he will be bitter deep down. But i want to explain myself at least or try to. I dont see the problem with that to be honest. And excuse me but did you miss that there has been a pandemic? That has been one of the reasons why i didnt meet him earlier. The only thing is i should have clarified that.. knowing him he assumed the worst as he had previously as in i see him as an option and drop and pick him up as i feel.

 

Again you misunderstood what i meant by feelings. Nowhere did i say I'd developed feelings. Even if i had it wouldn't be normal for you to invalidate them.. plenty of people have had feelings for people who theyve not met before as strange as it may be..

But as for me all i said was it takes time for me to like anyone so i don't know where you derived that from.

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Eh, don’t bother.

 

Too much time has passed and the likelihood that he’s still interested is basically nil. Reaching out now will make you look a little desperate.

But facts are im not. If someone wants to see it that way that's their problem..but it certainly couldnt be further from the truth in fact if i was i would have took the chance a long time ago in the height of the pandemic at the time he asked to meet. SIX months back 😒

..most times we do speak to one another he seems pretty elated if im honest. Not saying it will be like that now..but desperate is the wrong word for sure. 🤨

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You wrote that you get 10 matches per day in OLD. If you are are not the flake / avoidant that you sound like, the sensible option is to explore new matches, not some guy that you are clearly incompatible/ not in sync with. The trust has been ruined with that guy and whatever kept you apart is still there. Fixating on this stranger and this situation that was clearly not working after six months sounds like a dysfunctional pattern. Why not start over fresh with someone new that you have no negative history with? If you are a texter, find a texter. This guy and you were clearly incompatible, hence why things never took off.

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Pass. What the others have said. Covid cases are spiking and a second wave is here. Reconsider if you are concerned for health reasons.

 

He sounds a bit strange and mentally unbalanced also. I don't think I would be too keen on someone I hadn't met yet if he asked "if i like him...if i want him..". The whole situation should be making your skin crawl.

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Are either of you in other relationships? Is this a long distance situation?

 

If someone won't meet in person within a couple of weeks , it's a red flag. This could be a catfish, scammer, cheater, etc.

 

Delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps. Not meeting and just chitchatting is a waste of time.

 

Was this through dating apps? Never send extra pics to random strangers, just meet in person or move on.

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You have had plenty of opportunity to meet this guy pandemic or no pandemic. In fact you started chatting to him a year ago when covid was unknown.

You chose not to meet him.

That’s fine. That was your choice.

 

You mention about the several opportunities daily for you online , so why are you even thinking about some guy you chose not to meet?

 

And was this supposed guy friend another online chatter? Never met him in person?

 

My best guess is that you are confident behind a computer screen or phone but that’s where your confidence ends.

You seem unable to meet in person , nothing to do with a pandemic but great excuse.

 

Perhaps it’s time to break away from OLD and develop some confidence without the likes and messages from random strangers who mostly are sending the same copy and paste messages to numerous women hoping for a bite.

It’s a false ego boost for the insecure. (You)

And really it’s not helping your self esteem at all.

 

That guy possibly was one of few that were genuinely interested but for him you turned out to be a flake like most.

 

I suggest you leave him alone.

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But facts are im not. If someone wants to see it that way that's their problem..but it certainly couldnt be further from the truth in fact if i was i would have took the chance a long time ago in the height of the pandemic at the time he asked to meet. SIX months back 😒

..most times we do speak to one another he seems pretty elated if im honest. Not saying it will be like that now..but desperate is the wrong word for sure. 🤨

 

So?

 

He doesn't know you, and doesn't know all of what you have written here. It's going to come across as desperate whether you are or not.

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You wrote that you get 10 matches per day in OLD. If you are are not the flake / avoidant that you sound like, the sensible option is to explore new matches, not some guy that you are clearly incompatible/ not in sync with. The trust has been ruined with that guy and whatever kept you apart is still there. Fixating on this stranger and this situation that was clearly not working after six months sounds like a dysfunctional pattern. Why not start over fresh with someone new that you have no negative history with? If you are a texter, find a texter. This guy and you were clearly incompatible, hence why things never took off.

 

I took the attachment style test and apparently im an avoidant.

 

Yes on average I'll get plenty of matches (likes) on the app. The other poster hit the nail on the head ( not about me specifically)..but that this guy was actually genuinely looking for something. And these other guys firstly i dont like most of them as in ill reject most before even matching and in addition the ones i match may end up looking for one thing or getting an ego boost or being totally nuts.

Thats is one reason i wanted to reach out to him..even if nothing came of it to explain to him for myself...about why i wasnt more proactive in meeting him.

I've asked advice from other people and their stances were totally different saying i should give it a shot and ask him to meet me myself.

Whereas here people are a lot more negative and jaded. Which unfortunately isnt helping.

 

I think with regards to him..the reason why he stopped texting is because he assumed my aim was to only be his penpal. He openly said a few times i knew things wouldnt go anywhere with us/ i don't want to be your texting friend etc etc. So its not really that he isnt a texter its with people he meets from the app im guessing he's skeptical and wants to progress onto the phone..and see how real they are.

Hes been very suspicious from the beginning. I dont know maybe because his experience has been not that amazing before.

 

I've not taken enough action i know..and each time we end up speaking..the momentum disappears again and again. As in he expects more and whatever i do isnt enough and its like a cycle.

 

And i don't want to feel regret or like i missed an opportunity.

Which is why i would have preferred it if people were more positive on here and not make me think im doing something wrong for simply contacting him once after all this time.

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So?

 

He doesn't know you, and doesn't know all of what you have written here. It's going to come across as desperate whether you are or not.

Well id say 99 per cent of the time i don't take opportunities landing at my feet as i may appear "desperate" or whatever.

 

I don't think its necessarily a universal opinion. Some will see it this way...some won't...some will be glad i reached out..others may not be.

 

Its all about taking a chance. I would rather be a glass half full person this time around.

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Pass. What the others have said. Covid cases are spiking and a second wave is here. Reconsider if you are concerned for health reasons.

 

He sounds a bit strange and mentally unbalanced also. I don't think I would be too keen on someone I hadn't met yet if he asked "if i like him...if i want him..". The whole situation should be making your skin crawl.

😂.

That part was taken a little out of context. Its when i was telling him about another guy who was hitting on me and i told him he wasnt my type..so he asked if hes my type. And then followed up with do you like me. So it didnt come out the blue. Although personally i wouldn't ask someone straight up like that whether they like me lol.

And the wanted part was because i said i have a lengthy list of unwanted admirers on my whatsapp..( people ive blocked previously). And he came out with am in your wanted list.

So that part was more said in a jokey way than anything else

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Are either of you in other relationships? Is this a long distance situation?

 

If someone won't meet in person within a couple of weeks , it's a red flag. This could be a catfish, scammer, cheater, etc.

 

Delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps. Not meeting and just chitchatting is a waste of time.

 

Was this through dating apps? Never send extra pics to random strangers, just meet in person or move on.

The answer is no to all of the questions.

I've seen him in his uniform work one.. and various other photos.

He thinks i may not be real though as he's seen one pic.

And he asked why i dont change my whatsapp pic..i think he was trying to verify its me. My whatsapp pic isnt of me currently its of me as a 3 year old.

 

I live with people who are in the vulnerable category and this is mostly why i couldnt meet him when he asked the last time.

I would think its common sense but i think unless i spell it out he would probably assumed the worst given the history.

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You have had plenty of opportunity to meet this guy pandemic or no pandemic. In fact you started chatting to him a year ago when covid was unknown.

You chose not to meet him.

That’s fine. That was your choice.

 

You mention about the several opportunities daily for you online , so why are you even thinking about some guy you chose not to meet?

 

And was this supposed guy friend another online chatter? Never met him in person?

 

My best guess is that you are confident behind a computer screen or phone but that’s where your confidence ends.

You seem unable to meet in person , nothing to do with a pandemic but great excuse.

 

Perhaps it’s time to break away from OLD and develop some confidence without the likes and messages from random strangers who mostly are sending the same copy and paste messages to numerous women hoping for a bite.

It’s a false ego boost for the insecure. (You)

And really it’s not helping your self esteem at all.

 

That guy possibly was one of few that were genuinely interested but for him you turned out to be a flake like most.

 

I suggest you leave him alone.

 

I'm guessing this is so spot on. You said a year ago things were going well the first two weeks of chatting and then you blocked him. That's the point he would've asked to meet in person and you bailed.

 

IT'S JUST LUNCH! When you meet someone, it doesn't mean he's fated to be your lifetime partner. He's not your boyfriend. At any point, whether it's the 1st date or the 10th, you can stop seeing him at any time if you're not enjoying his company. Meeting up with someone in person is a far better way than sticking to texts and calls. There are very few people who have the patience for pen pals. I cut off communication very quickly with those sorts on OLD.

 

Why I didn't want that guy from OLD contacting me after 8 months? If he'd been honest with me at the time and said he'd been on some dates with someone and was going to seek that out and stop OLD, when he recontacted me he could've told me it didn't work out and was now ready to go on a date with me, that would've been fine. I did that on a few occasions myself when I'd been chatting with a few guys, and instead of cutting contact without explanation, I told them the deal and they seemed to appreciate that instead of being left hanging. It hit me the wrong way when he called and didn't mention the big lapse in communication, and when I spoke of it, he denied it'd been that long.

 

Stop taking meeting with someone so seriously and don't project to the future when you do meet up. It's just a cup of coffee with someone and your only goal at that point is to have an interesting conversation with someone. It takes dating a boatload of men to find someone decent. At the rate you're going, it'll take forever when you can't even get yourself out on one date.

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You have had plenty of opportunity to meet this guy pandemic or no pandemic. In fact you started chatting to him a year ago when covid was unknown.

You chose not to meet him.

That’s fine. That was your choice.

 

You mention about the several opportunities daily for you online , so why are you even thinking about some guy you chose not to meet?

 

And was this supposed guy friend another online chatter? Never met him in person?

 

My best guess is that you are confident behind a computer screen or phone but that’s where your confidence ends.

You seem unable to meet in person , nothing to do with a pandemic but great excuse.

 

Perhaps it’s time to break away from OLD and develop some confidence without the likes and messages from random strangers who mostly are sending the same copy and paste messages to numerous women hoping for a bite.

It’s a false ego boost for the insecure. (You)

And really it’s not helping your self esteem at all.

 

That guy possibly was one of few that were genuinely interested but for him you turned out to be a flake like most.

 

I suggest you leave him alone.

As explained in another post. You are right in what you said. Well partly.

I get matches a lot of them waste time and talk rubbish or end up making sexual advances from the get go or are totally crazy and seem to have psychological issues. In addition to this out of hundreds of profiles i see and who like me.. i may end up matching and liking about maybe 6 out of the 100. Which greatly reduces chances of finding anyone. But this guy seemed to be somewhat normal..i say somewhat as hes also said some questionable things..and he was a serious person looking for a serious relationship.

And that is why i am interested more than i normally would be.

 

The supposed guy who is real in fact..we became friends. We did meet from the app ..initially he was a bit of a creep and threw himself at me. so i friendzoned him...and god knows why but we ended up talking as "friends". But yes MOST IMPORTANTLY I DID MEET HIM IN PERSON. And HAVE MET OTHERS IN PERSON.

 

I didnt end up meeting this guy as he kept being overly suspicious of my motives and our interaction ended up being on and off. Also he would talk about meeting but he wanted me to prove i was real.

 

The last time we spoke he actually asked me properly about meeting...but at the same time asking for a photo to prove again that i am the person in the first picture i sent.

But me being me didnt send him a picture..and neither of us spoke of the meeting again..amd that was the end of it.

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I'm guessing this is so spot on. You said a year ago things were going well the first two weeks of chatting and then you blocked him. That's the point he would've asked to meet in person and you bailed.

 

IT'S JUST LUNCH! When you meet someone, it doesn't mean he's fated to be your lifetime partner. He's not your boyfriend. At any point, whether it's the 1st date or the 10th, you can stop seeing him at any time if you're not enjoying his company. Meeting up with someone in person is a far better way than sticking to texts and calls. There are very few people who have the patience for pen pals. I cut off communication very quickly with those sorts on OLD.

 

Why I didn't want that guy from OLD contacting me after 8 months? If he'd been honest with me at the time and said he'd been on some dates with someone and was going to seek that out and stop OLD, when he recontacted me he could've told me it didn't work out and was now ready to go on a date with me, that would've been fine. I did that on a few occasions myself when I'd been chatting with a few guys, and instead of cutting contact without explanation, I told them the deal and they seemed to appreciate that instead of being left hanging. It hit me the wrong way when he called and didn't mention the big lapse in communication, and when I spoke of it, he denied it'd been that long.

 

Stop taking meeting with someone so seriously and don't project to the future when you do meet up. It's just a cup of coffee with someone and your only goal at that point is to have an interesting conversation with someone. It takes dating a boatload of men to find someone decent. At the rate you're going, it'll take forever when you can't even get yourself out on one date.

Ohhhh..yeah that makes more sense as to why you were livid. Because he kept you hanging and didnt tell you he was dating someone else. Its funny you say that because this particular guy after some time apart the last time when i did contact him ..he again ASSUMED i had been seeing someone else and even asked if i had been and if thats the case to tell him. But actually i hadnt met anyone else. So he assumed i met someone else..when it didnt work out came back to him. But im not someone who is chasing anyone or relationships at the time i was busy going out with friends and doing my own thing. I know a lot of people all they seem to do is focus their whole life on meeting someone. Whereas I've been pretty comfortable being on my own a lot of the time..my friends on the other hand are constantly chasing men but for me its a pain in the a**.

 

I didnt say i took meeting up that seriously though. I dunno maybe its coming across like that. He made it into such a big deal..being suspicious of me all the time and wanting proof i was who i said i was and whos pic he initally saw..and was always distrustful of me. This is what made it more difficult too.

Ive met other people off apps before..and it wasnt this hard.. i just met them. 😂 and either we hit it off or we didnt.

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I'm guessing this is so spot on. You said a year ago things were going well the first two weeks of chatting and then you blocked him. That's the point he would've asked to meet in person and you bailed.

 

IT'S JUST LUNCH! When you meet someone, it doesn't mean he's fated to be your lifetime partner. He's not your boyfriend. At any point, whether it's the 1st date or the 10th, you can stop seeing him at any time if you're not enjoying his company. Meeting up with someone in person is a far better way than sticking to texts and calls. There are very few people who have the patience for pen pals. I cut off communication very quickly with those sorts on OLD.

 

Why I didn't want that guy from OLD contacting me after 8 months? If he'd been honest with me at the time and said he'd been on some dates with someone and was going to seek that out and stop OLD, when he recontacted me he could've told me it didn't work out and was now ready to go on a date with me, that would've been fine. I did that on a few occasions myself when I'd been chatting with a few guys, and instead of cutting contact without explanation, I told them the deal and they seemed to appreciate that instead of being left hanging. It hit me the wrong way when he called and didn't mention the big lapse in communication, and when I spoke of it, he denied it'd been that long.

 

Stop taking meeting with someone so seriously and don't project to the future when you do meet up. It's just a cup of coffee with someone and your only goal at that point is to have an interesting conversation with someone. It takes dating a boatload of men to find someone decent. At the rate you're going, it'll take forever when you can't even get yourself out on one date.

Yes i bailed after a couple/few weeks of talking right at the start. Because he was being overly cautious and suspicious even then 😐. I innocently said... call me _____ ( my nickname which i wont say here) my friends call me it. And he was rude in my opinion and said "i dont know you like that to call you this".. at the time i took offence and blocked him. And he proceeded to call me everyday after that for a whole week and messaged me on the app asking where id gone and why i blocked him.

And when i thought ill unblock him a few weeks later. He was like you did whatever you wanted to do..when we discussed the disappearance.

And asked me what i want from him. I think he was definitely a little frosty at that time.

 

But then we got to talking again.

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Nicole

 

It seems like Regardless of our advice, you want to reach out. So with that in mind, if you are truly interested in this guy and trying to fix the past, I would go the honest route.

 

Forget the "I get 10 matches a day" attitude and big explanations. Rather, keep it simple. explain that you regret not meeting and if he would like to, to pick a time and a place and you will be there. Or better yet offer two times and places you are available. And see what he says.

 

I think like others have said, you're putting too much stock in people you have not met in person. Stop blocking and unblocking. If someone offends you so much that you block, stick to it. If you aren't willing to block permanently or you do it out of knee jerk reactions, then don't block, just pull back and let things ride...

 

Being single means dating and talking to a lot of people and keeping your options open until you actually go on many dates with one person and then decide together to be exclusive.

 

The way you're going about it is like spinning wheels in the mud. Lots of effort, no movement.

 

Good luck! Wear a mask, be outside, keep social distance.... Its not impossible to meet during the pandemic. You just gotta be smart and safe.

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