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Why am I keep on loosing interest after the first dates?


Togo

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In the past few weeks I've gone to several first dates. All of them went quite well. No awkward moments and both of us (I think) had fun.

 

But the thing is that when the first date is over I loose interest and do not put any effort to schedule another date with the same person.

 

Have you ever been in this type of situation?

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My first guess would be is that you're just not actually into those people you went on dates with. It's actually normal not to feel much click or spark with strangers you meet on online dating. I think if you were into any of those people, you'd be more inclined to want to see them again. There's nothing wrong with not being interested in them. You have to go on a lot of dates to find someone you actually like.

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The good news is that you are getting a lot of dates. What about them makes you lose interest?

 

For example if the date is a smoker, have plans to move to another country, or recently broke up and etc.

 

In other I don't feel like betting on a hope that things would be different or change for better if we decide to go exclusive.

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In the past few weeks I've gone to several first dates. All of them went quite well. No awkward moments and both of us (I think) had fun.

 

But the thing is that when the first date is over I loose interest and do not put any effort to schedule another date with the same person.

 

Have you ever been in this type of situation?

 

Sure. Dating is a needle-in-a-haystack kind of thing, where the odds are, most people are NOT our match.

 

This doesn't speak of any deficiency in either of you, it just means you met a pleasant person but whatever degree of simpatico just wasn't there enough to motivate you to want to reach out again.

 

This is true of friendships, too. You can enjoy meeting acquaintances, but how many of them inspire you to want to cultivate a more intimate friendship with them?

 

Relationships take work. So anyone who doesn't inspire you enough to put in the effort is just not the right match for you. Sounds to me like you're in touch with your inner screener.

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For example if the date is a smoker, have plans to move to another country, or recently broke up and etc.

 

Those are very valid reasons not to want to date them again. You have to date a boatload of people before finding the gem. When I did OLD, 9 out of 10 times, it didn't go beyond the first date. A few went up to 3 dates. I ruled out some over the phone when I found out things like one having a small child who he had every weekend plus every Wednesday. I wanted someone more available for companionship.

 

After many frustrating and upsetting experiences, I finally met my future husband. We felt really comfortable with each other, and he made it crystal clear how into me he was. And we found that we had the same dating goals. On the plus side, he looks like John Travolta, LOL.

 

Keep doing what you're doing and eventually you'll find the one who was worth the wait.

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Ok, screen that stuff out before agreeing to meet. Are these Tinderellas?

 

yeah man, old same Tinder. You got the point here. Maybe I should add this on my profile bio. Because I totally do not lack of matches these days. I don't know if it pandemic behavior, or I am just very lucky these days.

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LOL I have no idea what a Tinderella is, but online "dating" by its very nature is contrived. Meaning that when you have the outcome already determined, and are simply trying to find someone to be what you want them to be, that's backwards and isn't conducing to finding anything more than a bunch of "one and dones". If that speaks success to you and you consider yourself "lucky" to be finding it, then I'm not sure what your actual question is.

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Apparently this is what it is, Waffle. lol

 

"Tinderella is largely an online phenomena. It can refer to any woman looking for love (think “fairy-tale ending”) on Tinder or other online dating apps, women who are seen as a bit too eager for love online, or, more generally, to just how hard it is to actually meet someone on Tinder."

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Why are you feeling bad about not being interested though? I think that being attracted to someone and feeling that spark either is or isn't. You can't actually force it so you don't have to feel like you owe these women anything. Also what are you looking for? I stopped using Tinder quickly because I found that it was all about swiping on what someone looks like. Many people didn't even bother to write anything in their profile. If you want something more serious then I would recommend using apps where people actually fill out their profile and it's not all about looks. I've found OK Cupid and Hinge to be good and they're free. Or even websites that are paid where people are more serious.

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I had a dating profile with positive statements except for one "no drug taking or excessive drinking." Otherwise I stated my list of what I did want -and it wasn't long. A number of men contacted me who didn't make the cut as far as my 'musts" so I didn't meet them. And I screened by phone -I was very good at that - and ended up finding out dealbreakers, including men who lied about their age/marital status/educational background. So I didn't meet them either. I agree with Catfeeder. Dating is hard but to me it's worth it if you're looking for forever.

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I know when I get back into dating I’m going to be extra picky! I won’t settle just for the first guy who send me a smile on some dating platform. In my past I would have jumped at someone interested no matter who they were because I was afraid of being alone. Now I’m alone and feeling content. I want my forever and I won’t settle for less then what I deserve.

 

I think you’re doing the right thing by dating and seeing who is out there. If you don’t feel a connection why waste your and their time?

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That is a relief if it is true. Thanks.

 

You're welcome. It might be helpful to use more of that screening in advance of meeting people.

 

Otherwise, instead of investing in full dates, just set up quick coffee meets for a half hour or so on your way home from work or whatever. Agree that neither can corner the other on the spot to set up a 'real' date, but either can contact the other afterward with an invite. If the answer is yes, the other responds, if not, then no response is necessary.

 

This avoids squirmy rejection stuff, and it spares you the time and cost of full dates.

 

On quick meets, you can ask the right questions to shake out your dealbreakers: smoking, moving, rebounding, etc. And you can probably tell within 5 minutes whether someone might offer the kind of simpatico that motivates you to ask for a real date.

 

Since most people are NOT our match, you can use quick meets to accept those natural odds without internalizing them, and it's rather liberating. You can enjoy a short time of learning and allow wrong matches to pass early.

 

This needn't do something to your head. If finding love were easy, what would be so special about it?

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