Man unavailable, but they seemed interested (venting)

[Jibralta 863]

Timewasters are why some of the first questions I ask anyone who pursues flirty convo with me, in an equally flirty manner, is "Aww, that's kind. So are you available for dating these days, or are you just trying to make a girl feel good?" I'll follow any (potentially patronizing) response with, "Are you in a relationship right now?"

 

NICE, catfeeder--I admire your moxie!

 

But the alarming thing about your story is the intimate convo. I mean, ANYone who throws that at me prematurely is an auto-ditch. By premature, I mean before we've even dated or learned enough about one another to venture there.

 

Yes, that is a red flag, for sure.

[dias 230]

NICE, catfeeder--I admire your moxie!

Yeah clever response, I like it.

[Ian4996 31]

Why do they do that? I don't understand men.

 

I think there's a danger when people to start to think this negatively about men in general that the negativity (which I find can be projected even subconsciously) puts off the genuine decent guys.

 

The way this guy behaved, I've had the same sort of thing many times from some women on dating sites (loads of chat, very flirty, "I'd love to do this to you blah blah blah" but then disappearing as soon as an actual date gets suggested). The way I've started to deal with it myself is to cut to the chase sooner rather than later and if they're wishy washy about meeting or won't commit to a meet, just cut them off.

 

But I've really tried hard not to let these experiences affect my positive attitude - I feel that once you start projecting the negativity that 'men do this' or 'women do this', it really does come across.

[LaHermes 261]

Great stuff Catfeeder. I do the same, straight up and from the hip.

 

" I'll follow any (potentially patronizing) response with, "Are you in a relationship right now?""

 

I fully agree with you Ian:

 

"I feel that once you start projecting the negativity that 'men do this' or 'women do this', it really does come across."

[Batya33 1,876]

Great stuff Catfeeder. I do the same, straight up and from the hip.

 

" I'll follow any (potentially patronizing) response with, "Are you in a relationship right now?""

 

I fully agree with you Ian:

 

"I feel that once you start projecting the negativity that 'men do this' or 'women do this', it really does come across."

 

I totally agree too. It's one reason I was able to meet the right person -I made choices in dating that were consistent enough with my values that any jaded or negative feelings were over in an amount of hours or at most a day.